Gaining Momentum

Summer 2010

2010-08-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

Esther and I had what I'm probably calling my best summer yet! (At least one of the best.)
Chronologically, it involved
May-Aug Graduation from Princeton, visiting my family in Ohio, driving from New Jersey to LA, hiking in Colorado, backpacking in Zion, staying with family and friends in California and Arizona, hiking in the Grand Canyon, Backpacking in Sequoia (and seeing 16 bears in 2 days!), backpacking and backcountry camping in Yosemite, and then driving up to Vancouver, Washington where I have begun pastoring Vancouver Wesleyan Church, moving into our new home here, and visiting Ben at Fort Lewis, hiking in Mount Raininer N.P., flying to Ohio for Nicole and Ben's wedding, and meeting so many great new people in Washington!

See the VIDEO of our summer pictures, and new home tour to the right under "Videos"

Is Flesh on the Menu?

2010-03-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

Esther and I are vegetarians. I guess, to be more accurate, I have adopted the rule that "I'll only eat an animal if I kill it myself." And since I have no taste for violence or for flesh, practically speaking we don't eat animals.
Why?
Lots of reasons. But also super-rational motivations. I'll mention a few, and also say that none of these "reasons" is the only reason we've stopped eating flesh, but they are all a part of the direction toward which we walk.

1. I've killed animals before, up close and personal. I've seen the desperate dying of God's beautiful creatures at my hands. I've heard the gasps, I've broken the necks, I've pierced the lungs. Life and death are not like light switches that you can turn on and off. You have to "take a life", it never gives up willingly. And it usually hurts. Every death is a real and sacred loss in the world. Yet, death is a part of life, so I ask myself: what is worth killing for?

2. I consider animals my companions. Since I spend a lot of time in nature, I see different kinds of animals, and appreciate them. But they are not usually as happy to see me. Squirrels flee up a tree at my crackling gate. Deer freeze and hope I don't notice their presence. Even elk, moose, and bears are acutely aware of the presence of a human, their most threatening predator. While I want to say, "Don't be afraid" to the animals, for many years they had real reason to be afraid of me, because I ate animals.

3. God's vision... and I'm not trying to make an intensely detailed interpretation here... seems to be that He created a world where animals and people ate plants (Gen. 1:29-30). God was distressed when all creatures were filled with violence (Gen. 6:11-13). Only after the flood did God consent to permitting humans to eat animals (Gen. 9:2-3). And the vision of God's future Kingdom in its fullness is a place where the lion and the lamb can be together in peace. If animals weren't created to be our food, what were they created for? I think it's beauty, diversity... companionship. Chief Seattle said, "If all the beasts were gone, man would die of a great loneliness of spirit."

4. Acknowledging the reality: where does "meat" come from? The turkey dinner for Thanksgiving was once a real, living, feathered, beard-wearing, clucking, running, soaring, growing, smart turkey. Someone killed it and took the meat off its body to be eaten. The chicken that we put in our complex recipes was flesh cut from a chicken that was killed. Every burger that we order from the drive through window means a cow was slaughtered. We are eating its flesh. Whether or not this is right or wrong, good or bad, at least I want to call it what it is. Every bite of meat that went into my mouth was cut from an animal that was killed so that I may eat its flesh. Every strip of fish, from a fish that was pulled out of the water and cut with a knife. I finally reached the point that I was not willing to allow others to do the dirty work while I got the detatched product in the grocery store. If I eat it, I'll kill it myself. Which leads me to...

5. A great distaste for violence. Studying martial arts for eighteen years now has given me some insight into the affect of violent action. I've hurt others, and been hurt. It's neither fun nor glorious. Violence is terrible (even if it's the least worst option). As Uncle Ben put it in Spiderman 1, "With great power comes great responsibility." Any amount of power or influence that I have, especially over the health and well-being of others, I want to use to promote life, not injure or destroy it. This seemed to be Jesus' mission statement also in John 10:10. We are stewards of God's earth, caretakers (that is one of the primary meanings of being made in the "image of God.") He has given us power to care for the earth, and each other. If I'm owning up to killing my food myself, am I willing to kill an animal to eat it? Not really.

6. Health benefits. It doesn't take much research to discover that not eating animals is a healthier way to go. With a little bit of discovery and imagination, all our health needs can be adequately met without eating animals. I always feared that giving up meat would be terribly difficult, make me feel starved all the time, would make food seem weightless and bland... but the opposite is true. Walking away from eating animals has been a joyful and delicious way of eating. It's not really a discipline or a rule, it just seems a better way to live. Plus, my wife is excelling at finding great vegetarian recipes.

7. Cost. This can be a plus or a minus. We obviously save money from not buying meat. However, we also consider things like the living conditions of the chickens that lay eggs we eat, and the situation of the cows that are milked. We're not vegans, but we try to act responsibly by buying organic, free-range chicken eggs, and rice milk. These can be more expensive, but subtract the meat costs, and it's not much more.

8. Enjoying Fruits and Vegetables. The thought of eating dead flesh is not really appealing lately... a chunk of meat that sits in my stomach and is not easily digested. But a red apple, a juice-misty orange, peeling open a squishy banana, snapping my teeth into an orange carrot, leafy greens... these things are full of live and nutrition. My body and mouth enjoy these things so much more, and I get to eat more of them because I'm not slogged down with meat in my stomach.

9. Stewardship and Perspective. Americans eat way more meat than most any humans ever dreamed of eating. It takes so much resource to produce one cow for slaughtering.. if that grain was used to feed the hungry, it would be incredibly more efficient. Our society has lots it's mind in regards to eating animals. Most people groups in most of history ate meat as a delicacy, a rare treat, when they were ready to kill one of their livestock, or purchase it from a neighbor. But in our minds, every day, or every meal, should have an animal mixed in. Animals are dying every time for this... and what's even more insane is how we are getting so many animals from their birth to the plate...

If you are interested to see the process a little more closely, watch these videos (but don't watch them right before dinner)...

REASONS VIDEO

SLAUGHTER VIDEO

FISH VIDEO

OBJECTION SECTION:

There are lots of counter-arguments people can offer to what I've written. But first, I'm not arguing. I'm just putting some words to our actions. I'm not seeking to convert or convince. I give credit to God for leading us into this path, not my own reasonings, although that was important.

Second, I know Jesus ate fish, and that God commanded sacrifice, and that Peter saw a vision of all animals being clean. Also, throw in that many societies may not have been able to survive without eating animals. Fine. I'm not passing judgment on those situations. I'm simply saying that in my life, in my family, the only reason we eat meat would be for our taste preferences, and that's no good reason, especially considering all the bad consequences.

Third, sure, this kind of choice means other little choices like what to do at a family get-together where grandma cooks pork. We don't live by the "rule" of vegetarianism, we live by the Law of Love. I think we can be considerate and loving, and still be who we are.
There are lots of other objections, but like I said, I'm only giving some words to our actions, for those who ask.

Quick Leadership Style Check

2009-12-16T09:12:00.000-08:00

1. How focused are you on Project? (1-10)
2. How focused are you on People? (1-10)
3. Where are you on the continuum:

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Democratic Bureaucratic Autocratic

Leadership Styles:

1. People-focused
2. Project-focused
3. Laissez Faire
4. Bureaucratic
5. Democratic
6. Autocratic
7. Charismatic
8. Transactional
9. Servant
10. Transformational

Paradigms in Christian History

2009-12-04T08:15:00.000-08:00

PARADIGMS OF THE PAST

The purpose of this work is to help you understand yourself better as a part of the historical Christian story. Where did we come from? Where are we now? Where might we go?
To aid us in self-understanding, we will use the theme of paradigms. Historical paradigms are hard to define. My definition: A paradigm is a framework through which we interpret reality, which is comprised of our broadly shared cultural distinctives, beliefs about reality, and methods of ascertaining knowledge.
First, we must acknowledge that we are indebted to our paradigm that has helped shape what and how we think and believe. We can only view a paradigm from within our paradigm, but by understanding and creatively imagining ourselves in another paradigm we can more fully understand the story of our faith.

Some points regarding paradigms:

· One can talk of paradigms related to science, philosophy, history, etc. We are focusing on the paradigms of the Christian story, in relation to their surrounding paradigms.
· Paradigms are not clean cut. They don’t “start” and “end” at specific times. Also, there may be more than one paradigm operating at any one time in a specific country, church, or even person!
· Our goal for understanding paradigms is not to be judgmental on others, and the mistakes that they have made. We can and should point out the ways in which our ancestors have been unfaithful to the Gospel at times, but with an attitude of humility. We can learn from them.
· Paradigms tend to work like pendulums. They swing, and can be reactionary toward the preceding paradigm. Understanding a paradigm and its distinctives in context helps make sense of why people made certain decisions. They may have been reacting to a previous bad decision.

The major paradigms we will briefly examine are:

1. Apocalyptic Paradigm of the Early Church (AD 30’s—80’s)
2. Hellenistic Paradigm of the Patristics (AD 80s—early 300’s)
3. Eastern Church (Orthodox) (AD 300’s à)
4. Medieval Roman Catholic Paradigm (AD 600’s à )
5. Protestant Reformation (AD 1500’s à)
6. Enlightenment (AD 1700’s à )
7. Postmodern (AD mid/late 1900’s à )

1. Early Church Paradigm.
After Jesus gathered a band of followers, performed miracles, taught the crowds, died on a cross, and rose from the dead, what was to become of his friends and followers? Jesus gave his small group of disciples the mission to spread the Gospel to the whole world, starting with their local communities. First, they shared the message of Jesus to their fellow Jews. Some of the Jews believed in Jesus, many did not. Paul spread the message of Christ to the Jews, but his primary target of mission became the non-Jews (Gentiles). Thus, Christian communities formed all across the Roman Empire. Those outside of the church often greeted them with skepticism, disdain, or even persecution.
One characteristic that united the missionary efforts of the Early Church era was that they were motivated by the apocalypse. They believed Jesus would return soon, which spurred on their spread of the Gospel. In Paul’s letters to the various churches, he frequently refers to the impending return of Jesus, and the reader can sense the urgency in his writing and the missionary efforts of Christians.

2. Hellenistic Paradigm.
Though Jesus and his followers were Jews, Christianity and Judaism eventually distinguished themselves as separate groups. Wider expansion of the Gospel happened in the Greek world, until the Emperor Constantine passed an act of official tolerance to Christianity (AD 313, Edict of Milan), and then eventually presided over the First Ecumenical Council at Nicea (AD 325). The Christian movement had gone from a marginal and persecuted minority to the official religion of the Empire. This broad exposure brought new questions for Christianity. How would this new faith be presented to Greek philosophers, who came from a very different worldview than the Jews? How would the integrity of the teachings of Jesus be preserved among so many developing and divergent views? Christianity’s contact with Hellenistic philosophy had profound effects. Thoughtful Christians now saw the need to defend the faith rationally to their neighbors, and to align their doctrines systematically for themselves so as not to admit heresy into the church. Apologists like Justin and Clement tried to bridge the gap between the Christian message and the Hellenistic frame of mind. Official ecumenical councils also met to determine the correct doctrine of issues such as the divinity of Jesus, and the relationship of the Holy Spirit to the Father and the Son. Christianity had now moved from being strictly a history-based religion (people testifying to the Jesus whom they had seen raise from the dead, or heard about his message through the apostles) to a systematic set of beliefs (doctrines about God the Father, Son, Spirit, etc.). This was important to Christians of the time because certain views were being taught about Christianity that were considered heretical (Gnosticism, Pelagianism, Marcionism).

3. Eastern Church Paradigm.
The Church was relatively united inside the Holy Roman Empire for around a thousand years. In 1054, the Eastern Orthodox Church and the Western Church parted ways, largely due to a political dispute regarding the capital city (Rome and Constantinople), and a theological debate regarding the nature of the Holy Spirit. The Eastern Orthodox Church still exists in great numbers all over the world today. They did not follow the theological or the historical paths that the Western Church treaded.
The Eastern Churches highly emphasized liturgy as an important thread that united the faithful Church in its worship of the one true God. Tradition reigned over innovation. They saw themselves as primarily a body of believers whose main task was to bring glory to God through right worship, and that act would serve a missional goal of testifying to God’s love for all humankind. Theosis (the process of being made holy and divine by being brought into the fellowship of the Triune God) was a dominant theme in Eastern theology, instead of the emphasis on The Fall, and the sinful condition of humanity that the Western Church stressed.

4. Medieval Roman Catholic Paradigm.
Christianity maintained a close relationship to the Roman Empire for many centuries. The Roman Catholic Church was an inseparable part of the culture and politics of the Empire. The Pope and the King often had a tenuous relationship, as did the mission of the Gospel and the purposes of the State. At times, the political and religious agendas were mixed to the point that one could say that the Empire was enacting a religious war against it’s political enemies, forcing conversion of death to its adversaries. This religious warring is also seen in the example of the Crusades.
Augustine (AD 354-430) influenced the theology of the Roman Catholic Church, which, as previously mentioned, placed emphasis on The Fall of Humanity, and the sinfulness of the human which could only be atoned for by the death of Jesus on the cross. A later theologian, Thomas Aquinas (AD 1225-1274), helped solidify a structural hierarchy for both theology and society. Class stratification thus became the norm, with kings and nobles exercising their God-given roles at the top, and peasants fulfilling their divine place at the bottom. This took shape in religious hierarchy as well, with the pope on top, followed by various levels of priestly mediators in between, and the common people on the bottom. Also, whereas the Eastern Orthodox Church believed that the Kingdom of God was already significantly underway through the earthly presence of the true church, the Western Church tended to be more dualistic, placing its hopes in the heaven after death in which the saved soul could enjoy eternal bliss.

5. Protestant Reformation Paradigm.
Martin Luther ushered in the Protestant Reformation (followed by other leaders such as Calvin and Swingly), which was a movement that first intended to reform that Roman Catholic Church. Eventually, however, the Protestants became a distinct entity. Reacting heavily to the Church of his day, Luther advocated that one could only be saved through faith, which was a gift from God. He emphasized the priesthood of all believers, which made the intermediary role of the Catholic priest redundant. Sola Scriptura became a central theme for the reformers; Scripture alone was the authority of the believers, not the traditions of the Church, which may be in contradiction with the Bible. What Luther began as an internal reformation branched out into many distinct bodies of Churches that spread throughout Europe, into the Americas, and throughout the world through colonization and missionary efforts (or example, the Lutheran, Reformed/Calvinist, Anglican, Pietist, Anabaptist, Methodist, and their progeny.)

6. Enlightenment Paradigm.
The Enlightenment changed everything in Christendom, and one might even say it ended Christendom. Human reason was central to the enlightenment. All beliefs were put under the test of rationality. Nothing could be assumed on faith. Scientific knowledge and rational knowledge were seen as objective reality, and beliefs were seen as subjective values, which had no grounds for authority in the public realm. With this march of science and reason, many in Europe fought for social equality, and the old hierarchical systems were somewhat beheaded. Technology advanced rapidly, giving rise to incredible optimism that the world was a closed system that operated within rational and scientific laws, and that human beings could solve any problem and manipulate the environment to suit any need if only they had enough time, knowledge, and resources.
The Enlightenment was an age of dichotomy. Having seen the religious wars of previous generations, social leaders promoted a more tolerant State stance toward religions, with a greater separation between Church and State powers. Other dualities were also draw: secular and sacred, fact and value, cause and effect, civilized and heathen, liberal and conservative.
The Enlightenment shaped Western Christianity in many ways (especially Protestantism). Theology became viewed as a science. Un-provable beliefs were viewed with skepticism, and Christian apologetics tried to explain the rationality of the faith according to the Enlightenment rules. Scholars began “submitting” the Bible to historical, literary, and rational criticism, without submitting themselves to it. Liberal versions of Christianity bought into the Enlightenment rationality, and transformed the Gospel into a message about a moral Jesus and a social improvement plan bereft of any miraculous realities or sin-salvation necessity. In reaction, conservative Christians held claim to a strong view of the authority of Scripture (inerrant, infallible), a central focus on the soul-saving work of Jesus on the Cross, the pre-millennial return of Christ, and the necessity of worldwide mission before Christ’s return. In much of Christian mission, whether liberal (social improvement focused) or conservative (soul-saving focused), western Christians blended their cultural realities with their Gospel mission, taking progress and technology with them to less developed nations as part of the package deal of missions.

7. Postmodern Paradigm.
This new paradigm is still infiltrating society slowly. It is difficult to describe, and is often easier seen in its reaction to the Enlightenment. For the Church, postmodernism looks to reunite some of the dualisms of the Enlightenment into more helpful creative tensions. It is displaying that science and the universe are not as fixed and closed as earlier thought, and it is allowing for meaning and purpose to be sought in the more validated sphere of beliefs and spirituality. This new paradigm is a shift to the ecumenical reality of the world. “We now recognize that the church is both a theological and sociological entity…” The Church is still on a mission, and is regaining a new place in the postmodern world. It will not likely be the place of political privilege that it held in the Medieval Paradigm, nor the place of scrutiny in the Enlightenment, but the place of witnessing to the hope in the Jesus of old, whose life, death, and resurrection still bring life to those who believe.

The information regarding these paradigms was largely drawn from:

Bosch, David. Transforming Mission: Paradigm Shifts in Theology of Mission. New York: Orbis
Books. 1991

Prayers (Collected)

2009-11-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

Oh Lord, I place myself in your hands and dedicate myself to you. I pledge myself to do your will in all things--to love the Lord God with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength.
Not to kill or steal; not to covet or bear false witness. To honor all persons. Not to do to another what I would not wish done to myself. To chastise the body and not to seek after pleasures.
To love fasting nd to relieve the poor; to clothe the naked and to visit the sick; to bury the dead and to help those in trouble. To console the sorrowing and to hold myself aloof from worldy ways. To prefer nothing to the love of Christ.
Not to give way to anger nor to foster a desire for revenge; not to entertain deceit in the heart nor to make a false peace; not to forsake charity nor to swear, lest I swear falsely.
To speak the truth with heart and tongue and not to return evil for evil; to do no evil and, indeed, even to bear patiently any injury done to me. To love my enemies and not to curse those who curse me-- but rather bless them.
To bear persecution for justice's sake and not to be proud. Not to delight in intoxicating drink, nor to be an overeater; not to be lazy or slothful; not to be a murmurer or a detractor.
To put my trust in God and to refer the good I see in myself to God; to refer any evil in myself to myself, and to fear the day of judgment. To be in dread of hell and to desire eternal life with ardent longing; to keep death before my eyes daily and to keep constant watch over my words and deeds.
To remember that God sees me everwhere and so to call upon Christ for defense against evil thoughts that spring up in my heart. To guard my tongue against wicked speech and, indeed, to avoid much speaking. To avoid idle talk and not try to be considered clever.
To read only what is good to read and to look at only what is good to see. To pray often. To ask forgiveness daily for my sins and to look for ways to amend my life. To obey my superiors in all legitimate things, not to be thought holy so much as to be holy.
To fulfill the commandments of God through good works. To love chastity and to have no one. Not to be jealous or envious of anyone, nor to love strife and pride. To honor the aged and to pray for my enemies. To make peace after a quarrel before sunset and never to despair of your mercy, O God of Mercy. Amen.
(St. Benedict)

Pastoral Evaluation of Church Health

2009-11-03T09:51:00.000-08:00

PASTORAL ASSESSMENT OF CHURCH LIFE

(Evaluate in each main area: worship, mission, community, discipleship, stewardship.)

1. What is already happening?

2. How is it effective and healthy?

3. How can it improve?

4. What is the plan for improvement?
Assessment
Investment
Adjustment
Evaluation

5. What is not already happening but needed?

6. How can it be added?
prayer/timing
ministry teams
support
accountability

Role of Pastor

2009-11-03T09:50:00.000-08:00

PASTOR’S ROLE: My brief summary.

1. Personal Life. (Model healthy relationships with God, self, family, Christians, non-Christians)

2. Lead Corporate Worship ???

3. Teach, Preach, Disciple (Christians and non)

4. Equip the Church for worship, discipleship, community, stewardship, mission (lead the leaders of the ministry teams).

Process of Persons

2009-11-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

My bief summary on the general process of someone who is not a Christian becoming a Christian....

NON-CHRISTIANS ….. church reaches out… they hear God’s call … respond in faith to
Jesus… Baptized

BECOME CHRISTIANS…. part of church… worship…. grow… form community… steward…
mission

The Church's Four Relationships

2009-11-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

CHURCH --> GOD = WORSHIP Whole Life of Devotion
Church Service
Prayer, music/art, Scripture, Sermon
Giving, Relationship
CHURCH --> CHRISTIANS = COMMUNITY LIFE Relationships, Every small group =GROWTH, DISCIPLESHIP
Head—Heart—Hands
Mentorship, Adult Education Classes, Youth/Kid Groups, Small Groups, Sermon, Outside reading,
Outside education

CHURCH --> NON-CHRISTIANS =MISSION
build Relationships
Go Out (to meet needs)
Invite In (to meet Jesus)

CHURCH --> ALL CREATION = STEWARDSHIP of all
resources to God’s glory.
Small Teams for:
Money
Time/Work
Material Resources

Curriculum Evaluation Sheet

2009-10-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

CURRICULUM EVALUATION
Jarod Osborne
October 8, 2009

Evaluating Specific Curriculum…

Name of Curriculum: Publisher:

1. What is the purpose of this curriculum?

2. What’s the Philosophy of Education?

Perennialism Essentialism Progressivism Reconstructionism

3. What is the Theological Foundation?

Lutheran Reformed Wesleyan Baptist/Free Church

Episcopal Pentecostal Roman Catholic Eastern Orthodox

4. What is the Psychological Foundation?

Behaviorist Cognitive Humanistic

5. How is it Designed?

Subject-Centered Learner-Centered Problem-Centered

6. What Learning Styles does it utilize?

Visual Auditory Sensory Intuitive

ConcreteàUniversal UniversalàConcrete Active Engagement

Reflective Linear Non-Linear

7. What Kind of Intelligence is most valued?

Linguistic Logical Spatial Kinesthetic Musical Inter-Personal

Intra-Personal Naturalistic

8. What is Explicit in this curriculum?

9. What is Implicit in this curriculum?

10. What is Null in this curriculum?

11. What does this curriculum relate to the Social and Political Environment?

12. What is the Teacher’s Role?

13. What is the Pre-Requisite Knowledge?

14. What is the intended Audience?

15. How does this curriculum fit into your larger educational goals?

16. Will I use this curriculum? How will I adapt it?

Quotes

2009-10-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Quotes: Princeton Theological Seminary, 2007-2008 Academic Year. Compiled by Jarod Osborne
NEW TESTAMENT:

· “The Empire was wrong. The conquests were evil. You did not follow Him.” –JSO
· “Jesus is weird and wild.” –Ross Wagner
· ”How are we to go on dreaming the dream that Jesus dreamed?” –Wagner
· “Part of the task of preaching is to fill people’s imagination with Scripture, it’s narratives, its poetry…(so that they can view all of life in terms of the canon.).” –Wagner
· “Paul is a charismatic, an enthusiast, a mystic, perhaps.” –Wagner
· “My martial arts training does not teach people how to use violence to fight people, but teaches people how to use love to fight violence.” –JSO
· “The weapons of warfare are patient endurance and faithful witness.” –Wagner on Revelation
Make no mistake: if He rose at all
it was as His body;
if the cells’ dissolution did not reverse, the molecules
reknit, the amino acids rekindle,
the Church will fall.
It was not as the flowers,
each soft Spring recurrent;
it was not as His Spirit in the mouths and fuddled
eyes of the eleven apostles;
it was as His flesh: ours.
The same hinged thumbs and toes,
the same valved heart
that–pierced–died, withered, paused, and then
regathered out of enduring Might
new strength to enclose.
Let us not mock God with metaphor,
analogy, sidestepping, transcendence;
making of the event a parable, a sign painted in the
faded credulity of earlier ages:
let us walk through the door.
The stone is rolled back, not papier-mâché,
not a stone in a story,
but the vast rock of materiality that in the slow
grinding of time will eclipse for each of us
the wide light of day.
And if we will have an angel at the tomb,
make it a real angel,
weighty with Max Planck’s quanta, vivid with hair,
opaque in the dawn light, robed in real linen
spun on a definite loom.
Let us not seek to make it less monstrous,
for our own convenience, our own sense of beauty,
lest, awakened in one unthinkable hour, we are
embarrassed by the miracle,
and crushed by remonstrance. –John Updike, Seven Stanzas at Easter

SYSTEMATIC THEOLOGY

· “God’s call to faithfulness can sometimes be a summons to be still and wait. There is a creative waiting as well as a creative acting.” –Migliore
· “Without tradition, you cannot do theology.” –Sang Lee
· “I personally think that the gospel is a great mystery.” –Stacy Johnson
· “I don’t understand the gospel. It is bigger than I am. It is bigger than our doctrines.” –Johnson
· “(Revelation is) the intelligible event that makes all other events intelligible.” –H.R. Niebuhr
· “Thought, even with the aid of revelation, is painful, and doubt assails the human heart.” –Niebuhr
· “To remember the human past as our past is to achieve community with mankind.” –Niebhr
· “The measure of our unity is the extent of our common memory.” –Niebuhr
· “Revelation is not only progressive but it requires of those to whom it has come that they begin the never-ending pilgrim’s progress of the reasoning Christian heart.” –Niebuhr
· “The cross of Jesus Christ is the final convincing demonstration of the fact that the order of the universe is not one of retribution in which goodness is rewarded and evil punished, but rather an order of graciousness wherein, as Jesus had observed, the sun is meant to shine on evil and on good.” –Niebuhr (in War as Crucifixion)
· “Always have a hermeneutic of suspicion.” –John Drury
· “Revelation is of persons (in history)… thus what can we know based on these people and their relationships.” –Niebuhr
· “We see the power of God over the strong of Earth made evident not in the fact that he slays them, but in his making the spirit of the slain Jesus unconquerable.” –Niebuhr
· “Death is not the manifestation of power; there is a power behind and in the power of death which is stronger than death.” –Niebuhr
· “The reign of the triune God is the rule of sovereign love rather than the rule of force.” –Migliore
· “The glory of the triune God consists not in dominating others but in sharing life with others.” –Migliore
· “God loves in freedom, lives in communion, and wills creatures to live in a new community of mutual love and service.” –Migliore
· “However scandalous the idea, the gospel narrative identifies God as the power of compassionate love that is stronger than sin and death.” –Migliore
· “Love can never be an offense to Christ.” –Dostoevsky
· “Trinitarian terminology should function less to explain the mystery than to preserve it.” –Placher
· “Ultimate reality is relational. Ultimate reality is giving one’s being to another.” –Lee
· “Your ministry to your physical health is just as important as your ministry to your people.” –Lee
· “If you show love for all people, you will be killed.” –Lee
· “The fact that some of us are men is a good thing. And the fact that some of us are women is a good thing.” –Lee
· Jonathan Edwards says that God has a disposition to beautify and to love.
· “Let us make up, Master of the universe. Yes, let us make up, for the child in me. It is unbearable to be divorced from you for so long.” –Elie Weisel
· “No statement (theological or otherwise) should be made that would not be credible in the presence of burning children.” –Irving Greenburg
· Post WWII theology—incorporating silence, unintelligibility, and unredeemed events into theological reflection???
· “Freedom will be greater once free choice is not able to serve sin.” –Augustine
· “I think this is part of the genius of Scripture, that hat we’re given is not a philosophical treatise on evil in Genesis 2, but we’re simply told a story. And it’s our story.” –Johnson
· “Boys will be boys—boys will steal pears.” –Stacy Johnson
· “Evil is that to which God says ‘no.’” –Barth
God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen. --Reinholdt Niebuhr

METHODIST DOCTRINE

· “If we (pastors) don’t talk, the damn organist is going to fill it up with elevator music.” --Ken Rowe
· “Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.” –John Wesley
· “I am haunted by waters.” –A River Runs Through It
· “Show me that you have a Princeton education, not just a Princeton degree.” –Rowe
· “Life is never a dress rehearsal.” –Some guy told Adam Gorman this.
· “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” –The new golden rule

Life Timeline

2009-09-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

Brief Chronology:

This short history of my life is mostly for me to keep track of where I’ve been.

1982-1994 Grew up in the wild outdoors outside of Savannah, Ohio.
1994 Briefly stayed in a house (belonging to the Arthur’s) in Ashland, Ohio.
1994-1996 Lived in a nice big white house near Ashland High School. (King Ridge Court)
1996-2000 Lived in another white house outside of Ashland. C.R. 1095. Went to Ashland
Christian School K-8, Hillsdale High School 9-11, and Mansfield Christian for
my senior year.
2000-2004 Lived in Marion, Indiana while attending Indiana Wesleyan University.
2001 Summer internship in Watford City, North Dakota.
2002 Summer at home in Ohio.
2003 Study abroad semester at Xiamen University, Xiamen, Fujian, China.
2004-2007 Moved back home to Mansfield, Ohio.
2007 Four month volunteer mission in Uganda, East Africa.
2007-2009 Lived in Princeton, New Jersey with my wife Esther, as I pursue Masters of
Divinity at Princeton Theological Seminary.
2008 Right after our wedding, summer in Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming.

Book Review: Under the Unpredictable Plant (Peterson)

2009-09-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

Under the Unpredictable Plant: An Exploration in Vocational Holiness
Eugene Peterson

Main Point: Pastor is a spiritual director, not program director.

BOOK SKETCH:

PASTOR IS: Spiritual Director (holy, loving, peaceful, connected with God—an example of all these things, and present with people, and naming God’s presence with them in the various parts of their lives.

PASTOR IS NOT: Program director. (focused on “to do” religious consumerism)

PASTOR DOES: 1. Name God truthfully and rightly
2. Name God personally with people

PASTOR’S METHOD: Contemplative Life (Prayer, time alone, secret heart of devotion to God)

PITFALLS:
· religion
· career advancement
· consumeristic cultural expectations
· focus on numbers/attendance
· looking for greener pastures (parishes)

QUOTES:

“Spiritual direction is the act of paying attention to God, being attentive to God in a person or circumstances or situation. A prerequisite is standing back, doing nothing. It opens a quiet eye of adoration. It releases the energetic wonder of faith. It notices the Invisibilities in and beneath and around the Visibilities. It listens for the Silences between the spoken Sounds.” (181)

“Religion is the enemy of the Gospel.” (140)

“Reticence then—a healthy respect for limits—is a requisite pastoral skill.” (139)

“The congregation is the pastor’s place for developing vocational holiness.” (21)

ACTION STEPS:
1. Pray/contemplate 1 hr / day in ministry.
2. Read about 2-3 books per month, writing reviews /blog.
3. Focus on God, his work in me, his work in others
4. Don’t focus on : my career, numbers, religion, American consumerism, programs.

Personal Principles of Leadership

2009-09-10T13:40:00.001-07:00

PERSONAL PRINCIPLES FOR LEADERSHIP AND MINISTRY.
September 10, 2009

1. Put a spark in their hearts and walk away. They’ll catch fire if the time is right. If not, you’ve saved yourself a lot of blowing on wet wood.
2. A consuming, surrendered, vital relationship with God is first, responsibility to my family second, friends and ministry third. To do all this, I’ve gotta be healthy and sharp.
3. I go into the woods to remember, renew, and then charge forward, not to retreat or retire.
4. Every day should involve prayer, work, rest, and art.
5. In listening to others, I feel God.
6. It’s harder to get side-tracked when you know where you’re going.
7. I need a sharp hoe for the garden to grow. Maintain the tools, grow the people.
8. We fight for marriages.
9. It’s okay if you’re easily influenced—just surround yourself with the kind of people you want to become.
10. I cannot feed my body unhealthy food and expect it to be healthy.
11. Always be open and ready to find a new student.
12. Do not seek pleasure outright. Pursue loving others, good investments, hard work, and balanced living, and pleasure will be a frequent visitor.
13. Just grieve with the grieving. That’s what God is doing.
14. Destiny draws me forward into the future, writing a story behind me that was composed from end to beginning.
15. A disciplined schedule is necessary for a leader. My followers can’t afford me to take poor care of my body, mind, spirit, house, car, or family.
16. In my past is a plethora of mistakes and ignorances, and so will my future be. But these will not define me.
17. Your days are numbered. Soon you’ll be dead. Whatever you are doing, enjoy it. Enjoy life. Be in the moment.
18. Believing in God gives me reason to be fiercely optimistic.
19. Temptation often looks just like what you want. Wisdom is choosing what you need.
20. All addictions lead to the same place, and that place doesn’t even have what you’re addicted to. There is only you, guilty and hurting.
21. Your treasures in heaven are people. Who will yours be?
22. God has enough money; he needs your trust.
23. Sometimes you’ll plant crops you never get to harvest. Sometimes you’ll harvest crops you didn’t plant. What you can’t do is live like it’s perpetual winter.
24. I have resolved to never lose today worrying about or looking forward to tomorrow.
25. Some wonderful things have happened in my life—things that God did for me, that I could never do for myself. I want to always remember this.
26. Charisma is the icing, consistency the cake.
27. I have no greater responsibility than to hold my wife’s heart.
28. Wandering is fun, but that’s not where the love is.
29. I have such a hard time remembering the date—it’s always changing.

Routine Maintenance

2009-08-27T09:15:00.001-07:00

Here is a working list of the routine maintenance that my family needs to do. Maybe you have your own list, or can work off of ours.

EVERY DAY:

vitamins
stretch

pray

eat healthy food

de-stress

adequate sleep

EVERY WEEK:

exercise (3-5 times)

sex (4-10 times)!

EVERY MONTH: (right before our 3rd week talk)....

Jarod- testicular self-exam

Esther- breast self-exam

EVERY FOUR MONTHS:

Car: oil change + check air filter + air pressure + fluid levels + inspect hoses and lights + rotate tires + (mid-December for Saturn Ion)
Replace furnace filter (and AC)

EVERY YEAR:

Car:

lubricate chassis,

wash and wax car,

inspect brakes and change if signs of wear,

change cabin air filter, flush antifreeze,

check spark plugs (change if blackened),

timing belt (replace if worn or stretched!)

Spiritual Retreat (2-3 days)

Vacation
House:
clean and inspect gutters

empty hot water heater and clean bottom

insulate exterior wall water pipes ???
inspect fire and carbon monoxide alarms

check grout and re-calk
check exterior paint and siding
clean back of fridge

EVERY TWO OR THREE YEARS:

Physical Exam (Jare& Es--Sept. 2009, again in August 2012)
Eye Exam (Es-- Sept. 2009, again as needed)

Dental-- (Jare and Es, Oct. 2009, again in Oct. 2011, or earlier if needed)

EVERY FIVE YEARS:

Colon cleansing (Jarod-- August 2012)

CAR MAINTENANCE HARDWARE:
Car owner's manual

Oil pan

Oil

Oil filter
Air Filter

soap, sponge, wax

Antifreeze

windshield washer fluid

power steering fluid

jack for car

Rule of Life

2009-08-20T15:32:00.003-07:00

Introduction.

This project is in conjunction with EF5460, “Congregational Spiritual Formation: Developing a Rule of Life,” instructed by Angela Reed at Princeton Theological Seminary, January 2009. I have intentionally taken liberties with this project that extend beyond the directives for the final paper. I am writing this first for myself, in a style that I am able to access easily in the future. I am also writing this for future congregants who may be interested in spiritual formation and developing a rule of life.

My Rule of Life

Foundations of Spiritual Formation

Spiritual Formation is the process by which the Holy Spirit develops an individual (or community) toward the highest possibility of loving relationships with God, self, and all of creation.

The Process.

Human beings were designed to exist in relationships. We are social creatures at heart. No life can exist without relationships. A person’s own birth was the product of a relationship of two parents. The formative months in the womb were spent in a directly dependent relationship with the mother. The growing process of childhood necessitates a multitude of relationships. Even the most extreme examples of hermits and recluses are engaging in relationships. They were formed by their earlier associations, they carried their learning into solitude (for example, how to cook or live off the land), they interact with nature in an intimate way (their bodies being influenced by what they ingest, their minds developed by what they read, their health potentially threatened by viruses or animals). True aloneness is not true humanity.
Behind human interactions is God, who has existed eternally in relationship. The concept of the Triune God—Father, Son, and Spirit—is not simply the subject for theologians to attempt to explain. It is the faucet from which communal life flows. Before God created, God was not alone. There were always the three, sharing intimate life and love together. God’s creation was a way of extending the relationship to those outside of Himself, an expansion of the family circle. Humanity was intended by its creator to participate in the relationships of the Triune God. We were made for this, and are incomplete without it.
While the relationships of the Father, Son, and Spirit are perfect, humans cannot make the same claim. Our relationships to self, God, each other, and all of creation are plagued with abuses and regrets. When we view ourselves in light of Jesus’ perfect love, we find ourselves lacking, or worse. Our actions and motivations cannot measure up to the design of self-giving love that is modeled in the Triune God. And thus our relationships are never what they should be. We disappoint our friends, break the trust of our families, devastate the natural world, turn away from God’s directions, and resort to either losing hope or trying to fix these problems on our own.
Is it really this bad? Am I exaggerating the problems to make a point? Let the reader be the judge. Study history, noticing the good, the bad, and the shameful. Examine the behavior of children They seem to inherently know how to disobey, but need external discipline to be taught obedience. Read through the high expectations of Jesus in Matthew 5-7 , and honestly assess yourself in light of them. Am I over-stating the issue, or do we humans really have a systemic problem with our relationships?
The bigger message of Jesus, however, is good news. Knowing our failures, God wants to help us redeem our relationships. Jesus speaks of his Father not as a cruel judge who enjoys punishing criminals, but as a loving father seeking out his lost children. Each one of us can be brought back into loving relationship with the Triune God, and forgiven of our sins, if we want it. Forgiveness is a central aspect to the process, because it acknowledges the genuine wrongness of our sins, and the pain it has caused in our relationships (especially to Christ who died painfully for our forgiveness). Being forgiven means to be free from the guilt and regret of the past, and to then commit to a new and bright future. When in renewed relationship with God, we are promised strength to begin to help overcome our weaknesses, clarity to navigate through our confusion, comfort to ease our suffering, and genuine love to glue us together in healthy relationships. Just like forgiveness, God gives this to us when we ask, because God already loves us. Nothing we do changes that. However, once we are living in relationship with God, we become an active member of the family. We must participate in our own journey of transformation, both for the benefit of our community and ourselves. This is where spiritual disciplines become important. They are tried and true methods that people have used for centuries to cultivate their relationship with God.

FORMATION—
God creates us with the intention of loving relationship.
DEFORMATION—
We are unable to actualize that intention alone, creating problems for others and ourselves.
TRANSFORMATION—
God forgives us and gives us a new start in the context of loving relationship with him.
CONFORMATION—
The process in which we conform our whole selves to actualize the dreams that God has for us.
INFORMATION—
That which we learn along the way. Bad information may lead us toward deformation, good information may help us in transformation or conformation.

Spiritual Disciplines.

1. Prayer
2. Meditation
3. Fasting
4. Study
5. Simplicity
6. Solitude
7. Submission
8. Service
9. Confession
10. Worship
11. Guidance
12. Celebration
Prayer is essentially communication with God. Prayer can be done in a variety of ways,
such as talking, writing, listening, and other forms of expression (art, physical movement). Prayer usually involves four elements:
· Praise—acknowledging God’s place as good, beautiful, and ultimately in charge, and putting ourselves in a humble posture before God.
· Confession—admitting our sins and asking for forgiveness.
· Supplication—bringing our wants, desires, and concerns to God, requesting that His will be done in our lives.
· Thanksgiving—remembering and thanking God for His love for us, and all the ways that we have seen it enacted in our lives.
A deepening prayer life can bring us to awareness that God is with us in each moment. Nothing has to be said here, but we can live in the constant loving presence of God, and a kind of intimate communication that transcends spoken words. Brother Lawrence described this as “practicing the presence of God.”
Meditation is like slowly drinking a glass of wine. First we must set aside all distractions—physical, mental and emotional. Then we slowly taste the drink, which might be a verse of Scripture, an image of God, a memory of the Spirit’s presence, or an inspired thought. We let the material settle inside us for a while, still attuned only on the subject at hand, aware of God’s presence, and allowing what we just ingested to be digested and shape us. Meditation is part of the process of Lectio Divina, which occurs in four parts:
· Lectio—reading of the Scriptures aloud (just a few verses)
· Meditatio—meditating on the word
· Oratio—responding to God
· Contemplatio—resting in and enjoying God’s presence
Fasting is the practice of intentionally
abstaining from a want or need (often food) for the purpose of cleansing the body and spirit, receiving spiritual nourishment from God, and special times of prayer.
Study is acquiring information for the purpose of transformation.
Simplicity means weeding out the harmful things in our lives, reducing any excess, decreasing our focus on possessions and worldly pursuits, living closer to our basic needs, and re-focusing our lives on what is most important for holistic health.
Solitude is the discipline of being away from other people. We engage in solitude to be renewed and to reconnect with God alone. Because God is always with us, solitude never means being completely alone.
Submission is the act of willfully putting yourself under someone else’s authority and guidance. You set aside what you want and obey what the other person wants. We submit to God first, giving Him the authority to shape us and lead our lives. Secondly, we submit to others as a way of loving them, especially to parents, spouses, spiritual leaders, and those who hold offices of leadership for the good of the community.
Service is meeting someone else’s needs while not focusing on your own.
Confession is mentioned above in regards to prayer, and can be done alone with God or
in community.
Worship is an act of love that includes humbling yourself before God, submitting to His will, offering yourself and your resources for His purposes, enjoying the presence of God, and renewing the bonds of your loving relationship with Him.
Guidance means finding direction and counsel for decisions or life questions. The Holy Spirit is our true Guide in life’s journey. We can also find direction through trusted friends, mentors, spiritual directors, or others. Below is a list of ways to listen for God’s guidance:
· Scripture
· Creation
· Another Person (which may include books)
· Life Circumstances
· Dreams
· Intuition, Clarity
· Journaling
Celebration is an act in which you enjoy God’s blessings. It may take the form of
feasting, dancing, having a party, singing, or other activities.
Beyond these classic twelve disciplines, anything we do that is good and leads us into a deepening love of God and conformity to His will can possibly be a spiritual discipline. We may ask three questions:
1. What am I doing?
2. Why am I doing it?
3. How does it transform me to be more like Christ?
After desiring a growing relationship with God, many people throughout history have found it useful to develop for themselves a “Rule of Life.” This is a voluntary guideline that they choose to adopt and enact in order that their progress in working with the Spirit for their transformation might be steady and more successful. The rules that one creates must be voluntary, not coerced. They should be out of a sense of love for God, and not motivated by guilt, fear, or an attempt to earn God’s approval.

How to Develop a Rule of Life.

1. Begin with silence, and ask for God’s guidance.
2. Examine your motivations.
3. It may be helpful to think in terms of your four primary relationships: God, Self, Community, All of Creation.
4. Write down your spiritual disciplines (or guiding principles), when you will do them specifically, and how much time they will require each week.
5. Share this rule with friends or loved ones who know you well, getting their feedback. Is there some area you’ve neglected? Is your rule realistic? Would your rule create balanced and healthy relationships?
6. Prayerfully revise your rule as necessary.
7. Bring the rule to life by engaging in the daily disciplines that connect you with God. Keep in mind that your routines and life circumstances may change, and thus you may need to adjust your rule from time to time. We are not seeking perfection in obedience to the rule, but a guided pilgrimage toward an ever-deeper relationship with God.

My Rule During Seminary

Perspective of Education.

Parker Palmer describes well the most common approach to education in the academy:

We are well-educated people who have been schooled in a way of knowing that treats the world as an object to be dissected and manipulated, a way of knowing that gives us power over the world… I used my knowledge to rearrange the world to satisfy my drive for power, distorting and deranging life rather than loving it for the gift it is.

Our society often views education as a means to a career, money, authority, prestige, and power. The mind is set on a crusade to convert all the possible data into a coherent system, to annex the outer reaches of that system, and then to be the lord of the land. Reality is discussed in terms of fact and objectivity, both of which must stand the test of empirical or rational proof. Any beastly creature that does not remain to graze in this enclosure, which cannot be wrestled under the microscope, is viewed with suspicion or dismissed altogether. In the academy, human reason and scientifically verifiable evidence are the trump cards. And when someone holds the trump cards, he has the power.
I perceive my seminary to be operating in this mode of education by rational conquest. I am deeply disappointed and discouraged by it. It seems that students are to approach the Bible to dissect it, to critique it, to master the information that is the text’s context, thus mastering the text. Most of the classes I have experienced discuss the subject matter (even if the subject matter is Christian history or theology) as if God is absent from the lecture, and exists in our doctrines but not in our lives. The goal of these classes, and the seminary training in general, are so vague and frustrating to me that I can hardly articulate them. It seems that our calling while at seminary is to ingest a massive amount of information, understand arguments, think critically about them, and be able to articulate our positions with clarity, rational consistency, and force. All this is so that we can be well-trained professionals in our various fields, showing a great command over a massive body of knowledge. In whatever ways this is true of my seminary experience, this kind of thinking is misguided. Knowledge should be sought for the sake of wisdom, and wisdom for the sake of love. Below are my personal guiding principles regarding education in general, and specifically my time at Princeton Theological Seminary.
· Christ is the only master, and true teacher.
· Truth is 3-D. It involves the whole person, mind, body, and spirit, in relationship with others.
· Study is a component of my spiritual pilgrimage and should serve to enliven and improve the journey.
· One main way I show my love to God is by living a balanced life. I will not let the demands of seminary dictate my schedule. Instead, I will incorporate my studies into my Rule of Life, accepting the academic consequences as a result of my life choices. I am ultimately responsible to God, not my professors, for how I manage my time.
· Learning is a way of loving. I will not pursue knowledge for my own self-promotion. This education is a way of exploring truth, growing in loving relationship with God, becoming more aware of the universe and myself, and equipping me to more fully share God’s love with others in life and ministry.
· I will approach this education with a humble posture before God, acknowledging my limitations and faults.
· I will seek to be transformed by the Scriptures, submitting myself to the Spirit’s calling through them, instead of judging and attempting to master them.
· It is not my responsibility to “prove” anything to anyone. I am not going to plumb the depths of rational doubt and alternate views in order to try to win an argument or convince someone of God’s love. It is the Spirit who draws people to Himself, convicts people of their sins, and ultimately leads them toward the fullness of love. My education is to help me better partner with God in His work, not to be equipped to do it myself.
· I will trust that God will protect my life during this seminary journey, that I will not be destroyed spiritually or die of thirst. During the first half of seminary, I have been influenced in such a negative way, and my spirit has been darkening, and I have drifted from God’s will. I will move forward in courage, relying on God’s care for my soul. My attitude will be trust and obedience, not fear and hiding.

Elaboration Of My Personal Rule During Seminary.

Prayer for Seminarian.

God,

You led the Israelites through the desert for forty years in order to teach them. They feared that they would dry out and die in the barren sand. They feared that they were lost forever. But you provided water for them from unlikely places, and gave them food one day at a time so that they could learn to draw close to and trust in you. After their time in the desert was complete, you led them into an abundant land and established them as a hopeful nation that was set apart by their relationship with you, the Living God.

You also led Jesus into the wilderness for forty days to be tempted. He was hungry, but he knew that his life consisted of more than his material existence. He resisted the temptation of taking his life into his own hands and relied on you to sustain him. He rejected the lure of power, fame, and control in order that he might worship you with a true heart. And when he showed himself faithful through these temptations, you sent your angels to take care of him. Then you led him out of the wilderness and into the community to begin a beautiful and painful ministry to those whom you love.

You have also led me into the wilderness for three years. I longed for retreat into the forest or the field, but by your Spirit I have been led to a different kind of desolation. This is a desert of people and ideas, where my spirit is ever parched and longing, even fading into the blackened unconsciousness of apathy. I fear that I cannot sustain my faith in you, and that I will lose heart. I fear that in my learning of information, I will forget myself, and thus be truly lost forever. I fear that I will be conformed to an image very unlike your son Jesus, and that I will submit to the demons of control and power. I fear that you will leave me to wander for too long, that you will forget about me here in the drifting sand, that I will fade back into the dust from whence I came, and the sun will disappear in the cold desert night.

But you will never leave me. You will not forget my name, where I’ve been, where I’m going.
You are ever beside me, often a silent traveling companion, more patient than I. You whisper me out of the cave of fear and hiding and onto the mountaintop to be seen once again. Just as you provided food day by day for the Israelites, so you will feed me from your own hand. Just as the Scriptures strengthened Jesus in his time of testing, so will you give me guidance in the wasteland. Just as you did not let your dearly loved son decay in the desert, you will lead me out of dry land and into green pastures, restoring my soul, and guiding me into a ministry of love to those you love. I will believe in the promises you spoke to me when your voice was clear, and I will hold them when no sound can be heard. I will keep walking. I do not know where we are going, but I know whom it is I’m following.

Amen.

Request for Accountability.

Angela—this special request goes well beyond the expectations of the course, but I am going to ask anyway. Would you be willing to hold me accountable to all that I’ve written in this section by emailing me once in the middle of each semester until I graduate in May 2010? (That’s only three semesters). I am asking that you ask me if I’ve been following God while in seminary in the way I’ve written here, and if not, why not. I have spiritual accountability with friends, but I can’t think of anyone else that would quite fill the role of you doing this as a way of reminding me once a semester. What do you think?

My Rule for Ministry

Christian Ministry is divine resources meeting human needs through loving human
channels.

Perspective on Ministry.

God is the initiator of love and redemption. It is God who works and ultimately accomplishes His goals for humanity. However, God does not work alone. He calls all those who believe in Him to work with Him to love and care for the needs of all creation. God also calls some people to work in specialized ministry vocations. Regardless of what kind of work we do in ministry, it is critical to remember that we are ultimately accountable to God. This means that we cannot simply scrape by if we’re meeting the minimum requirements of a job description. God looks at our hearts and intentions. It also means that we do not have to perform for others, and meet unreasonable demands on our time and energy. God is in charge of the results. Our first duty is to live in and model a healthy relationship with God, and also to take the proper care of our own selves, and our families. Ministry that destroys the minister is not healthy for anyone and will not last long. We can only find rest in balanced living if we truly believe that Jesus is the Savior and Healer, not us. It is not our efforts alone that ultimately change people’s lives. We can do our best, and leave the rest to rest in God while we rest. Over-working and worrying over excessive responsibilities shows a lack of trust in God’s overall care for others and us. By living out a healthy and balanced life, we are also teaching our congregations to do the same. Our lives speak louder than our sermons.

Elaboration on My Personal Rule During Ministry.

Discerning a Good Church Match For Me.

Interview Discussion Questions.

1. My personal ministry mission statement is to help cultivate relationships between people and God. All of my work is toward this end. How do you think this attitude would fit in with your church’s expectations of my role?
2. In addition to the five traditional purposes of the Church (which could be expressed as worship, fellowship, service, teaching/ learning, outreach/mission), I have a vision for this church to grow in spiritual formation through intentional relationships. This means cultivating small clusters of people who meet regularly for such things as spiritual disciplines, sharing, prayer, fun, study, and encouragement. In short, the underlying pulse of the church should be spiritual transformation through love. How would the church respond to my emphasis on deepening our journey together in this spiritual pilgrimage?
3. I have a personal interest and desire to present the Gospel in a way relevant to post-modern culture, the unreligious, and to make it practical, understandable, and realistic. This may mean gradual innovations in worship, hospitality, and formation groups. (Examples: including dance, drama, poetry, painting, or non-churchy music in worship; starting a group for those skeptical of Christianity). How do you think the church would respond to this direction in my leadership?
4. I believe it is God’s will for each of us to live healthy and balanced lives as much as possible. One of my primary goals as a leader would be to model a vibrant and healthy relationship with God, my family, and my community. Healthy relationships include realistic expectations and proper boundaries. Some of my boundaries in ministry include a 40-45 hour work week, regular intervals of solitude and retreat, personal devoted time with God, continuing education, a Sabbath day each week, and a sabbatical for three months every four years. While sacrifice, giving, interruptions, and flexibility are important ingredients ministry, I believe that these should be brought into a realistic balance, and that God is not pleased when the leadership or the congregation hyper-extend and overstress themselves, even for the things of the church. This leads to burnout. How do the church’s expectations of the job fit my own expectations? What things are similar and different?

Prayer for Minister.

Jesus,

Master craftsman of the forests and the seas, sculptor of the human form, composer of the music of the spheres, you could have spent eternity dancing through the solar systems or enjoying the harmony of life within the Triune God alone, but you took on size and shape, hands and feet. Your toes touched dirt and water, your body arose in the morning and lied down in the evening. Face met real face, human need met God’s grace. You listened, hurt, wept, and sang with those people. And sometimes you hid away, prayed alone, whispered secrets to Him that we’ll never know. Your beard was at one moment brushed by the wind on the mountain’s peak, another moment it was ripped out by your enemies. Your hands lifted up wide-eyed children one day, and were nailed to wood the next. Your heart pounded hard when you saw the moment that truth started to grow in the hearts of your friends, and then it exploded when they all grew hard to the truth. You prayed beneath a quiet tree, then dangled from one. Lord of life, you chose to eat and drink, live and die among the rest of us, the least of us, the average Joe, the nobody special. You met each day with the shining hope of life redeemed. You looked them in the eye, touched them in the heart. You did not get carried away, or distracted, or washed out, our self-absorbed, or jaded. That’s because of your Father’s love.

Jesus, I am at your heels, timidly following your call to walk where you walked, touch how you touched, laugh like you laughed, trust how you trusted, and listen for your Father’s voice. When I get proud, please wash my feet Lord. When I lose my way, light a candle ahead of me. When I wander aimlessly, sing me home to open arms. When I sink in unbelief, grab my hand and pull me up. When I feel like giving up, give me strength for one more step. When I utterly fail you, restore me like a rock. When I am hated, bless those who hate me. When I am tired, strap me to your yoke. When the time has come to say goodbye, give me courage for the cross. And when my next step is death, hold my hand until the next step after that. By your grace alone I will be faithful to your calling, love your people, carry a pure and light heart, and hear your cheering in the distance right before we meet face to face.

Amen.

Bibliography.

Wuthnow, Robert. After Heaven: Spirituality in America since the 1950’s.
Berkeley: University of California Press, 1998.

Willard, Dallas. Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ.
Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2002.

Guenther, Margaret. At Home in the World: A Rule of Life for the Rest of Us. New York: Seabury Books, 2006.

Thompson, Marjorie J. Soul Feast: An Invitation to the Christian Spiritual Life. Tenth Anniversary ed. Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2005.

Benner, David G. Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship & Direction. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2002.

Palmer, Parker J. To Know as We Are Known: Education as a Spiritual Journey. 1st HarperCollins ed. San Francisco: Harper, 1993.

Oswald, Roy M. Clergy Self-Care: Finding a Balance for Effective Ministry. Washington, DC: Alban Institute, 1991.

Notes.

Darwin and the Theodicy Hook

2009-08-20T15:32:00.001-07:00

Darwin and the Hook of Theodicy
Exploring the Arguments of Reason and Faith

Jarod Osborne
December 9, 2008

INTRODUCTION AND GROUNDWORK.

Darwin did not hang God on the theodicy hook and leave God for dead. Neither did he get God off the hook. The core problem of evil pre-existed evolutionary science, and transcends it. While Darwin’s discoveries have helped to articulate much of the details surrounding the problem, no rational or scientific solution adequately solves it, either for or against God. This paper will explore the troubling questions that evolutionary science has raised for theology, especially focusing on the origins of the presence of evil in nature. Then it will broadly outline two basic approaches in dealing with these questions. Finally, an option will be presented that cultivates a faith for daily living amidst the dialogue of theology and science.
The presuppositions of this paper include:
1. Theism is granted as a possibility. This work admittedly moves from a Christian worldview into the realm of science and it’s possible implications, rather than the opposite. There will be no case made here as an apology of the Christian faith to a scientific audience.
2. Evolutionary science is assumed as the dominant and most convincing framework with which to study the biological world empirically. No arguments will be made addressing the scientific debate between evolutionists and perspectives such as creation science or intelligent design. These issues, while relevant to many in the science-theology discussion, are beyond the scope and intent of this paper. However, interpretations of Genesis will be addressed in light of evolutionary science.
3. An informed understanding of evolution and theology are of critical importance. In addition, this paper seeks to move beyond only an intellectual handling of the issues, and to offer some brief implications and applications of the subjects discussed to the ordinary life of the Christian reader.
The theodicy problem, briefly stated, is this: “Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is impotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Whence then evil?”
The central Christian doctrines of importance here are as follows:
1. Creation: God created the world.
2. Providence: God loves creation and desires its ultimate goodness.
3. Trinity: There is only one God, in three persons. (No other competing gods).
4. Omnipotence: God is all-powerful.

EVOLUTIONARY INFORMATION AND QUESTIONS RAISED.

Charles Darwin’s scientific revolution was based on two principles:
1. All that exists and has existed in the biological world evolved from very few, or one single common ancestor.
2. The method by which these organisms evolved was natural selection.
Instead of each species being created by God with unique functions and characteristics, as the famous scientist and theologian William Paley expounded in his nineteenth century work entitled Natural Theology, Darwin said that animals changed and adapted in relationship to their environment over long periods of time. Genetic variations gave some individuals survival advantages over others. The ones that were the most fit to survive were the more likely to reproduce, thus passing their useful genes on to future generations. “This preservation of favourable variations and the rejection of injurious variations, I call Natural Selection.” Individual advantages are set in the context of competition, which means the fastest lion gets the antelope, and thus has a better chance of survival. Likewise, the fastest antelope escapes and probably survives to reproduce. In a natural world driven by the need to survive, one animal’s living may necessitate another’s dying. Before considering human issues, the suffering, death, and extinction of animals in nature raises the first main problem: Why would God create a world that predicates survival on violence and struggle? If God also cares for animals, what is to be said for each individual creature that suffers unhelpful pain and premature death?
When modern humans made their entrance onto the evolutionary stage, some 100,000 years ago or more, a new level of theological tension has arisen. If God intended humans to exist, why use such a long, indirect, bloody process? Does the end goal of bringing about a self-conscious, freethinking moral agent such as humanity justify so long a history of creaturely suffering and violence? Additionally, the question of moral culpability emerges. Can humans be expected to behave in another manner besides following their natural instincts toward survival? If nature is populated with creatures, human and non-human, who are primarily self-interested, is this the only way it can be? Is this the way it should be? Is this the way it always will be? Philip Kitcher sharpens these two issues.
When you consider the millions of years in which sentient creatures have suffered, the uncounted number of extended and agonizing deaths, it simply rings hollow to suppose that all this is needed so that, at the very tail end of history, our species can manifest the allegedly transcendent good of free and virtuous action…. Divine justice requires that the animals who suffer are compensated, that the suffering isn’t simply instrumental to the wonders of creation but redeemed for them.

RATIONAL OPTIONS FOR THEOLOGY.

Humans have wrestled with the question of evil and God’s responsibility for it for thousands of years. While evolution elucidates the tensions between the Christian doctrine and the presence of evil, it did not begin or end the argument. Theologians committed to maintaining both the doctrines of God listed above, and the evolutionary evidence, can be classified into two categories regarding their approach to the problem of evil. The first explains the problem focusing on individual choice (freewill), the second in terms of God’s predetermined method (only way).
Among the first camp, the doctrine of “The Fall” is central. Reading Genesis 1-3, this interpretation views God’s original creation as good. Human disobedience and its consequences introduced death and suffering into the reality of human experience. God did not wish for these realities to exist, but their possibility was a necessary result of creating human beings who had the genuine ability to choose for themselves. Paul in Romans 5 uses this kind of logic. It is also foundational for much of historical Western theology following the work of Augustine.
(God) was pleased to derive all men from one individual, and created man with such a nature that the members of the race should not have died, had not the two first (of whom the one was created out of nothing, and the other created out of him) merited this by their disobedience.
The strength of such an argument is that it frames the problem of evil in the light of God’s good intention to create a humanity that possessed freewill, with its apparent risks and benefits. The responsibility for sin and death rests on human shoulders. Modern theologians who are among the advocates of freewill include Arthur Peacocke and Denis Edwards. Peacocke argues that human freedom was a divine goal in the evolutionary process, and that “God had some overarching intention which made the risk worth taking.” Edwards emphasizes God’s self-limitation in creation, allowing for human decision-making power, along with the possibility for nature to be governed by randomness and chance. “…The divine act of creation can be understood as an act of love, by which the Trinitarian Persons freely make space for creation and freely accept the limits of the process.” For Edwards, God has not abandoned the creation to randomness alone, but remains close to creation in co-suffering and redemption.
The weaknesses of this camp, taking into account its diverse members, include the following. First, any account of creation that pins all natural death and violence on human disobedience is avoiding the evolutionary timeline. Bloody competition and death, even extinction, existed for millions of years before humans, and served as a main component of the agency (natural selection) that brought about the evolution of humanity. Second, while in this view it appears that humans were responsible for birthing evil into the world, this only pushes the theodicy problem back one step. God is still responsible for knowingly creating a world with at least the possibility of human rebellion that would lead to death. Augustine anticipated this objection. “God was not ignorant that man would sin, and that, being himself made subject now to death, he would propagate men doomed to die… But God foresaw also that by His grace a people would be called to adoption….” The question remains: was it worth it? Third, an objection may be raised about the scientific evidence regarding the theological claims as made by theistic evolutionists. In what way is God’s intention or providence visible in the material universe? Kenneth Miller represents one approach to problem. He suggests that material explanations are enough to explain material phenomena, but that the spiritual world transcends the material, and that is the realm of the God. “God’s means are beyond our ability to fathom, and just because events seem to have ordinary causes, or seem to be the result of chance, does not mean that they are not part of that divine plan… God, if He exists, surpasses our ordinary understanding of chance and causality.” The next two paragraphs address additional problems regarding the options in the freewill camp.
First, attempts in this camp that place the blame of the rebellion and subsequent death on fallen angels are left with the same conundrum as those who maintain a literal fall. God is still responsible for creating angels with the capacity to rebel, and lead humans into a rebellion. While this kind of theory cannot be brought into the realm of scientific investigation, it should not necessarily be dismissed on grounds of contradiction. This is precisely the hook from which free-will proponents cannot remove God—that God created the world with the potential of sin and death, therefore God is ultimately responsible. Maintaining this tension, however, is the preferential option of faith for people like Edwards. On a similarly related note, this is the same problem that Ayala faces when he argues that natural selection is “theology’s disguised friend” because it allows Christians to view natural evil, such as floods and diseases, as results of natural selection instead of evils from God’s hand. However, this too only pushes the problem back one step. God created natural selection, and knew that this would (or could) happen. This concept, in context of the “only way” argument, and coupled with a strong eschatology, is perhaps a stronger offering.
Secondly, another interpretation of the Genesis creation story is possible that avoids the chronological fall crisis, and upholds the responsibility of humans for disobedience and its consequences. If the rebellion of Genesis 3 is interpreted metaphorically in the life of each individual, life stages could be appropriated that parallel the narrative. Infancy is the paradise where all needs are met, where there is no sense of shame or guilt or nakedness. Then, as knowledge of good and evil is developed within the growing child, disobedience becomes significant. The disobedience is most immediately enacted with human parents, but also parallels the spiritual rebellion directed toward God. In the life of the individual, there are obvious negative consequences for disobedience to parents and God, and for leaving the path of right living, which may cause harm to one’s self. Aside from its applicable merits, a critical examination of this position shows that it does not account for creaturely suffering, and it does not provide in itself an explanation for the reason and origin of the willful disobedience of humans.
The second broad approach to answer the theodicy problem is claiming that evolution by natural selection was the only way that God could have created such a world, bringing forth the kind of creatures that now exist. This argument is a dance with determinism. Instead of the freewill defense, which states that God is necessarily limited by the space for creaturely freedom, the “only way” argument limits God in regards to scientific laws. “Nothing can happen in chemistry or biology or psychology that the prior laws of physics have not made possible.” This argument relies on quantum mechanics, and the principle that even the slightest change of any given factor could result in an entirely different whole product. In other words, the universe is a package deal. Suffering, death, and extinction are necessary elements of an evolutionary process, which is the only way to yield the kind of creatures that God intended. “Processes intrinsic to evolution give rise to harms, but are also instrumental in enhancing values.” Paul speaks in these kinds of terms in Romans 8:19-21. “For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God; for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.”
This camp relies heavily on a vision of eschatological redemption that takes into account all creaturely suffering and essentially justifies God’s methods by the hope of “glory” that Paul discusses. The explanations of how God actually redeems creation differ among theologians. Some explanations deal only in human salvation, while others include all sentient life. Calvin is the historical anchor for a reformed perspective on deterministic salvation. In his view, some people are saved and some are damned. Because this is God’s will, it makes it good. Barth extends God’s redemption to include the possibility of a divinely determined universal salvation. Southgate’s eschatological vision includes humans and non-human creatures, with special attention given to the suffering of individual animals and the extinction of species. Possible eschatological motifs may include each individual, or biological types. It may involve the life that was lost in the organic world being remembered eternally in the mind of God. It may involve a future physical reality for all created life to exist in a heavenly realm free of violence and decay.
Some questions arise. Is it appropriate to restrict God’s actions by scientific principles? Did not God create these laws after all? Peacocke responds.
Was that the only possible way? This is one of those unanswerable metaphysical questions in theodicy to which our only response has to be based on our understanding of the biological parameters…discerned by science to be operating in evolution. These indicate that there are inherent constraints on how even an omnipotent Creator could bring about the existence of a law-like creation that is to be a cosmos not a chaos, and thus an arena for free action of self-consciousness….
The answer is ultimately beyond the scope of human knowledge. Southgate suggests that this is the place to trust that a loving God would create the best universe given all the available possibilities. Another objection may be raised. If God is going to eventually bring creatures into a heavenly existence, why did God not just create heaven first instead of earth? Following the premise that the current form of the universe was God’s best option, Southgate offers a response to the issue.
Since this was the world the God of all creativity and all compassion chose for the creation of creatures, we must presume that this was the only type of world that would do for that process. In other words, our guess must be that though heaven can eternally preserve those selves, subsisting in suffering-free relationship, it could not give rise to them in the first place.

RECAPITULATION AND OPTIONS OF FAITH FOR EVERYDAY LIVING.

If one approaches the theodicy issue looking for a reason to be mad at God, she will find it. The problem has been rationally expounded in a variety of compelling ways, and is replayed in the life of every mother whose infant died of an illness, every spouse that was killed in a car accident, every innocent victim that fell into murderous hands. The reality of evil affects humans at more than just the intellectual level. Likewise, the response to such a reality must involve more than semantic untanglings. As Southgate states,
All theodicies that engage with real situations rather than philosophical abstractions, and endeavor to give an account of the God of the Christian Scriptures, arise out of protest and end in mystery. Theodicies never ‘work,’ in the sense of solving the problem of suffering in the world. But if a theodicy enables others to be challenged and fascinated by the questions they raise, and if it stirs those others to greater compassion for creaturely pain, to deeper prayer, and to partnering, in however small a way, the loving and merciful purposes of God, then it has done all that can be hoped of it.
The study of science and theology must be coupled with a personal ingredient of faith. The dialogues illuminate where exactly the problems rest, and what is at stake in the various responses to them. For those who espouse a doctrine whereby The Fall introduces suffering and death into the world, immediate and unavoidable tensions arise with contemporary science. Any other attempt to place the blame of evil solely on humans (or other created beings) is masking the fundamental question of God’s responsibility for creating such beings with such possibilities. Approaches that see God as deliberately creating the world, as violent as it is, risk depicting God as a cruel pragmatist, justifying millions of years of excessive suffering and death to get to some cosmic goal.
Given the problem of evil, and its explanatory framework of evolution, the individual may take four basic views of God, each one having its own consequential actions and affects on living. The first is atheism. Instead of trying to make a defense for God and religious doctrines, one could choose to believe that no God exists. Richard Dawkins, a leading voice for atheism in the dialogue between science and religion, states, “The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, and no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.” A possible result of living without a supernatural force is a loss of purpose. For many, if God does not exist, there is no basis for meaning, value, morality, or future hope beyond death. This could easily lead to despair. If one does find purpose and promise in an atheistic worldview, she may avert the cliff of despair, but then must face the agony of a world unredeemed. Even if there exists hope for one’s own existence, or even the future of humanity, what can be said of the 3.5 billion year history of life on planet earth, during which “over 98 percent of all species ever to have evolved are now extinct.”
A second option is agnosticism. This is living in a continuous state of “I don’t know.” While this perspective may face some of the same challenges with regard to purpose and morality as atheists, it also offers an open window of hope for all times and creatures. Perhaps there is a deity who will make all things well in the end. Perhaps not.
A third response to the problem of evil is to conclude that there is an evil deity controlling the universe. This is a deity to be contended against. An alternate form of this perspective is dualism, where good and evil are pitted in a cosmic battle, the outcome is yet undetermined. Such a perspective leaves one without a God worthy of loving, without a secure hope for the future, and in a spiritual state of antagonism toward an antagonistic God.
A fourth possibility is to deem the problem of evil at its core a mystery, and invest belief into a good deity. This is a God to be embraced. As the doctrines of Christianity stated in the introduction, this view sees God as loving all creation and moving it toward a cosmic redemption. The results of living a life of faith in this God are comfort amid suffering, purpose in partnering with God to work toward the betterment of creation, and hope in a future existence that is devoid of the theodicy problem.
The Old Testament character Job offers as model of responding to God in the midst of suffering. God challenges Job’s authority and knowledge by saying, “Can you draw out Leviathan with a fish-hook, or press down its tongue with a cord? Can you put a rope in its nose or pierce its jaw with a hook?” In other words, God told Job that if he cannot manage to “hook” this mighty sea creature, how could he hook God? “Where were you,” God asks Job, “when I laid the foundation of the earth… when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy?” Job realized his the limits of his knowledge, and admitted that he was acting wrongly by challenging God’s authority. “I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I do not know.” While the book of Job does not offer any explanation as to why suffering exists in the world, it does lift up a model of a man who responded to life’s challenges with faith and humility before God. The result was that Job received immense blessing from God, in this case represented by the restoration of family, friends, and fortune.
Another interesting aspect of the Job’s narrative is Job’s personal encounter with God. An encounter with the divine that touches the heart may never be verifiable by science, but can arguably be granted validity on its own right. While theodicies deal with concepts, God’s immanence can be present to humans in ways that do not fit neatly within empirical categories. This kind of thinking may be licensure for psychotic behavior if overstated; yet many individuals claim to have experienced God in personal ways. Job says, “I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you.” Richard Fenn also supports one’s unique experience of God by describing the sacred as local, particular, fleeting, accessible, and practical.

CONCLUSION.

Christians have received Charles Darwin’s foundational work, On the Origin of Species, in many ways, ranging from total rejection to celebrated espousal. Darwin and the evolutionary science that followed him have raised and redefined important issues for theologians, especially in regards to theodicy. However, all of the basic ingredients of the debate existed before Darwin. Nothing genuinely new has been added, or resolved, in the science-religion dialogue. The advanced study of the universe, the careful and prayerful cultivation of theological insights, and the conversation between the two is a helpful formative process for all those interested in knowledge of the world and connection to its creator. As rational arguments do not solve the problem of evil, faith remains a non-expendable element if the journey of life is to possess hope, love, and redemption. The lives of humanity, and even all created beings, can too often be accurately described as “nasty, brutish, short.” Yet, to borrow from Genesis, creation is also “good,” and even “very good.” It is good for all the moments of joy experienced by creatures. It is good for the warmth of a caring creator. It is good for the hope and eventual redemption that will transform creation into a new creation. To give up on God is an ironic narrative suicide, stopping the story in mid-conflict before reaching the resolution. In closing, I am willing to live with the tensions of theodicy; I am not willing to live without a God who loves me and who loves all of creation.

Bibliography.

New Interpreter’s Study Bible (NISB), New Revised Standard Version. Nashville: Abingdon
Press. 2003.

Darwin, Charles. On the Origin of Species. Cambridge: Harvard University Press. 1995. (First
edition printed in 1859.)

Darwin, Charles. The Descent of Man and Selection in Relation to Sex. Princeton: Princeton
University Press. 1981. (First edition printed in 1871.)

Southgate, Christopher. The Groaning of Creation. London: Westminster John Knox Press.
2008.

Peters, Ted and Martinez Hewlett. Evolution from Creation to New Creation. Nashville:
Abingdon. 2003.

Ayala, Francisco J. Darwin’s Gift to Science and Religion. Washington D.C.: Joseph Henry
Press. 2007.

Kitcher, Philip. Living with Darwin: Evolution, Design, and the Future of Faith. Oxford:
University Press. 2007.

Schwager, Raymund. Banished from Eden: Original Sin and Evolutionary Theory in the Drama
of Salvation. Herefordshire: Gracewing. 2006.

Ruse, Michael. Can a Darwinian be a Christian? The Relationship between Science and
Religion. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. 2001.

Levine, George. Darwin Loves You: Natural Selection and the Re-Enchantment of the World.
Princeton: Princeton University Press. 2006.

Edwards, Denis. The God of Evolution: A Trinitarian Theology. New York: Paulist Press. 1999.

McGrath, Alister. Christian Theology, An Introduction. 2nd Edition. Oxford: Blackwell
Publishers. 1997.

Augustine. The City of God. Translated by Marcus Dods. New York: Random House. 1950.

Janzen, Gerald J. Job. Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching.
Atlanta: John Knox Press. 1971.

Anders, Max and Steven J. Lawson. Job: Holman Old Testament Commentary. Nashville:
Broadman & Holman Publishers. 2004.

Kelly, Henry Ansgar. Satan: A Biography. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. 2006.

Journey of Hope

2009-08-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Journey of Hope
A Poetic Exposition of the Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed

Introduction.

“(Post-modern church leaders) reflect in metaphor, image, and song. They express meaning by drawing pictures, telling stories, or creating musical harmonies. In doing so, they resemble artists more than philosophers… (They) have adjusted the cadence of their daily walk to the rhythm of the ‘song in the heart.’ That is the Scriptural vision which has seized the congregation… vision is like a compass setting for explorers in the wilderness.”

The following poem (with notes) is an explication of the Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed, kind of. I have chosen to write this paper using poetic imagery for several reasons:
1. At the heart of this project is a desire for growth. Instead of re-stating what my former denominations (most recently United Methodist and Wesleyan) have said, I realize that I am moving toward the emerging church both practically and eventually in ministry after seminary. I have utilized this project to expand my reading of postmodern Christian movements, grapple with the relevant theological issues, and express the creed in a way that is genuine to my personal development and hopefully reflective of a solid theological foundation.
2. I have taken a narrative approach because I believe in story, as I think God does. Christianity happens in the context of personal stories that become corporate stories. Even the ultimate revelation of God was not in propositional statements, but in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus also taught most often in parables, forms of stories.
3. Poetic language is precise, in that when done effectively, it offers the deepest meaning with fewest words. It is also incredibly imprecise, leaving open many doors of interpretation and exploration. This is my intention. The creed is probably the closest thing to a core that all Christians can espouse, and I have embraced it wholeheartedly. In fact, the structure of the creed provides the backbone to the entire narrative. However, I have left many issues “unteased out” because I don’t see addressing them as functional for the purpose of this narrative. Ultimately, this is not a science. I would rather invite conversation, ideas, and rebukes. One of my theological presuppositions is that God is both knowable and mysterious. I have no hope of untangling every tension in theology, or finding a systematic theology that doesn’t have its rational dilemmas. I readily admit the ones I have in my own perspective (which I try to address in the final endnote). “Emerging leaders do not want a closed theological system all neatly tied together by reason and logic... Theology is more like a mysterious adventure than a mathematical principle.”
4. The purpose of this assignment is to explicate the creed from a personal perspective, showing an informed understanding of systematic theology and a particular tradition’s confession. I have attempted this, and included a greater purpose in this writing, which I consider to be one of the central purposes of the Gospel. It is missional. It is written especially to a postmodern, religiously skeptical audience. Its purpose is not apologetic in nature. Instead it’s to tell the story, the good news, and to invite, beckon, call the reader into participation into the living and moving story of God. The creed is not dead or static. The last section has not ended, but involves the Church today.
5. From my understanding, the emerging church movement is notoriously liquid. It’s hard to get a handle on, describe, define, or defend. The fluidity of structure and lack of systemization is characteristic of the postmodern reaction against modernity. “Trying to define a postmodern evangelical is a fool’s errand.” This work intentionally reflects this lack of structure.
“5. Style: the extent to which the exposition as a whole observes the basic rules of standard English grammar, spelling, punctuation and style, and consistently follows some uniform scheme of design and procedure.” (from the “Evaluation Rubric” of this task.) My hermeneutical approach has failed this expectation in every way. This is instead an experiment in doing theological expression in a postmodern way. I am writing under a different set of rules. I am not denigrating (what I see to be) the value of science-style, rational, deductive systematic theology. It quickly highlights incongruities and assumptions. But it is not enough for me.

NOTE TO THE READER: To get the most out of this poem, I suggest you approach it in the following way:

First—read the poem out loud, ignoring the endnotes.
Second—read the poem, stopping to read the endnotes along the way.
Third—respond.
Thanks.

“We need ‘theology-practice,’ where theology is not understood as the ivory tower activity of the elite and lived faith is not left to uninformed dilettantes.” (This is my written attempt to point toward both.)

Poem.

The flesh and the bone are in motion,
and I am torn at the sinews,
like one hanging and spread by poles, stretched,
and basking and balking in the freedom of the light that comes when clouds break.

whose hands grasp the pen?
and who loaded the ink?
what color
what language,
what day is this?
the bearded and grizzly writes with calloused hands,
the blazer of trails
remembering the home from whence all journeys began.

my heart has long whistled walt’s trail song,
that each log is my respite for the hour,
that each man my friend if blades are sheathed,
that moccasins carry me toward a far treeshade…
At night the firelight burns in my eyes,
warm passing the plates,
table laughs,
tear the bread,
dip together,
sleep surrounded by familiar snores.

The family man who daydreams of mountains.
The mountainman daydreaming of love.

the story they told us,
the story we tell ourselves,
and one day tell them

a story you tell at night and then fall into deep comfort

the story you tell in the morning to get the blood pumping

a story you tell in battle, when blood is spilling

a story you tell to remember

a story you tell to forget

i cannot betray the story—though i cannot tell it right.

i must tell it—the strength in my legs and the wind at my back

---

all that was to be gasped in expectation(—he—inhale)

and when he breathed the breath, dreams came true
as a joyous orgasm that found one seed planted in fertile soil
or the shocking crescendo at the start of the symphony,

what was not now was.

The breath took on a life of it’s own,
but still carried the scent of the breather.

Forms and men woke up from the dust and found their posture, like lead actors making their first appearance on the stage. They shined in the light of their sun, and fumed in the shadows of their hearts.

the whole world was stirring chewing racing
copulating

ants in their lines
and vultures in circles,

wolves in concert isolating the weakest from the herd

invisible invaders riding on the wings of caterpillars

...crushes the doe at the back of the neck
dismembers her.

all was not fear songs were still sung

the gardener has not run away. he remembers.

The feetprints of those first pilgrims wander atop dirt and rock, washed in the salty stinging seas, searching for life.

they found instead a hunger, an abyss inside themselves
gnawing and drawing them to join the beasts in their twilight hunting

their feasts were counterproductive
they fed on the corroding flesh of the dead,
yet found no life but stood at shoulder next to the edge of the cliff, restless for the day they would lose footing, or be shoved and hastened to their fall. day-sleepers and night-eaters.

a world at war, but he remembers.

born as draftees of a foreign war

we are embarked.
born onto the slope, sliding into darkness with poor footing and weak legs.
born half-heartedly conscious of the joy we betrayed, the tears we drew like drops of blood
eyes that looked outward but not to help, to feed.
born bare naked and unashamed, and we grew into shame

we weave relentlessly and can never cover ourselves.
slipping down to the darkness loving the secrets it cherishes
and hating ourselves for it.

the war, if mistaken, turns boys into soldiers and husbands into riflemen. Then we try to overcome the violence by lending it a hand. this is the battle not of parties or persons, but for persons and to waylay anyone is loss.

how many have awoken before their demise?
how many have missed the love that has always and ever pursued them,
even into the depths of the darkness?
How many have sought for their name
and killed for it
and then found Despair at the gates of the nothingness to welcome them?

WHY? screams our fears, and our hatred, and our impotence. And evil eyes are cast back upon the thrower of the original seed. What an unsteady hand.
What an irresolute heart.

but

that hand makes broad throws and chooses not how the seed grows

it is the pruning hand the watering hand the propping hand the praying hand

yet to talk of growing things still we wander quietly to a new seed specially laid
a paradox planted in the planet of people, the one himself, planted by himself,
the uncreated among the created as the created

said most simply:

GODMAN

whatever despair was on their backs
came to rest on his own
the scrape on the knee after slipping and the biting of the tongue when you chew too fast
he knew these with the same knee, the same tongue, the same screams.

SO DON’T YOU SEE, THIS IS HOPE IN A STORY WHERE REAL PEOPLE MATTER AND REAL SOULS ARE ON THE BRINK!
this is the day of turning

a stranger in the darkness has given some light
has blazed a new path,
has dreamed of new possibilities
has shown us how to live, not the ways of the wolves,

(a coming home to your true love after all the firing is quieted).

And so brave is this godman,
so for us
that where we thought we were running away
our hiding caves in the darkness,
he went there too.

Dead-straight into our living nightmares. (swords sheathed)
the antelope into the den of the lions

We were the lions and the darkness.
We were the shouting crowd.
We were rooted in our indifference.
We were managing with our mangledness fine enough as it were.
We
we were terrified of him.

To be seen naked and wrong, God forgive us, we were afraid.
he was exposed in front of us—he was wronged. forgiv…
To be played the fool for a child’s hope, to have despair laugh in our faces all the more.
he was the child slain, he was not laughing at us.
To be too far out of reach, too far gone, too irreconcilable.
he reached out, grabbed all the hands that were open, struck by the fists of those that were not.

We the great disaster. beauty all shot to hell.
shouldn’t he be ripped to shreds, if he really wants to be one of us? shouldn’t he feel the sting? shouldn’t he be reprimanded for doing this to us, for allowing for knowing for waiting ?

this is too much.

maybe he was the lightning rod, but we were not the storm.
So he the godman too fell to the weight of the storm. was crushed. the darkness has captured us all, even the light himself. our slide to the grave might be a rut from which we cannot pull ourselves.

all humanity is perishing
or perished.

his body was dismembered, lifeless, corroding.

but the gardener re-members.

when the last vestiges of goodness were transforming into fantasy,
when winter had buried all signs of life,
when we seemed to be falling helplessly into the wide mouth of death,

he was alive.

A LIFE of proof that the light was unsnuffable
and hope was inextinguishable
and love was indomitable
and smiles were not a sedative, but an inbreaking of reality.
that nature’s paws could be washed clean,
that the hands of man could be redeemed,
that father and son who had been estranged
could sit down together at the table again.

the horrors of the psyche he was there
the writhing of the flesh he was there
the gutpunch of betrayal he was there
the stench of the dead he was there
the fires of hell he was there
the bottom of the cliff he was there
the suffering child he was there weeping, he was there dancing, he was there dreaming, he was there hand in hand, he was there smiling, he was there awake and full of wonder, he was there trusting, he was there serving, he was there whispering words like you are not alone and you do not have to fear the abyss you can come home you are not forgotten by the one who loves you always has always will the old wounds are dead now
leave the darkness and its dry bones behind you now you are day people now free people now

and so the story goes…these things are written down better than my telling. but the story is not over—it is a play in three acts, a symphony in three movements, a story in three chapters. we are still here, and the godman no longer walks among us, but works within us, and works with us, making beautiful the garden.

come to think, this is why I walk this journey—otherwise I’d wander in circles.

have you heard the call to arms? have you read the letters from home?

maybe this is the knife-edge of the story, where it won’t leave you alone because it dares summon you, dares ask you to come along

will you come?

to speak as of families, what I’m saying is come home. remember the womb that gave you life, clasp the hand that fed you, join your voice to the songs of the evening sung around the fire, sleep inside because the house is big enough for you, and eat the food that was made for you, carry not your possessions on your back but lay them down freely in the floor without fear of loss your shoulders are too bruised to continue
your wounds from the thorny wandering need attention, a mother’s care
your heart is cold as stone out there
you are far too alone out there
but not where the light is.
this means take a bath and come to the table
sharing meals and you can’t hide yourself because you are part of the family, a non-expendable family member, and you will be there, you will be given gifts of love, and you will want to learn to craft such gifts
to speak here is to be listened to, to die here is to die in good company
when death escorts you by the hand, your other hand is held too
you will rest among your family and find the ground soft

how strict is this family? strict. and free. there’s a rule of harmony.
how harsh? Father has the strongest hand, and with it he washes the children’s dirt away without harming the skin.

or to speak of journeys, as I am prone to do, won’t you walk with me and taste this adventure—for talk is not half as fun as walking. don’t stay where you were, rotting, falling asleep, clutching what you thought you could keep.
light travelers fare best on this path, steep and rocky sections, long nights and sometimes carrying my pack when I’m hobbling, and I’ll do yours when you can’t.
this road is long, see something new every day, meet all kinds of trekkers, and some sitters, and some sideline shitters, and pass the bones of former squatters
give it up, give away the bite to the gnawing tooth, your bite will come along soon
and you and I and all that follow and all that are out ahead—we are going somewhere.
each sunrise brings us closer to the light, brighter ourselves, and a few more on our distant heels
you are not strong enough, you think, to walk so long and hard?
no. neither you nor I nor the pioneers themselves could do this journey but for the wind that blows at our back, the fruit that falls from tree to hand, the moving beauty of the land. just start off and see somehow you’ll go on
somehow you’ll catch the scent of the great horizon beyond
somehow you’ll hear the songs on the air and you’ll want to walk faster
somehow the terrors of beast and burden, broken leg and heart will not end you
and even when the sleet and snow blow in your face,

wind at your back
wind at your back

and me, I carry a machete along on the journey
because sometimes, maybe it’s the boy in me who was always playing in the backwoods, but sometimes even though I’m going the same direction, I need to cut a new path through the wilderness…

Bibliography.

The New Interpreter’s Study Bible, NRSV. Nashville: Abingdon. 2003. (Other translations used in addition to NRSV)

McGrath, Alister. Christian Theology, An Introduction. Oxford: Blackwell Publishers. 1997.

Calvin, John. Institutes of the Christian Religion. Philadelphia: Presbyterian Board of Christian Education. 1909. Vol. 1,2.

The United Methodist Hymnal. Nashville: The United Methodist Publishing House. 1989.

The Wesleyan Church, Our Core Values and Beliefs. (viewed) November, 2008.

Southgate, Christopher. The Groaning of Creation. London: Westminster John Knox Press. 2008.

Kitcher, Philip. Living with Darwin. Oxford: Oxford University Press. 2007.

Webber, Robert, et al. Listening to the Beliefs of Emerging Churches. Grand Rapids: Zondervan. 2007.

Jones, Tony, et al. An Emergent Manifesto of Hope. Grand Rapids: Baker Books. 2007.

McLaren, Brian. A Generous Orthodoxy. Grand Rapids: Zondervan. 2004.

Penner, Myron, et al. A New Kind of Conversation: Blogging Toward a Postmodern Faith. Colorado Springs: Authentic. 2007.

Drury, John. “‘God’s Ever-present Hand.’ Calvin on Providence.” 2005.

Bandy, Thomas. Coaching Change. Nashville: Abingdon. 2000.

Gregory of Nyssa. The Great Catechism. Princeton Theological Seminary, Systematic Theology II Blackboard Site.

Augustine. The Trinity. Princeton Theological Seminary, Systematic Theology II Blackboard Site.

World Council of Churches. Baptism, Eucharist, Ministry. Princeton Theological Seminary, Systematic Theology II Blackboard Site.

Yates, Wilson. A Protestant View of Marriage. Princeton Theological Seminary, Systematic Theology II Blackboard Site.
Notes.
Bandy, p.83, 86. (For full bibliography, see above section “Bibliography”)
Webber, p.199
Penner, p.37
Jones, p.172.
I view the Nicene and Apostle’s Creeds as a skeletal framework, giving a basic form and shape to the Christian person. Culture, tradition, experience, and personality can add the flesh to the skeleton, and ultimately the living and active Church is the people in their diversity acting upon this creedal foundation. The creeds show “fossil evidence” to the observer, essentially defining what kind of species a Christian person is.
The tearing is both representative of my internal desires that are in conflict with God, and on another level if stands for held tensions within my own life. An example includes my strong individualistic tendency and the corporate necessity of the body of Christ. Another example is the strain of holding onto the wisdom of tradition but innovating ways of understanding and responding to contemporary culture.
The “polar” opposites, or balancing factors of theology and life, are here honored by making reference to Christ’s torn position on the cross. (Literally the Triune God’s justice and love put Christ there). Somehow being torn can result in wholeness.
Clouds reference the darkness that fell over the earth during the crucifixion (Matthew 27:45). The light of the resurrection brings an ultimate freedom to the Christian life, even though some theological tensions arise.
In terms of my personal story and reflection on the creed, I ask what factors are involved in my thoughts, and my life story. Unlike Calvin, who believes that God writes the story in a deterministic fashion, I believe that an individual’s decisions shape his or her life, especially in terms of listening to and responding to God. Other influential voices in my life history have been the traditions of the Evangelical Free Church, Free Methodist Church, Church of God, Wesleyan Church, and the United Methodist Church. Since I attended a Wesleyan university and am a member of a United Methodist Church, my background thoughts most likely reflect these streams. However, I am choosing not to write from that perspective because I am currently derailing myself from the ordination track in these churches and moving toward non-denominational congregations, with special interest in the emerging church movement.
Referencing my tendency, with its strengths and weaknesses, to view myself as a virtual “mountain man,” having one foot in society and one foot in the wilderness rejecting society.
Instead of viewing my mission as that of a priest (enacting rituals of the past for the people of the present), I see myself as a pioneer, taking the good news and love of Jesus to new places, cultures, mindsets, and people. While neither God nor the message nor the sacraments have changed, they are mobile and in pursuit of God’s children.
From Walt Whitman’s Song of Myself, section 46, especially: “I tramp a perpetual journey, (come listen all!) My signs are a rain-proof coat, good shoes, and a staff cut from the woods, No friend of mine takes his ease in my chair, I have no chair, no church, no philosophy, I lead no man to a dinner-table, library, exchange, But each man and each woman of you I lead upon a knoll, My left hand hooking you round the waist, My right hand pointing to landscapes of continents and the public road. Not I, not anyone else can travel that road for you, You must travel it for yourself.”
This friendly, non-dogmatic approach to conversation is characteristic of the emergent church movement. “Above all, we became convinced that living into the Kingdom meant doing it together, as friends. Thus, we committed ourselves to lives of reconciliation and friendship, no matter our theological or historical differences.” (www.emergentvillage.com/about/)
A reference to a Native American Chippewa poem, “Toward calm and shady places I am walking. Toward calm and shady places I am walking on the earth. Toward calm and shady places I am walking.” (www.jstor.org/stable/821510?seq=5)
These images are meant as familial memories, and symbolic imagery of the Church. Plates as tithe. Bread as Eucharist. Snores as annoying but endearing idiosyncrasies of the community to which you are bonded.
The Gospel, as passed down from the apostles, the New Testament writers, the Church, our ancestors, our parents, and eventually onto our children.
Reflective of my inner tension, admitting that I cannot understand or fully comprehend the Gospel or Christian theology, but also my commitment to it, and to proclaiming it.
This phrase borrowed from Rich Mullins in his song “Let Mercy Lead.”
From a traditional Irish blessing, “May the road rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back…”
Though I have chosen a male pronoun for God here, the boldface type is not to emphasize masculinity, but the specialness of God in relationship to the other words, which are not boldfaced.
Sexual language promoted here in contrast to Augustine’s negative view of sexuality, as seen in The Confessions. Also, the planting of “one seed” may be indicative of the evolutionary theory of common origins of all life on earth.
A symbolic description of the “Imago Dei,” following the line of Tertullian and Origen (and many subsequent theologians) who believed that humanity retained the image of God even after sinning. (McGrath, p.424) Even Calvin holds that “the Divine image was not utterly annihilated and effaced in him, yet it was so corrupted that whatever remains is but horrible deformity.” (Institutes, I, XV, IV) While various debates have risen regarding what the image of God actually is (reason, physical characteristics, morality), I agree with Calvin’s statement that “the proper seat of his image is in the soul.” (I, XV, III) By “soul” I mean the sense of self and personhood that can be in loving relationship with other persons, and has a perpetual existence beyond death and decay. This raises the issue of consciousness, and examples such as persons with mental disabilities. Even though their self-awareness is decreased, it does not diminish the existence of their souls and their importance in relationship to God as a member of humanity.
Genesis 2:7, “—then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life;”
The ichneumonidae is a parasitic wasp that lays its eggs inside a living caterpillar, which paralyzes the host and allows the eggs to hatch safely. “As the eggs hatch, and the larvae grow, they eat their way out of their host.” (Kitcher, 125) This example is frequently used by atheistic biologists to show how nature could not be the product of a loving God.
Gregory of Nyssa, in The Great Catechism, describes Satan as an envious angel: “Cunningly he cheats and deceives man by persuading him to own murderer and assassin.” (Sec. 6, under “The Nature of Evil and the Fall of Man.”) Also, Genesis 3:1, “Now the serpent was more crafty than any other wild animal that the Lord God had made.” The deceiver is represented here as an animal.
John 6:47-51, “Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life. I am the bread of life…”
Psalm 73:2, “But as for me my feet had almost slipped. I had nearly lost my foothold.”
By this point, the “fall” has several complex elements. It involves animal violence (which according to Genesis 6:13 was “corrupt in God’s sight”), natural harm, and human evil. I do not attribute all these evils to the sin of Adam, or humans. The creation narrative in Genesis notes rebellion before Eve and Adam sinned, namely the serpent. Following Gregory of Nyssa, I see evil not as a thing that exists, but a movement away from good, which is God. (This also corresponds with Paul Tillich’s ontological views of God’s being constantly overcoming non-being, and union with God means our rescue from the threat of nonbeing.) “Hence he has not subjected human nature to some forcible compulsion to do his will, dragging it unwillingly, like some lifeless object, toward the good.” (Catechism, sec. 7) The possibility for sin was a necessary consequence of human freedom. However, this still does not get God “off the hook” regarding evil. More in related notes below.
John 3:19, “…men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.”
Here I make a strong break with Calvin, who believes that “all events are governed by the secret counsel of God.” (Institutes, I, XVI, II) And, as John Drury comments on Calvin, “…although God indirectly wills these evil acts through his created instruments, he brings them to good ends and is therefore not responsible for evil.” (Drurywriting) Instead, I think in terms of God’s drawing persons toward himself, and evil drawing them away from God, toward death. God is not directly willing human evil, but he does hold us accountable for our decisions.
References to the Genesis creation story
Here I am affirming Ephesians 6:12, clarifying that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood,” but it is a spiritual conflict. We must not view people as the enemy. What truly destroys us is the darkness and the forces of darkness inside and outside of the individual. I do not mean to extend these statements to pacifism as a rule, because I do support some forms of violent action in some circumstances, when no other positive alternatives exist.
An expression of the theodicy problem, “If God is loving and powerful, then why does evil exist?”
Using the imagery from Matthew 13:1-23, “The Parable of the Sower.” Here the sower is described as throwing much of the seed in bad areas, resulting in violence done to the plant (birds eating the seed on the path, sun scorching the plant, weeds choking it out). The individual can cast “evil eyes” on God, blaming him for the problems of the world, or choose to have faith. Where exactly is faith placed, and to what ends? Much of historic Christian theology places the responsibility of sin and evil on human disobedience (Adam in the garden), which is a necessary option in order to have free choice as creatures (aligned with my background following Jacobus Arminius and John Wesley, that anyone can choose to reject God’s grace). While I agree that much of humanity’s problems are results of human sin, I want to further the discussion. I do not agree with a position that would attribute all of the world’s problems to be a result of “The Fall of Man.” This does not take into reasonable account natural evil, evolutionary chronology, or evidence in the creation narrative of Genesis (example including the serpent’s rebellion in the garden previous to Adam and Eve’s eating of the apple.) Some theologians (Barth) would say that the focus should be on true revelation of God in Jesus Christ, and his redemptive work on the cross and resurrection. While ultimately I agree with the point of this focus, I still want to insert the importance of “choice” as responsible for the problem, and view God as one working with and for us to redeem it. Calvin’s predestination and other views of God’s unconditional election (even if that election means universal salvation) are more deterministic than I am comfortable with. I instead put much of the burden on humanity for choosing against God’s ways. However, it seems clear that we are born with a “sinful nature,” that we cannot do the right even if we wanted to, and that by ourselves we could never please God. This locks humanity into a hopeless situation. Therefore God’s salvation of us through Christ is necessary, even just, because we had no real capability of obedience and self-justification. Still unresolved is the question of where the rebellion of spiritual beings (i.e. the serpent) came from, and God’s ultimate responsibility for creating a world with the potential of choice that would lead to rebellion that would lead to death and darkness. This is essentially where I would want to drive the problem into the corner, state it as such, and then explain it as a mystery to which I cannot find an adequate answer. Like the account of Job shows, when God finally revealed himself to Job, he gave no logical or consolable answer. Yet Job, experiencing God’s presence and having faith, did not curse God for his suffering. This is my response. And, also doing this kind of theodicy with the cross in view as the ultimate power to heal, restore, and give hope to humanity.
Speaking of Jesus Christ, something genuinely “new” in all of the world and history
specifically, “(he) was incarnate of the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary” (Nicene-Constantinopolitan Creed)
Here I am hinting at the Christological formulations of the creed, stating that Jesus is both fully human and fully divine, “of one essence with the Father….” This Christology has immediate implications for my soteriology in the work, which includes element’s of God’s co-suffering with humanity, Christ’s suffering on behalf of humanity, and Christ’s ultimate illumination of the dark places, paving a new path through his death and resurrection so that humanity is not bound to darkness, sin, and separation from God that draws them into the abyss, nothingness, horror that results from disconnection with God. But instead, Jesus was the first human to break through the shadow of death into a new light of resurrection and fullness, and also as God simultaneously ushered God’s presence into the midst of the suffering and loss that people experienced from their sin and separation. Continuing with the light and dark analogy, I am not suggesting that now God’s light is everywhere, and that there is no possibility of moving away from it. I still maintain that individuals can choose to drift into the darkness. Yet they are not bound to it. They have a drawing and gracious light toward which they can move and find life. Death, which is natural to the lifecycle of all creatures, is now nothing to be feared because Christ showed a way through death to a greater life. Abandonment and punishment are no longer to be feared because Jesus was the means by which we are forgiven and shown to be never alone, even after the grave. I do not have a firm position on the concept of universal salvation, or damnation. I maintain that human reaction to divine initiative is important. I also acknowledge that the Holy Spirit seems to have an unavoidable and particular role in calling and drawing people toward God, some perhaps more than others, at least according to what is outwardly visible. Perhaps Jesus’ salvation will ultimately apply to all people, whether they know it or not. I have hopes for this, though I am not convinced of it, especially in the practical sense that knowing this could seem like a license for free-reign sinning in this life. I also have hopes that Jesus’ redemption will extend to all God’s creation, including animals, many of which have suffered and died, even living lives that were seemingly futile or horrific.
This statement refers to the atonement for sin, beautifully stated in Isaiah 53:5, “he was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities.” I do not subscribe to only one perspective of what Christ’s work on the cross accomplished. I would rather see and accept the merit of multiple views. The atonement theology makes very little rational sense to me. It seems to fit much more coherently within the Israelite legal system, and their understanding of their covenant with God. In their eyes, Jesus could be seen as the ultimate sacrificial lamb, the Messiah, ending the need for ritual animal sacrifice, and thus the people could be forgiven and united to God. To modern ears, however, blood sacrifice seems like a poor way to deal with sin. Why does God have to abide by some external legal standard to regain his affronted honor (Anselm) or to punish sins (Aquinas)? And why would God tell humans to sacrifice animals to make things better? Animals are innocent of the sins that the people committed. However, just because this view Christ’s salvation does not make sense totally within my context, I am not prepared to dismiss it, as it is highly biblical in nature and perhaps has merit beyond my vision. It also charts the way toward a major area of concern, and that is one of relationship. Regardless of whether or not God is required to punish sin, sins (at least some) can be seen as disobedience, rebellion, or turning away from God, and that has real relational consequences. When a child willfully disobeys a parent, a punishment may be given for instructive purposes, but a deeper breech is created in the fact that the child did not trust the parent and acted outside of her will. When relationships are damaged as such, a child’s “I’m sorry” and a parent’s “I forgive you” begins the restorative process.
Emphasizing the real humanity of Christ, even down to the experience of scraping a knee or biting a tongue. This was important in the debate between Apollinarius, who said that Christ had a real body but the mind of the Logos, and Gregory of Nazianzus, who stated that Jesus was fully human (that which was not assumed was not redeemed).
This notes the importance of Christ’s life and death as a “moral example” to all people of how to live, and sacrifice for others. While this perspective is easier for modern readers and I agree with it and add it in as helpful in understanding the meaning of Jesus’ death, it is inadequate by itself to deal with the real problem of sin, humanity’s propensity toward it, and the subsequent distance from God. What about a hope that transcends death? The wolf imagery is borrowed from Matthew 10:16, “See, I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.”
This line of thinking is taken from Romans 8:39 “…neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” This section further reflects my ambiguity on universal salvation. Perhaps there is no “dark cave” where we can forever hide from the love of God. Yet, even if this is so, it does not eliminate the need for all people to turn to God right away, and it also does not destroy the need for the Church to carry out the mission of Christ.
From John 18:11 “Jesus commanded Peter, ‘Put your sword away!’”
This section is not saying that we were the root of all evil, but that it was by human hands that Christ was killed, by his human friends that he was betrayed, by human voices that he was decried. This further follows the light and dark imagery of John 3:19, that people loved the darkness because their deeds were evil, and thus tried to put out the light that was among them.
Here I am admitting that it was not only the revenge of humanity on God that brought about the crucifixion, but that salvation meant more than that. The ultimate “storm” or problem was not humanity’s violence against Jesus on the cross, but humanity’s violence and sin in general, and God was working with a larger-scale redemption on the cross than just with those who were involved in the historical act.
A reference to a line in Tennyson’s poem, In Memoriam, “nature red in tooth and claw.”
“he suffered and was buried…” (N-C creed)
Judas and Peter’s betrayals surrounding the crucifixion.
From the apostle’s creed, “He descended into hell.”
A comment made with Fyodor Dostoevsky in mind. In the third chapter of “The Brothers Karamazov”, The Grand Inquisitor, he mounts an argument against God’s goodness based on the innocent suffering of children.
Following the three persons of the Triune God, and the three articles of the creed.
The “hearing” and “reading” are references to the Spirit’s work in proclaiming the gospel, through the word proclaimed by prophets and teachers, and also the written word in Scripture. The emphasis here is put not on the nature of the word, for example the believed properties of the Scriptures, but on their message as a call to action. A “call to arms” evokes a response to join forces with the good, and the “letter from home” is to evoke a sentiment and ultimately a returning to the love that is in the pages.
The familial analogy emphasizes the joining of an individual into the body of Christ. This becomes who you are, a marker of identification with Christ and his church.
“I believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the Giver of Life.” (creed)
These are references to the sacraments of baptism and the Lord’s Supper. I have chosen to place these two in this analogous context of family. For one, I do not view baptism or Eucharist as necessary to become a part of the family of God. Baptism serves the purpose of graphically enacting the reality of death to the old and life in the new when someone finds life in Christ. This is both an important ritual act in symbolizing this new stage in the life of the person, and confessing this new identity to the public. It is not salvific in any sense. Eucharist is also a ritual done within the context of the community. It is the remembrance of Christ’s sacrifice, the gospel message, and the unity of the Church. I am not a supporter of the United Methodist Church’s position on infant baptism (which was that of John Wesley himself) that baptism is appropriate for infants, and a similar type of communal covenant entered into on behalf of the child by the community (as was circumcision for the Israelites). While I appreciate this line of reasoning and would highly support the concept of the communal involvement in the life and faith of each individual, I believe that baptism is a sign of one’s own commitment to Jesus, displayed in the community. In other words, faith has its starting point in the church community, which births, nurtures, teaches, and proclaims the good news to the individual. Then it becomes a seed of faith planted in the heart of the person, which grows into an inward decision of faith, and then it is expressed outwardly again to the church. I would agree that children are considered vital members of the faith community before they are baptized, or even before they know what faith is. Catechetical instruction is not toward the “confirmation” act of the youngster, but toward the development of their understanding of God and lifelong response to Him. When this is established by the child/youth/adult, then baptism is appropriate. However, this is not a severe enough issue to me to take a stance against an infant-baptizing congregation, nor would I refuse to practice this if I was the pastor of such a congregation, because I understand and appreciate their theological reasoning, and find in it some merit. The Lord’s Supper, in my view, is also a representative act. That does not mean to me that it is not special. I agree with John Wesley that it is a “mean’s of grace,” that is, an act which serves as a conduit of God’s grace to the person involved. I am even willing to label baptism and the Lord’s Supper as sacraments, under the definition that 1). these are specific rituals commanded by Christ and performed within the Church, 2). that have physical/material elements (i.e. water, bread), and 3). they are means of grace. I want to emphasize though, that these things may be special but are not the only sacred rituals or means of grace available. Almost anything can be a means of grace (including non-church actions like meditation alone or talking with a friend), and I don’t think that sacraments should carry a super-status of any kind. Nor do I think they should be dogmatically defended in terms of style or execution. The importance is not that one is sprinkled or immersed, drinking wine or grape juice, but that the community of believers comes together with faith in Christ and celebrates these rituals and what they mean. With that said, I would encourage fullness and creativity in regards to bringing the meaning and richness to the sacrament, without making unnecessary drifts away from the traditional ways the churches have practiced these rituals themselves.
The issue of companionship here is a theme that I would apply to marriage and last rites. I do not see these two things as sacraments, per my definition above. However, I think the body of Christ has an important role to play during one’s life (companionship, encouragement, meeting needs, and specifically in a Christian marriage this is extended and deepened), and in death (being with someone at their last hour, so they are not alone in body, just as they are not alone in spirit.)
This raises the issue of church discipline. On the one hand, the calling of the gospel is severe, as demonstrated in the Sermon on the Mount. At the same time, God gives much grace. And Christians are asked to give much grace to each other. I believe, like Augustine and Calvin, that the visible church congregation is made up of both those who are saved and those who are not (the “wheat and the weeds”), and that it is not our human task to weed certain ones out. In practical issues of church discipline, I have a fairly relaxed application of punishment or reprimanding of anyone within the church in regards to their sin or failings. I would prefer taking a conversational approach, discerning what the issue is, and then assessing how one could help. However, in cases where a leader is clearly on the wrong path and uninterested in turning from it, I would support his or her removal from that position.
The “journey” analogy deals more specifically with the direction of our faith, our spiritual growth, our transience in this world (following Hebrews 11-12), and our sanctification process. This is a Wesleyan emphasis, urging believers beyond simply joining the family by faith (justification in Christ), but toward a progressive life of discipleship and growth. This imagery of moving forward toward a goal which is Christ is realized in the concept of “Christian perfection,” which is taught in Wesleyanism, and still somewhat maintained in the United Methodist tradition. I agree with Wesley that this is the right vector to follow, being made perfect in love, and that it is never one’s job to say he’s reached it, or that someone else hasn’t. It is very useful though, to point us and prod us onward in the adventure of a life of faith.
An encouragement to avoid materialism. Like John Wesley, I suggest that each one “earn all you can, save all you can, give all you can.” Emphasis for me is on giving so that one does not accumulate too much, as hoarding can clog the spirit.
This section emphasizes that the journey of faith and sanctification is only possible because of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us. Here represented as the “wind” at your back, the Spirit is the vital energy of the Triune God that acts in synergy with our efforts to produce loving actions toward God and others. I am unwilling to erase human freewill from the salvation discussion, but I do not want to overemphasize it either. The most important focus is the love of God which is demonstrated and made accessible through Jesus Christ, and is brought into our very beings by the Holy Spirit, who calls us, saves us, and makes us holy.
hence, this kind of paper.

Summation notes:
My theological perspective could perhaps most readily be described as loosely evangelical, and practically postmodern. The closest tradition I have is Wesleyanism and United Methodism, and these have important distinctions between themselves. Though the Bible is never addressed in the creed, I believe it to be authoritative in that it tells the story of God’s interaction with humanity, one of ultimate hope, redemption, and regeneration in Jesus Christ. Leave behind the inerrant, infallible, and we move into the Genesis creation story as a true myth, not a scientific text. Here is my first fork with many conservative evangelicals, that I leave room for evolution as the method of God’s creating. I quickly also break ranks with Augustine and many evangelicals when addressing the “Fall.” This must be a bigger problem than just human sin, for reasons stated above. I prefer to bundle up the theodicy problem, along with the origination of rebellion, and throw it back before the creation of the world, or before human creation, and deem it temporarily undiscoverable, or more likely, indefinitely so. Others, such as Christopher Southgate in The Groaning of Creation, have chosen to take a more deterministic approach to creation, stating that the violent, slow, random processes of evolution are the “only way” that God could have created such a world. I disagree, and in similar ways this is my disagreement with Calvin and Barth, and maintain a significant space for human choice and disobedience, most often called “freewill.” I maintain this both on a tradition (here, Wesleyan/Methodist and beyond) of Scriptural interpretation, personal experience, and the desire to view God as giving us freedom and working to redeem our failings. Next, in terms of soteriology, I do not understand the current meaning of the atonement analogy, but am not willing to dismiss it, either historically or practically. I want to add other models, especially a “Christus Victor” as it relates to overcoming death as an ontological abyss, or nothingness, following Tillich’s The Courage to Be line of reasoning, that God constantly overcomes the possibility of non-being, and when joined to him, we can also overcome it. However, I would apply this much more extensively to the reality of the human situation, not just ontologically. Christ’s victory on the cross is also a foundation for real positive change in the life of the believer, away from sin and toward goodness. This must translate to real hope for the alcoholic, or the repentant rapist. The moral example view of Christ’s death is also important here, but I would want to be sure to extend the example not only to his death but his life, death, and resurrection. Christ, as the ideal human, gave us an example or model. One application of this approach is to see Jesus as a cultivator of peace among a violent people. To give the ultimate sacrifice of one’s life is necessarily or best seen within the framework of the resurrection, knowing that what seems lost to humanity by way of suffering and death is ultimately redeemed and brought to new life in God. In the past several years I have focused more intensely on the responsibility that the follower of Jesus has to the here and now. For example, she has a responsibility to care for the natural environment, to enact political justice for the poor, to communicate toward bringing down prejudices, etc. I believe this to be the case still. Even more recently, however, I am focusing on the necessity of a God-ushered cosmic redemption, something beyond the scope of what God can do through humans here in the time and space reality. Without this eschatological overarching reality, the story is too bleak, too full of needless suffering, too pitiful, in my opinion. This has especially been brought to my attention in regards to the suffering of animals. If all of creation is not redeemed, how can we account for the humongous amounts of suffering and death in the natural world? Relying heavily on the cosmic redemption of Christ (which has not yet been fulfilled) brings a necessity for balancing two perspectives: 1). the Christian cannot be too future-focused as to relinquish current responsibilities to be stewards of what is at hand, 2). to not be consumed with the problems of the world and forget the hope that God is ultimately the omnipotent creator and redeemer. As stated above in note 37, this calls into question other world religions, and those who do not believe in Christ. Simply restated, I promote a reliance on God’s mercy, and a human mission that involves respect, care, love, and carrying the light of God into the lives of others, rather than coercion, conversion, or evangelism.
In regards to the last article of the creed, the section that gets the most practical controversy, I am perhaps at an entirely too naïve place. I acknowledge and respect that variety of traditions and expressions of Christianity, seek to understand their working philosophy, and do not wish to “have it my way” in their churches. I don’t maintain stalwart positions on sacraments (which likely reveals that my presupposition is that sacraments are not all that necessary in the life of following Jesus), and I don’t sign my name to any particular denominational confession. This attitude is probably the result of my peace-cultivating personality, the fact that the institution of the church seems to be draining my vitality lately, and a lack of desire to engage on those particular battlefields. It is not from an unwillingness to engage in the discussions and understand the opinions of others. I just personally prefer to write most of my own belief statements in pencil. What I write in pen is very little, and probably would look very similar to the Apostle’s Creed. The postmodern approach to theology, or at least my approach, may be budding with problems just over the horizon. My few years of experience in church leadership have revealed a small few of them, and in the years to come I trust that many more of them will find their way into the forefront. One strength I feel that this perspective has is that it is theology in 3-D, played in Real-Time. It is not satisfied with coherent systems, but is concerned with the enactment of live persons in relationship with other persons, inside and outside of the academy.

Teaching the Bible in Small Groups Notes

2009-08-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

Starting a Small Group

1. Articulate a purpose for the group.
2. Inspire, and train the leaders first.
3. Host an introductory meeting to garner interest.
4. Run a new group for 8-10 weeks.
5. Strong leadership at first, then more shared leadership.

Stages in Group Life

FORMING STORMING NORMING PERFORMING

1. Pre-contact. Establish a clear purpose.
2. Orientation. Comfortable and accepting environment.
3. Power and Control struggle. Clear leadership.
4. Trust development. (3-4 weeks or more. Be patient).
5. Differentiation or change. (May need to renegotiate the contract and terms).
6. Conclusion and new beginning. (Celebrate the journey so far, have a sharing time to reflect together, plan a reunion possibly?, point toward a future vision).

Roles People Play

People’s roles fall into two broad categories:

1. Task Accomplishers.
2. Relationship Builders.

Both are needed and valuable in every group.

Bible Study Methods

3 PARTS OF A STUDY:

1. Introducing the text
2. Interacting with the text
3. Responding to the text

3 KINDS OF QUESTIONS:

1. Information
2. Interpretation
3. Application

INDUCTIVE BIBLE STUDY: Studying a specific Bible passage (one chapter or less), in order to discover its meaning and application to our lives.

1. Observation. Introduce the text (print out a copy so everyone has the same version). Have someone read it aloud. Prepare several observation questions that help people see what is in the text itself. Do research to bring a fuller background knowledge to this text.
2. Interpretation. Try to find meaning in what you’ve observed. What are key themes? How do they fit together? Develop several specific but not narrow interpretation questions.
3. Application. Develop several questions that move toward applying this text to our lives.

LECTIO DIVINA: A method of praying using the Scriptures.

1. Silence (2 min.)
2. Read the selected Scripture aloud twice.
3. Silence. Reflect on a specific word or phrase that stuck out to you.
4. Share the word aloud with the group.
5. Read the passage aloud again (someone new reads).
6. Silence. Reflect on how you experience the passage. (Feelings, metaphors, realizations, what does it mean).
7. Share.
8. Read passage again (new person).
9. Silence, reflecting on “What is God inviting me to do or be…?”
10. Share.
11. Prayer requests.
12. Pray for the person on your right aloud.
OTHER METHODS OF BIBLE STUDY:

STUDY:
· Chapter study
· Discovery
· Book study
· Topical Study
· Word Study
· Biographical Study

RESPONSE:
· Devotional Study
· Paraphrase and Response
· Exploring Personal problems in light of Scripture
· Relational Bible Study

ENCOUNTER:
· Feeling and faith
· Depth and encounter
· Transformation
· Drama, role playing
· meditation
· song

ACTION:
· Prepare for action
· Current events
· Accountability (covenant discipleship groups)
· Discipline

In Defense of the Sacred

2009-08-20T15:28:00.002-07:00

INTRODUCTION

This paper is in dialogue with four authors (listed in bibliography) and a class entitled “Religion and Society,” at Princeton Theological Seminary, Fall Term, 2008. This course was instructed by Dr. Richard Fenn.
The central question of this paper is: what is sacred? The working response is, human life is sacred. A subsequent question is also asked: should human life be defended with violence?
I have chosen to write this paper in narrative a format for several reasons. First, I believe that the sacred is not theoretical, or academic in nature. It is personal, and shows up only in the context of story, whether individual or corporate. Second, I tend to favor a soft treatment of the sacred. Stripping naked and examining what one considers sacred can be harmful if done carelessly. Thus, in the narrative context, I am able to allude to certain arguments metaphorically and indirectly, without making a direct attack. The scenario of this drama is also intended to show the relationship between what one considers sacred and one’s own real living, the former affecting the latter.
While this account is purely fictional, it is close to my heart, and a possibility that could face anyone. As a martial artist, I have struggled long with the idea of violence in relation to the sacred. While I have yet to reach any solid conclusions, this paper perhaps reflects the boundaries and directions of my search (if not overtly, then inversely or ironically.)
Note: The main character, Gray, is not intended to express my views strictly speaking, but his character allows issues to be raised, and I use his responses both positively and negatively to reflect my own positions.

PART ONE

Declare me innocent, O Lord,
for I have acted with integrity;
I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me.
Test my motives and affections.
For I am constantly aware of your unfailing love,
and I have lived according to your truth…
Don’t let me suffer the fate of sinners.
Don’t condemn me along with murderers.
Their hands are dirty with wicked schemes,
and they constantly take bribes.
But I am not like that; I do what is right.
So in your mercy, save me.
I have taken a stand,
and I will publicly praise the Lord.
-Psalm 26

His pillow already soaked with his own sweat, the man rolled over again. It was a lingering restlessness, one that he managed to ward off during the day. But at night it broke in like an expert thief and stole away every cent of peaceful sleep he possessed. The gravity of the next day’s fortune made the man nauseous. He stumbled into a dream.

The man stood alone in a gray, medieval style robe, with a pointed hood that was much too long and concealing. Adam was his name, the reluctant conjurer of this nightmare. The room was drab, emanated a dim haze, scarcely like a room but more an empty space without borders. Another robed figure appeared slowly, as if floating to him, dressed in a vivacious yellow garment. Adam could not distinguish his face through the hood, but noticed only that he seemed to have an enlarged head. Some passing thought told Adam that this was only a dream, and that such stretches of reality were permissible, if not expected.
“Adam Gray,” the man commanded, as if reading a one-man roll call.
Adam was silent, eyes to the floor, standing only a few steps away from the man.
“What will be your fate, Mr. Gray?” The man in the yellow robe spoke in a deep, scolding tone, every sound a singular condemnation. Adam wore his burden on his face, and spoke up too slowly, and was cut off…
“Do you know what you have done? There is blood on your hands,” the man in yellow proclaimed. “Do you have a defense?”
Gray stood tall now, but still somber. His anxiety was not from a guilty conscience, nor regret, but the weight of a heavy and horrific reality. Gray looked into the shadow that hid the face of the Yellow man. “I am sorrowful for what I have done, but I think it was right.”
“Tell me what it is exactly that you have done.” Scarlet asked.
“I was walking to my car late one evening after work. When I was just about to open the driver’s side door, I heard a whimpering cry from behind the dumpster. I went over to investigate, and saw a large man with his pants around his ankles. He was over a woman, raping her very aggressively. It took my mind a full second or two to process what was happening. I was stunned. Then, instinctively, I ran into the man, knocking him off the woman. He fell to the concrete and I stooped down to help the woman to her feet. I saw her look to her left just as the man tackled me to the ground. We struggled for a few seconds, then he positioned himself on top of me, straddling my torso. The man was much larger and stronger, and his first punch landed hard on my face, sending my head down onto the concrete. He poised his hand for another punch, when I saw my opportunity. My right arm was free, so I struck the man in the throat. It was a devastating hit. He toppled off to the side of me, and died later that night. My strike crushed his trachea. The woman had some bruises and was obviously traumatized, but she was okay.”
“I am curious,” asked Yellow, “why did you come to the woman’s aid at all?” His tone was less foreboding now, almost casual. Gray suspected it was another technique of interrogation, and it occurred to him that this entire dream sequence was perhaps his imaginative construction of the fear he had about tomorrow’s trial. However, this question angered Gray. He thought his actions heroic and would have rather been praised than quizzed.
“I did what was right!” he retorted. “I had to do it.”
“Why?”
“Because it was the right thing to do!” He knew this would not appease Yellow, so he tried again. “I saved the woman because she was worth saving. That man had no right to hurt her.”
“Because she is sacred,” Yellow summarized.
“Exactly!”
“And what about this woman was so sacred?”
Gray’s indignation flared again. Then he realized that this man’s intentions were not demeaning, nor was he simply trying to provoke Gray. This had become a conversation of deep meanings.
“I believe everyone is sacred. Everyone should be able to live, and not be brutalized by someone else.” Gray felt more confident of this response. “Each individual is unique. Valuable. Special. That woman has a life and a soul and a family and feelings and hopes. The rapist already did a lot of damage. I just wish I would have gotten there sooner.”
“Let me tell you a story now, Mr. Gray. Hopefully you are intelligent enough in your dreams to realize your misconceptions when they are plainly pointed out to you.”
As Yellow spoke, the surroundings suddenly transformed, and the two of them were in the middle of a jungle.
“This is sacred, Mr. Gray!” He pointed to a large wooden statue off in the distance. Even from so far away, Gray could discern it to be the likeness of a kangaroo. “This totem is sacred. A kangaroo is sacred, but that woman is most definitely not. Gray, I do not condemn you for saving that woman. Not at all. Society exists by a contractual set of behaviors, and that rapist breached them. And you killed him. It is likely you will be punished for what you did, as you punished him for what he did. I simply do not want you going to your grave or prison cell with the grave misunderstandings you now hold.”
Gray looked back at the totem. It appeared that a group of aborigines were performing some kind of ritual. A fire was lit and the people were moving. Yellow re-acquired Gray’s attention.
“This is society in its most basic form. These people can scarcely be called human at all. And that carved wood is the father of all that is sacred, metaphorically speaking.”
Gray listened intently, the scene felt now more like a classroom than a courtroom.
“No one person has any claim to possessing the sacred, nor does he even have the capacity to recognize something as sacred. Religion is born out of the collective, and sacred things are born out of religion. Religion is perhaps the strongest bond of a community. The society constructs the system, and thus determines what is sacred. Even if a particular religion said that human life was sacred, it is a circular path back to the society’s construct determining the sacred, not the individual determining the sacred.”
Gray began, “But I know…”
“You know? Where do you get your cognition? From personal experience, or perhaps your instinct? You said you just knew that saving that woman was right. But do you not realize that your individual knowledge is irrational, and your instincts are never verifiable by scientific investigation? So how do you know what you know is right? There is a third and higher source of cognition, and that is social knowledge. This is given to you from the collective. Thus, you knew it was right to save the woman because the society created laws and morals which the rapist violated.”
“Why are you telling me this in the middle of an ancient jungle?” Gray asked.
“The totem represents the clan. The totem represents a plant or animal, in this case a kangaroo, that is holy. It is like a coat of arms for the people. They never eat or kill the totem animal. And once you have one thing as being sacred, everything else is profane. This unfolds into a system of classifying things and people into sacred—profane. Thus sacred symbols, rituals, and even class structures evolve. After the material segregation into categories of profane and sacred, another development arose. That is the concept of the soul.”
Gray noticed that the ritual in the distance had ended and the clan was making preparations for a meal. Yellow, ignoring the event, continued his story.
“The soul may have originally been conceived from dreams. Since primitive people could travel to different places while asleep, they thought that they must have a separate component that also had cognitive capacities, but was not restricted to being physically present with the body. Eventually, the body came to be viewed as profane, and the soul sacred. Primitive peoples perhaps thought they could store their soul in the totem when going to battle or if they were threatened, as a way of preserving themselves from harm.”
“Are you saying that religion is a farce?” Gray questioned.
“No. Believers of all times have had the same experiences with regard to religion, and that cannot be discredited. It stands as strong as scientific evidence.”
“Wait, you just said that individual knowledge is irrational. And much of this ‘believers’ knowledge’ is comprised of individual experiences with particular, individual, experiential, localized sacred things or places or moments. You can’t have it both ways.” Gray pushed, but Yellow responded, half ignoring the point.
“The collective consciousness is distinct from and higher than that of the individual. Society has crystallized the best of conceptual thought and preserved it. You distracted me from my main point though, which is to say that the religious sentiment is simply misguided, or at the least, misnamed.” Though Gray could still not see Yellow’s face, he knew it had grown stern, prepared to say that which he had intended to say all along.
“Society is religion, Gray. There is no other source of power or morality, no vital presence from which men draw strength. No universal compassion. No god but us.”
Gray sighed. “You have to know this is bull-shit. And I don’t believe you.”
“Why did you really save her, Mr. Gray? What did you fail to tell me at first?” Yellow pushed.
“God,” Gray blurted. “God. I believe in God. That’s why each person is sacred.”
Yellow shook his head slowly from side to side. Gray interpreted it as disappointment, or disgust. At this, the man in the vibrant robe turned his back and began to walk away from Gray. The jungle faded with his every step, and once again the expanse was dull. Gray could hear the man mumbling under his hood as he left.
“The old gods are dead, Gray. Dead. They have served their time as the benevolent figures of our imagination, but we have put them under the ground. Time to grow up and stop believing. Science is the true Son of God, Gray.” Yellow stopped, “And he killed his father.”
PART TWO

I come to you with only karate,
empty hands.
I have no weapons,
but should I be forced to defend myself,
my principles,
or my honor;
should it be a matter of life or death,
of right of wrong;
then here are my weapons,
karate,
my empty hands.

-Ed Parker, Master of Kenpo Karate

Gray remained there for what felt like a long time, the only vertical figure in a flat world. His emotion now matched his cloak, which was camouflaged with his surroundings. His mind began to replay Yellow’s words.
Old gods are dead
Science a murderer—or a truth-giver? Everything pre-framed by faith?
Each man is nothing without society…

Someone approached.

In the poor lighting, Gray at first only noticed that this man looked very similar to Yellow, at least in his silhouette. Large head, mysteriously hooded. Fluid gait.
Now he could tell, the man’s robe was royal purple. Gray thought at first that it could be the man in yellow, with a new robe. But then Purple spoke, and his tone and pitch were very different. It was not so authoritarian as Yellow. It was still commanding, but without the hint of hatred that he felt with Yellow.
The man in the purple robe stared at Gray, but not at his face. The silence was almost awkward, but it was empty of any competitive force.
“Your hands are strong,” Purple finally spoke.
Now Gray surveyed his own hands.
“Why did you kill the rapist, Gray? You appear to be a peaceful man. Aren’t you?”
Though he could not see Purple’s face, he sensed it was less stern than Yellow’s, and he felt more at ease to speak from his heart. “I did not want to kill him. I hate violence, actually. I can’t say what I did was an accident. More like a tragic incident. When the man was on top of me, I felt controlled, and I panicked. I knew that a few more punches and he probably could have killed me. I had one opening, one blow, and I took it. Maybe there was another way. Maybe I could have done things better. But I just reacted, and I couldn’t have done any better in the moment. I hate that I killed a man. It was not the right thing.”
“But you told the other man that you did not regret it, that it was the right thing,” Purple challenged him.
“Killing is never the right thing. I think I made the best choice, one that I do not regret. But it is with the heavy heart of a confessor that I admit that, and ask for God’s forgiveness,” Gray’s words revealed his sorrow. “Why are you asking me these questions?”
“The rapist was on top of the woman, abusing and controlling her. You were right to knock him off, Gray. Then he turned his tyranny on you, and again you revolted against it. You need not feel sorry for that. In fact, it is from this experience that you should realize and free yourself from the systems that control you.” Purple moved in closer. “Who taught you how to strike like that, Gray?”
“Army,” he responded. “Hand-to-hand combat training.”
The two men immediately found themselves standing on the edge of a tall cliff. It was early morning, and the sun shone in radiant colors from the dew on the ground below. Gray recognized most of the land below as rice fields, surrounded by primitive huts. He then surveyed the plateau on which he stood. The rapist! He was standing behind him. Gray’s body tensed. He felt the fight or flight takeover.
“Calm down, it is not him, only a representation.” Purple’s words did not quickly satisfy Gray. “This man you know as the rapist is an image, just like this one.” The instant the words came out of his mouth, the rapist transformed into the President of the United States. Now Gray’s defensiveness dissolved into confusion. “Or this one. Maybe you recognize him.” The President transformed into someone else. Gray had never seen this man before, but recognized him nonetheless. The new image exuded light, warmth, welcome.”
“Jesus? Is this supposed to be Jesus?” He asked Purple.
“Yes,” Purple said.
“I don’t get it. What’s the point of all this?”
“The point is, tomorrow morning you will wake up, go sit in a courtroom, and have the rest of your life, or death, determined by a group of perfect strangers. The very least you can do is realize your noose before they hang you with it.” Purple was more forceful than he had been before. “Look down there Gray. What are those people doing?”
“They are growing rice,” he stated.
“That’s what peasants do, is it not? And those peasants down there labor over their crops and then cut out a tithe for the people who live up here on the mountain. They bring it up to them as a sacred offering, a gift to the noble rulers, and in return the noble rulers don’t swoop down to rape and pillage the peasant’s village.”
“I still don’t…”
“You don’t what, Gray? You don’t understand? Yes, you understand. You know. The man in the yellow robe would have you believe that your knowledge is invalid on it’s own right. But you know that to be a lie. Each of us possesses more than just what we know from our culture. We are individuals. Every society is made up of them. And each person learns a great deal about life from what he or she experiences personally. The gang of brigands that lives on this mountain has created and propagated a mythical reality, which gives them a place of honor and power. The peasants below bought into the deception, and actually think they are doing something honorable by honoring their oppressors.”
Gray’s expression showed resistance to this idea.
“This is basically how it works,” Purple explained. “There are two kinds of people in the world: rulers and ruled. Now, the rulers would have you think that there are many levels of rank in between the most and least powerful people, but that is a smoke and mirrors tactic to hide the fact that there are very few who have power, and they manipulate the rest. The masses are spoon-fed ideologies that construct the world in terms of an eternal cosmic order, whereby all blessings come from a hierarchical source. The rulers are then poised in the position of mediator, or even representations of the ancient authorities themselves, and are divinely appointed to establish and maintain social order. In other words, these ideas are used to control the people. The proponents are usually much more tactful than the rapist, who simply forces his way on top of the people. Government leaders, and religious leaders for that matter, paint beautiful pictures with colorful chains, and the people are awed all the way up to the point when they don’t even realize that the chains have become their prison, and the world around them is a cage, and that they themselves are the crops and they are being farmed by their dictators.”
“Why would people give up their freedom and their lives to other people?” Gray asked as he watched the peasants working in the fields.
“Deception. Protection. Fear. Probably more reasons than that. And what is even more disturbing, and I don’t meant to aim this comment at you Gray, is that religion is a primary tool of the powerful to accomplish their domination. This hierarchy likely started with the concept of ancestors. The ancestors were seen as protectors or providers. Certain people came to represent or communicate for the ancestors, and thus acquired their power locus. Other versions of this evolved, including simple politics of power. A leader of a gang or army threatens a group into paying him some kind of tax in exchange for his protection. However, whom the leader is really protecting the people against is himself. But they fail to see that, because they project their own sense of honor onto the leader, deeming him honorable, and then reveling in the honor they receive back from him through gifts or gratitude.”
“That is a sick cycle,” Gray confessed. “But I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen it happen in the real world.”
Purple erupted with laughter. He tried to seize it back into control, but it bled out through the seams. It was a few moments before he could regain his composure enough to respond. “You’ve never seen this happen! Is that true, Gray? The only reason you’ve never seen it is because you blinded yourself to it. You have not only seen it, you’ve lived it! How long were you in the military?”
“Four years,” Gray said.
“I could not conjure a better example than this. You are born into your family, get an education, work hard to survive, put food on the table, and all the while ignoring the mosquitoes that subtly bleed the life out of you in the name of traditional authority. You pay taxes to rulers you’ve never met and never will. You leave your family and go to war at the command of a commander who neither knows nor cares for you. You are convinced that your greatest allegiance, even your very life, is owed to this great national family. They take your gold, shine it up, give a tenth back to you, and you consider this a sacred gift.” Purple waited for Gray to retort, and he did.
“Fuck you, ghost! I gave up four years of my life for this country. I had buddies bleed and die in some arid wasteland to protect this nation. Their lives were not wasted. You think you can explain everything,” Gray faded from yelling to mumbling. “If we didn’t stand up and sacrifice, this whole nation would go to hell.”
“Violence is inevitable, Mr. Gray.” Purple resumed his teaching tone. “Violence is inevitable.
Violence is inevitable.

Violence is inevitable, Mr. Gray.

Violence

is

inevitable.

They started it from the moment you were born. Violence to your psyche. Violence to your knowing. They said that what you know is not good enough. That you must know what they know. That you must believe what they believe. If you don’t, if you refuse, they will force you. If you resist, you become the enemy. Then they point their problems outside, finding a scapegoat, a sacrificial lamb, and put a knife in your hand, and make you kill it. More bloodshed. And if you wake up one morning and decide to throw off this system, you better be prepared that the revolution will be a violent one. They will strike hard, and you must strike back. I do not have to tell you this, Mr. Gray. You have proven to yourself that your instincts, your knowing, is enough. You knew that the rapist was wrong. You acted, even resorted to violence. You knew it was regrettable, but inevitable. You freed yourself from one oppressive attacker. I hope tomorrow you are as lucky.”
Purple turned to walk away. Then he stopped, as if remembering something. “One more thing, Gray. The rapist, the President, and Jesus: all Mountain Men, my friend. Religion is the right arm of the tyrant. Prophets and politicians work in tandem. The religious matrix is more secure than the individual, so they invest all their power in the bank of the system, and then make withdrawals when necessary. Look at history. Israel always had a prophet associated with the throne. The traditions will tell you that there is something from the past, something beyond, which is the source of blessing and vitality. Then they will steal yours. When you wake up, realize that you are the one who plants the seed. You are the one who harvests the rice. You are the one who cooks the meal. And you should be the one who eats it.” With that, Purple disappeared.
Gray ran forward, trying to grasp the man who was no longer there. “Their sacrifices were not in vain!” He screamed to the vanished Purple. “Even if the war was wrong, or the leader was wrong, they died with honor. Your traditional authority doesn’t take that from them. And you’re naïve on violence, too. Violence is inevitable, but it’s not as easy as you make it out to be. If you try to avoid or ignore it, you will be crushed by it. I’d like to see one people group live without some hierarchy, without some kind or organization. Show me one group of humans, or one man for that matter, that does not have a violent impulse, or has no need for protection. If you try to decentralize the authority, you’ll create a power vacuum that will always be usurped by someone hungry for power. Better to have a leader instituted by the people than a conquering hero.
And I’m not proud of killing the rapist.
And okay, religion may have been used at times like you suggested, as a storage bank for authority, a staging ground for exploitation. But you don’t know Jesus. You’ve got the man wrong, to put him on the mountain. He was in the valleys, in the fields, lifting the heads of the oppressed, not oppressing them. He did not choose to meet violent oppression with violent resistance. He chose a better way, which was love. This was a transformative dream that he birthed. He did not try to overturn the power structure, but awoke the souls of people to a greater reality, a relationship of friends. And still, violence was inevitable, but instead of doing it, he allowed it to be done to him. He proved that maybe you can’t kill violence, but violence definitely can’t kill love.”

PART THREE

April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm' aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the arch-duke's,
My cousin's, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter.
What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
-T.S. Eliot, “The Wasteland”

Gray seemed to be getting the picture. This dream was the enactment of his fears, his doubts, and his self-condemnation. But it was also more. It was strangely real. There were things said, things that Gray himself could not have fabricated. Information that he could not have provided. And the movement of the conversation was just as genuine to him as the movement of his soul.
Was there anyone else coming? Another friendly ghost or ancient voice to show him the way past universal tyranny? Gray waited in silence, the room gradually filling with light. It was not a large space, but did possess four walls and a roof, all made from primitive natural materials. Shadows dominated every corner of the room, but the light shone just brightly enough that Gray could see another hooded man in the center of the room. Scarlet.
“What happened, Gray?” The man in the scarlet robe asked. “What was it like? It must have been traumatic.”
“You had to hear everything I said to the other two. I already explained what it was like. It was horrible. The man was raping an innocent woman, and I instinctually defended her. When the man turned on me, I had to kill him. I hate that I did; I hate that I killed him, but I did not see any other way at the time. I have already confessed it and found forgiveness with God, and now the rest is up to the court.”
A man cleared his throat, in the shadows. Gray glanced to his left and noticed that a man in a brown robe was standing near them this whole time. He was half cloaked in darkness, and seemed to blend in with the wall, which appeared to be made of mud. Brown, like Scarlet and the rest, had an enlarged head, a detail that Gray hardly noticed anymore.
“If I may,” Brown offered in a mild voice, “I would like to explain some phenomena to you that may help you view your situation with greater clarity.” He did not wait for a response, but began straightaway, as if starting a lecture right on schedule. “Firstly, I would like to state that you have been treated too pungently by the previous visitors. Culture is a bit more relative than science, and an outsider cannot draw such firm conclusions. However, general observations can be made for the benefit of all who are interested in the topic. You have been confronted with a violation of the sacred, which is a notion that has evolved through time in relationship to religion. However, even earlier than formalized religion, we can discover religious notions centering around the charisma concept. People would seek out such a person believed to hold charismatic powers, and beseech gifts of healing, medicine, power, or fortune. The magic man performed a ritual act, which in turn was supposed to create a real world affect. Eventually, this idea moved from the natural realm to the spiritual one, transforming the ritual’s directly expected result to a symbolic act in view of the spirits, or deity. Such gods could be classified into national deities (which often competed with other gods in war—the strongest god wins, as seen in Israel’s Yahweh) with several lower spirits. The later rationalization of humanity led to the belief in a universal God, which would account for the unity of knowledge and experience. However, this did not end the concept of primitive magic. The symbolic rituals possessed the power to appease or influence the god. For example, sacrifice of an animal may serve to win the favor of the god, as well as bond the community through a corporate meal. ”
Gray yawned. “I am already asleep,” he thought. “How could I be getting tired?” The brown-hooded man seemed to be uttering one infinite sentence. It was a vicious monologue, free from pauses or varied intonation. Gray glanced up at the Scarlet man, who seemed to be ignoring the background noise of Brown’s explanations. But Brown continued, unmoved.
“A distinction developed then, between a magician in the strict sense, and a priest,” Brown stated as if someone was listening. “The magician possesses charisma and a special revelation from the divine, while the priest has possession

Brown looked at Gray, seemingly unaffected that his explanations had thus far fallen on deaf ears. “I said that the woman you saved was a prostitute. You knew that, didn’t you?”
The words fell hard. Gray knew in his heart that it made no ultimate difference to his decision, or to her sacred worth. But this information stung him. It hurt that a stranger possessed this secret knowledge, and he did not. It made him feel less credible. His mind started wandering to a banner of wild questions. How many men had this woman slept with? Did the rapist know she was a prostitute? Did the rape seem as traumatic to her as it would have to any other woman? Did she give the rapist a sexually transmitted disease? None of this mattered, yet it threw Gray off track. This would surely be brought forth in the trial tomorrow. Did he really have to kill this man for raping a prostitute?
Suddenly time slowed down. All the words in the air became muddled together like they were under water. Gray had no clarity of thought, just a dense confusion, which budded into a headache. His breath was forced and painful, as though someone had just punched him in the solar plexus. He began to doubt himself severely. Without the logic of argumentation, without the weight of reason or principle, he slumped into an implosive, self-deprecating anxiety. Gray was still sitting on the ground. Scarlet rose to his feet. He was no longer storytelling, but preaching.
“It is time, Mr. Gray. You were not permitted to stay in grade school your whole life. You were not allowed to linger in adolescence forever. Nor are you justified in clinging onto these childish notions anymore. You must accept responsibility for the powers of your mind. You cannot keep looking to some fabricated god, the projection of your hopes, the personification of your dreams. Humankind has emerged from the womb of mythology, passed through the threshold of religion, and now is standing in the plain presence of light, Mr. Gray. Science. We have put to sleep the fairy tales and children’s stories of yore. We have grown beyond the rituals and limitations of a divine mandate. We are free now—free to see life as it truly is. Galileo graciously showed us that we are not the center of the universe. Darwin humbly pointed out that we are not the kings of the natural order. The truth is, we are small. We are born into this struggle, and then we expire. Fear Of Death is the greatest muse in all of history, Mr. Gray. She has inspired ten thousand innovations to distract us from the inevitable. And yet, it remains inevitable. The world is growing tired of its pleasure-seeking fixations, immortal pacifiers. We are men, and we are able to accept with resignation our insignificance. ”
“I sit in defiance,” Gray thought half-heartedly. He knew what more the hooded men would say if he objected. He had no further grounds to object, now that he had been educated. He had nothing.
Gray wearily pulled himself to his feet. He looked at the shadow that concealed Scarlet’s face. He glanced over to Brown, then to the four heads on the table. Gray noticed behind him a growing glow. He turned.
All this time the room had been softly lit, but Gray never paid attention to the source of the light. Now he saw that it was a person. A man dressed in a white robe. Unlike the others, he wore no hood. The man’s face radiated. It was familiar to Adam. It was the vision of the man he had been shown on the mountaintop, but this time the face was alive. Adam felt himself being torn by impulses. He stood directly in the middle of the man in white and the man in scarlet.
Questions spewed—Adam was foaming at the mind. His thoughts were not linear, but tangled in three dimensions like a ball of yarn. It was a mass of regurgitated material—the words of the hooded men, old wounds, tabled doubts, bloody hands, shrunken hearts. Adam spoke none of this, but simply, in his heart, threw it all at the man in white. He should be able to catch it, Adam thought.
The man stood silently, glowing.

Moments passed, the long ages of dreamtime, in silence. An anger swelled inside of Adam, then melted into despair, then evaporated into disillusionment. Surely this was the man he saw on the mountain, the representation of an idea once cherished.

The brown-robed man slowly walked out of the hut, followed by the man in scarlet. Gray joined their ranks and passed into the shadows. He muttered one final thought.
“When we stop believing in God, is it He that dies, or us?”

Bibliography

Durkheim, Emile. The Elementary Forms of the Religious Life. London: George Allen and
Unwin Ltd. 1915.

Bloch, Maurice. Ritual, History and Power. London: The
Athlone Press. 1989.

Freud, Sigmund. Totem and Taboo. London: George Routledge and Sons, Ltd. 1919.

Weber, Max. The Sociology of Religion. Boston: Beacon Press. 1963.

Yahweh as Warrior

2009-08-20T15:28:00.001-07:00

INTRODUCTION: Topic and Method.
This paper discusses the concept of YAHWEH AS WARRIOR in the Old Testament. There are a variety of motivations for studying this topic, but this work is written with a pastoral consideration. It takes into account the problematic nature of Yahweh’s warring activities in the Old Testament as read from a lay Christian perspective. The emphasis of this work is distinctly on the Yahweh as Warrior theme, specifically defined as the instances in Scripture where Yahweh is credited with the destruction of a large number of people. For modern lay readers, this warrior image of Yahweh calls forth questions of a). the credibility of the Old Testament’s revelation of God, b). the apparent conflicts between Yahweh’s love and violence, especially in light of the revelation of Jesus in the New Testament, and c). the justification of contemporary wars based on ancient biblical texts.
The method employed in this discussion is that of intertextual narrative analysis. The Old Testament, and the Bible as a whole, is assumed to have a certain level of narrative congruity. Thus, the discussion of Yahweh as Warrior will primarily draw from the evidence that the texts themselves present, focusing on the broader story being told in the Old Testament. As Longman and Reid state, “Though it is often difficult to explain, the Bible’s message coheres on a profound level… not only is the Bible composed of many different stories, we may also say that it tells a single story.”

PART ONE: Thesis and Preliminary Concerns.
The central thesis of this work is that Yahweh’s warrior activities were for the purpose of bringing goodness and blessing to humanity, which was his divine intention from the beginning of the narrative, as evidenced in Genesis 1-12. The benevolent intentions of Yahweh toward humanity are four-fold:
1. He gives humans land (which includes food, and can be summarized as “resources”). “And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east; and there he put the man whom he formed. Out of the ground the Lord God made to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food….”
2. He gives the humans a command to “be fruitful and multiply.” This also represents creating posterity, and having kinship with one’s own family and people group.
3. He gives humanity a rulership/stewardship role on the earth, to “fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”
4. He also established a close relationship with humans, which had a requisite quality of obedience. This intention is not explicitly stated in the creation account, but can be inferred based on Yahweh’s careful attention to the needs of the adam, who is created in his image, and by the beautiful and “good” creation into which the adam is placed. God is also depicted as walking in the garden with the humans, and speaking to them.
So Yahweh is the main character from the beginning of the story, creating that which is good and giving good gifts to humanity. Any warrior activity on behalf of Yahweh, if seen through this beautiful inception, may then be viewed as his attempts to preserve or redeem the goodness he originally intended for humanity. But on what basis can it be said that Yahweh was interested in the good of all people? And what is the nature of the violent conflict that disrupts this beautiful Eden? These two questions will be taken up first, followed by a treatment of five examples of Yahweh’s warrior actions, and then finally a discussion of the problems that remain unresolved for the contemporary reader.
Yahweh’s good will toward all humanity can be understood from the creation account, the call of Abraham, and other universal prophetic passages in the Old Testament. First, Genesis 1-2 depicts the God of the Israelites as the creator of the universe. He is not simply a national deity vying for local supremacy; he is responsible for the creation of the earth, and all its inhabitants. “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.” The gifts, as listed above, that he bestowed on the adam were to all humankind. Second, Yahweh’s promise to Abraham signifies an intention to bless all of humanity.
The Lord had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you. "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”
This promise to Abraham recalls the initial blessings of creation, namely land, posterity, and rulership/stewardship. Third, Yahweh’s universal vision is evidenced in texts like Isaiah 2:2-4 and Micah 4:1-4, where “all nations” will venture to Yahweh’s mountain, and he will judge their disputes, and they will not “take up (the) sword” against each other.
If Yahweh created a world to exist in peace and goodness, why is war and violence a part of it? This touches the core of the theodicy problem, and cannot be adequately addressed here. However, it is helpful to mention that war is a reality among humanity. If Yahweh is to be a God that is present with his people, he too must face the harsh realities of war. Human violence in history is common, and an immanent God, a God that is present even in the worst of human experience, gives hope to the people. Craigie states that “to describe God as a warrior is thus to say that God participates in human history through sinful human beings, and through what have become the ‘normal forms’ of human activity…God employs, for his purpose of bringing salvation to the world, the very human beings who need salvation.” God did not initiate violence; the first record of that was Cain killing his brother. Yet God works within the violence to bring about goodness. According to Craigie, the warriorship of Yahweh can be seen as partially meritorious. “And although parts of the problem remain, the Old Testament war literature has this great merit: it is characterized by realism. It does not draw a false and romantic picture of the reality of the human situation, and consequently it forces us to face up to the reality of our own world.” Additionally, it seems that the Old Testament assumes a reality of warfare that transcends human conflict. Numerous examples can be cited where Yahweh is seen as fighting against epic sea monsters, other deities, and even heavenly powers. Without explicitly defining the nature of war, it is a reality in the human realm, with seeming connections in the spiritual realm. Yahweh is a victorious warrior for good, who conquers evil, and will eventually conquer war itself.

PART TWO: Demonstration of Thesis.
The first of Yahweh’s warrior activities to be considered is found in Genesis 6-8, where God destroyed all the living creatures of the earth except for Noah and the ark’s inhabitants. Again, this paper is attempting to demonstrate that Yahweh’s warrior activities are for the purpose of bringing goodness and blessing to humanity, namely the four benevolent intentions found in Genesis 1-12 (see above). The flood event is considered a warrior activity of Yahweh based on two criteria: 1). the definition above which includes any “instances in Scripture where Yahweh is credited with the destruction of a large number of people,” 2). a similar event in Exodus 14-15 where Yahweh is clearly depicted as a warrior. Yahweh’s motivation for sending the flood was because the earth was “corrupt in God’s sight and full of violence.” He was going to use a massive act of war, a flood, to end the violence that filled the earth. But Noah was saved because he was righteous and walked with God. After the flood was over, Yahweh re-instituted with Noah the blessings he bestowed upon humanity at creation: “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” Yahweh restored this new seed of humanity, giving him land, food, a mandate to multiply, and a new covenant that restricted Yahweh’s destruction of the earth in the future.
The second warrior act of Yahweh for consideration is the exodus from Egypt. This account must be read with the promise to Abraham in view. The Hebrew people that Yahweh rescued from the oppression of the Egyptians were the descendents of Abraham, the bearers of an old promise, and a people chosen by Yahweh to receive a blessing and be a blessing to the world. The Egyptian oppressors were stifling all of the blessings that Yahweh intended for humanity, and specifically Abraham’s descendents. The Hebrews had no access to their own land for resources, nor were they able to establish a nation, nor ruler over the creation in the image of God. They were instead being ruled over themselves by a nation that espoused to another faith. Yahweh intervenes, after long groaning from the oppressed people, to save them and fulfill a promise. Yahweh is the sole warrior figure in this battle with Pharaoh. Moses is not a warrior, but a mediator of Yahweh’s judgment, and Aaron his mouthpiece. It is clear from the story that the Hebrews did not rebel and overthrow the Egyptians by any power of their own. “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still.” Yahweh alone saved them. The ten plagues that Yahweh employed against Pharaoh were demonstrations that Yahweh was sovereign over all creation, and that Pharaoh’s claims of being a deity were hollow and ineffective. Yahweh’s attacks with the plagues not only injured Pharaoh’s self-concept and religious structure, but also the resources, the bodies, and the hearts of all the Egyptians. Despite repeated efforts to harden his heart, Pharaoh eventually submitted to the will of Yahweh and released the slaves. But the battle did not conclude there. It ended as Yahweh provided a way for the Hebrews through the Red Sea, but swallowed up the Egyptian armies in it. Following this mighty act of salvation, the people respond in praise, and Yahweh initiates a more detailed covenant with the people.
The third warrior activity is better categorized as a period of warfare, from the conquest of Canaan led by Joshua to the defense of the land led by the judges. During this period, Yahweh employs the Israelites to fight with him. Instead of the command to “keep still,” Yahweh instructs the people to “march around the city…blow the trumpets, and… charge straight ahead” in the conquest of Jericho, for example. Instead of extolling the Lord solely for overcoming the enemy, as seen in the Song of Moses, the Song of Deborah includes an honorable mention for the “commanders of Israel who offered themselves willingly among the people.” Not only is Yahweh displaying his “right hand… in glorious power,” as in the Song of Moses, but the Song of Deborah honors the woman Jael, who “put her hand to the tent peg and her right hand to the workman’s mallet; she struck Sisera a blow, she crushed his head, she shattered and pierced his temple.” Wood refers to this partnership between Yahweh and the people as “synergy.” Yet even though the Israelites take part in the fighting, credit is still given to Yahweh for the victory. He is Israel’s only true “war hero.”
The purpose of the fighting in the Joshua and Judges account was to secure the promise given earlier in the narrative to Abraham. As Wood describes, “…warfare in Joshua was to secure the land promised by Yahweh and warfare in Judges was to defend the land from enemy attack….” This is evidenced by Joshua’s speech in Joshua 24.
“Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: Long ago your ancestors—Terah and his sons Abraham and Nahor—lived beyond the Euphrates and served other gods. Then I took your father Abraham from beyond the River and led him through all the land of Canaan and made his offspring many… I sent the hornet ahead of you, which drove out before you the two kings of the Amorites; it was not by your sword or by your bow. I gave you a land on which you had not labored, and towns that you had not built, and you live in them; you eat the fruit of vineyards and oliveyards that you did not plant. Now therefore revere the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness….”
The blessings of land and relationship are explicitly at stake in this conquest of Canaan according to Joshua’s pronouncement from the Lord. Even after Joshua dies, the promise is still threatened by the invasion of Israel’s neighbors. For example, Judges chapter four describes a time when the Israelites “again did what was evil in the sight of the Lord.” The result was their conquest by King Jabin of Canaan, who “oppressed the Israelites cruelly (for) twenty years.” Yahweh then raised up Deborah to free the people once again from oppression. War, then, was a very normal occurrence in the ancient Near East. Even though combat was not the only way the Israelites inhabited the Promised Land, it was probably a requisite for their survival as a nation. It is also helpful to mention that Israelite warfare was in some ways mild compared to many other ancient cultures. For example, they did not kill out of blood lust, or rape the women of the conquered city.
A fourth category of warrior activity is the period during and after the Davidic monarchy. This topic will be treated with extreme brevity here because it less clearly falls into the category of Yahweh as warrior, and begins to diverge into a state-based military model, which was often opposed or kept in check by the prophets, who “acted as the divinely commissioned royal conscience.” Here, the king consults Yahweh through a prophet before a battle. Sometimes even this practice is neglected. David engages in “aggressive, expansionistic warfare,” according to Wood. The text’s focus is less directly on Yahweh as the war hero and leader of the Israelites. Attention shifts toward the human military leader, even to the extent that it is recorded, “David won a name for himself” because of his military victories. However, the text ultimately attributes victory to Yahweh, saying soon after “the Lord gave victory to David wherever he went.”
The fifth example of Yahweh’s warrior activity is his attack against the Israelites. This aspect of Israel’s Divine Warrior is unlike the characteristics of its neighbors. The theme that Yahweh can fight against Israel as well as fight for her shows up early in the Old Testament and is carried through to the end of it. One early example of Yahweh’s independence is found in Joshua 5:13-14, which reads:
Once when Joshua was by Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing before him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you one of us, or one of our adversaries?” He replied, “Neither; but as a commander of the army of the Lord I have now come.”
Judges 3:7-8 is another example of Yahweh’s retribution against Israel:
“The Israelites did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, forgetting the Lord their God, and worshipping the Baals and the Asherahs. Therefore the anger of the Lord was kindled against Israel, and he sold them into the hand of King Cushan-rish-a-thaim of Aram-Naharaim….”
The point is that Yahweh fights for justice. Those who stand in opposition to righteousness and justice stand in opposition to Yahweh himself. As demonstrated in the beginning of the story, Genesis 2:17, the blessings of the Creator to humanity did not come without responsibility. While the relationship between Yahweh and humanity in the Old Testament was not solely based on human obedience, it was a key ingredient. When Israel abused its relationship with Yahweh, it discovered that its God could war against as well as for the nation. This is clearly demonstrated by the prophetic message of Jeremiah. Judah had forsaken Yahweh, worshipped other gods, oppressed the weak, and shed innocent blood, all the while trusting that Yahweh was forever on their side, guaranteed by his presence in “the temple of the Lord,” which was their self-deceiving battle cry as they performed wickedness. The resulting punishment is that “all Judah is taken into exile, wholly taken into exile.” Yet even this destruction was not the end of Yahweh’s purpose for the people of Israel and Judah. The end of Jeremiah records, “Because your guilt is great, because your sins are so numerous, I have done these things to you…. I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal…. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah also looks forward to a day when the Lord will establish a new covenant with the people, where the law will be written on their hearts, and their relationship with Yahweh will be intimate and secure.

PART THREE: Contemporary Problems
The previous sections have attempted to demonstrate that Yahweh, from the creation of the world, intended to bring blessings and goodness to all of humanity. Earthly and supra-terrestrial war was a given reality in the world of the Israelites, as well as the Old Testament. Thus, Yahweh can be seen as working with humanity, even in the midst of evil circumstances, to secure goodness or redeem that which was corrupted. However, this assessment of Yahweh’s warrior activity in the Old Testament does not clear up all the tensions inherent in this warrior metaphor for the contemporary reader. Three core problems remain, and it will be the project of the rest of this work to try to succinctly name and frame them rather than to resolve them.
The first problem is centered on the contradiction between Yahweh’s supposed benevolent character and his warriorship. Could a loving God really command his people to commit genocide to an entire indigenous population, putting even women and children to the sword? Was that much violence necessary to bring about something “good”? Did the end justify the means for Joshua’s army? Did the punishment fit the crime for Israel and Judah who were conquered by foreign armies? Craigie reminds the Christian reader not to “spiritualize” the conquest of “the enemy” when reading the Old Testament. The bloody and brutal nature of the violence described must first be given its earthly grounding—many real people died painful deaths at the edges of Israelite swords. This being stated, there are other considerations for which there needs to be an account. For one, Yahweh’s nature is that he is both immanent and transcendent. In being immanent, he actively participates in human history, and can be known, though not completely. Thus the Israelites can develop a limited conception of their Lord using their accessible tools of language, culture, experience, revealed word, and so forth. The Old Testament employs many diverse images to describe Yahweh, including mother, spouse, and even child. It is no surprise then, that if Yahweh is involved in the life of Israel, he will also be in some kind of relationship with war. Alternately, the transcendence of Yahweh prevents him from being fully understood or explained through human categories or metaphors. “The Lord is a warrior; the Lord is his name.” And the Lord is infinitely more than this. Additionally, O’Brien sees Yahweh’s anger as potentially reassuring. Yahweh’s anger is a “divine concern for human suffering.” She notes that the progression of Yahweh’s anger in the prophets is three-fold. First, there is injustice. This then provokes Yahweh to anger against the unjust. Finally, that anger leads to vengeance on the wrongdoers, which can also be described as retribution or exacting justice.
The second problem regards the revelation of Scripture, and is predicated by the first problem. Can Scripture be trusted as containing Yahweh’s divine self-revelation if part of that revelation defies what modern readers consider good and loving? And does the Old Testament’s revelation of God fundamentally contradict the person and character of Jesus as revealed in the New Testament? Wood suggests that the Yahweh as Warrior metaphor affirms important truths for ancient Israel, and can also do so for the modern world. However, the world of the ancient Near East is not the same as the modern world, and the metaphor does not apply directly to contemporary circumstances. Other ways can better describe and affirm the timeless truths of God now rather than warring imagery. He also states that the reader must not dismiss the warrior language of the Old Testament.
The Lordship-Warrior language acknowledges, then, that there are powerful evil forces in the world and that they can and must be resisted. “Life, then is a battleground, but the Divine Warrior will not be defeated.” This theme, then, brings with it a tremendous hope for the future. Evil, however often it appears to triumph, is not the last word in human history. Yahweh is in ultimate control of the universe and He is the guarantor that good will win out in the end.
Though this study has focused on the Old Testament, it should be noted that the New Testament utilizes some of the warrior language in regards to Christ’s ministry, and the mission of the church. Jesus is constantly doing battle with demons in the Synoptic Gospels, and Paul implores the believers at Ephesus to “put on the full armor of God” as they battle with the spiritual forces of darkness. The revelation of Jesus should also be considered when seeking the fullest picture of the God of the Bible.
Finally, a problem remains regarding using the Old Testament as a justification to engage in wars today. “Many people are afraid of war and violence and are afraid of any aspect of religious language that has the potential to enflame religious zeal against the enemy.” Craigie advocates for a thorough adult and children’s Christian education curriculum that includes in-depth studies of war and violence in the Old Testament. It is also important to bear in mind that today’s “state” is very unlike that of the ancient Israelite state. And even in the Old Testament, Yahweh is the commander, the judge, and the avenger of justice. Readers should be cautious and considerate when drawing contemporary conclusions from the metaphor of Yahweh as Warrior in the Old Testament.
In conclusion, the image of Yahweh as a Warrior is an important metaphor in the Old Testament. It signifies his authority over all creation, his involvement and redemptive action in even the worst of human realities, and his passionate commitment to bring blessings and goodness to all people, which includes justice, resources, and a committed relationship to himself. Yet this metaphor cannot be taken as the only or fullest picture of the character of Yahweh. It must be read with consideration given to the larger narrative of the Bible, as well as the limitations of human language, and the realities of human violence and spiritual warfare. Even then, the image of the Divine Warrior still strikes a chord of uneasiness in the reader of the Old Testament. Perhaps this is one of its most important functions, to portray a God who cannot be domesticated, who transcends human categories, and who is to be feared as well as loved.

Bibliography.

The New Interpreter’s Study Bible, New Revised Standard Version. Nashville: Abingdon. 2003.

The Bible, New International Version. Colorado Springs: International Bible Society. 1984.

Wood, John. Perspectives on War in the Bible. Macon: Mercer University Press. 1998.

Longman III, Temper and Daniel G. Reid. God is a Warrior. Grand Rapids: Zondervan
Publishing House. 1995.

Craigie, Peter. The Problem of War in the Old Testament. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans
Publishing Company. 1978.

Lind, Millard C. Yahweh is a Warrior. The Theology of Warfare in Ancient Israel. Scottdale:
Herald Press. 1980.

O’Brien, Julia M. Challenging Prophetic Metaphor. Theology and Ideology in the Prophets.
London: Westminster John Knox Press. 2008.

Sherlock, Charles. The God Who Fights. The War Tradition in Holy Scripture. Edinburgh:
Rutherford House. 1993.

Kang, Sa Moon. Divine War in the Old Testament and in the Ancient Near East. Berlin: Walter
de Gruyter. 1989.

The Man

2009-08-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

The Man

You have a sneeze—right here is a medical team ready to heal you,
though you cannot afford them.

no thank you, my arthritic uncle and dead great grandfather bid you godspeed,
but I bid you to leave.

You are distressed, anxious, lonely, troubled. This is diagnosable, so please stop in for an hour to have a sit-down with the diagnosers, and they will be able to diagnose what is wrong with you.

somehow a chit-chat with a stranger, a woman, a person who makes her living fixing my problems, a trained unscrambler, in an air-conditioned office, no thank
you

Your spirit is cranky, your soul in doubt, your God elusive. May I refer you to the Clergy for that? Let me invite you to enter into God’s restoration by way of the rituals and services of worship that we have here at the church. Our tradition is acquainted with such psychosis… problems, and we have trained professionals to re-align the spine of your soul. I hope to see you on Sunday morning for a good cracking.

so I can sit on a wood bench and you can stand on a stage and wear a costume and act out the sacraments and we read the script aloud together and the jungle is cut down and the trees are neatly carved into crosses or Eucharist tables and the glory that dwells within is science and psychology and one degree after another enshrined on your office wall, and books and books guide you, and God beside you
as you climb the pulpit mount
and we are shaved, the only good use for sharp things,
and wearing the appropriate uniforms
and shoved as a square peg into a round hole
and within there is a pinch of bread and a drip of wine—this is no feast because I have feasted
and within there is a rag-tag band of musicians trying—this is no concert because I have wept
and within there is a paid orator trying—but this is no sermon because I have changed
and within there is a picture of Gethsemane—but this is no trial because I have bled
and within there is a font of holy water—but this is no ocean because I have tasted the salt of the earth
and within there is a movie screen—but this is no story because I have danced with the muse
and within there is a promise—but this is no fulfillment because I have felt life’s pulse

just give me a man.
dirty-footed grisly-haired callous-handed firm-faced man
whose eyes have fire
whose heart pumps desire that all the years of dullness and hypertension have not constricted
whose gait is light and thoughts are free
whose joys can one day all be counted by the claw-mark scars of Loss on his chest

just give me a man.
a man I can punch and he will punch me back, and I’ll submit, or wrestle to him to the ground
and lose
a man whose silence speaks of dreams
whose dreams and memories cannot be disentangled
who wears his skin to whatever the occasion
a man who knows the path by heart
just give me the man, I can follow him.

Little Jeremy

2009-08-20T15:25:00.000-07:00

Little Jeremy

Spent two years shoveling up the whole planet
to plant one daffodil.
Busting my asphalt,
dying for a dirty toe.
Are we starved to death for each other?
We eat with machines, by machines, for machines.
We to each other, hardly compatible.
If you read this on a machine, I am the hypocrite, voiceless.
Who can say we lack in exercise?
We are the professional ranks of frantic gerbils.
Ferris-wheel sense-wasters.
And when it taps on our shoulder we don’t even know ‘til we’re gone.
Use your inside voice, son.
Whisper artless expirations.
Same old lunch I’ve packed for you.
Eat it up. Throw it up. Very good.
This is not about me,
but perhaps my sanity.
degenderize—deculturize—deethnicize—deage—declaw—delice
and there you’ve got your man—Emerson’s boy.
One nose, two nostrils, thousand little hairs.
Two hands, strong hands, calloused hands.
Skin and heart, all for touching—made for it.
Made. Made from it.
Two years shoveling up the whole planet
to plant one daffodil.
Busting my asphalt,
dying for a dirty toe.

Warrior Mentor--Story 1

2009-08-20T15:24:00.000-07:00

This was his worst decision, what should have begun his downfall.
Summer dusk was settling on the town. The temperature steadily cooled as the street lights kicked on in unison. Few people were out that evening as Michael walked back to his car. He had to go through an alley to get to the parking lot, the same route he took every Sunday. His pace slowed as he realized that someone was following him. He turned to meet a group of four men. They had nearly caught up to him.
“What can I do for you?” he asked.
The last of the sun’s residue had disappeared over the labyrinth of buildings. A few struggling light bulbs that hung above nearby doorways provided their only visibility. This was a particularly bad place to face death. Perhaps in another section of town Michael might have yelled for help and elicited the aid of a pass-by, or a concerned resident. But not on the south side, where nobody wanted to call home, and those who did learned to take care of their own. There were not many shops or businesses nearby, just a Mexican restaurant, a nursing home, and a liquor store. At the end of the alley that Michael entered, a ventilation fan circulated air in the building, creating a disturbing raucous that deafened the alley’s noise. At the other end was a parking lot, where Michael left his sky blue Honda Accord over three hours ago. His meter would have expired, but it was Sunday, which meant free parking.
Three of the men quickly formed a triangle around Michael. The fourth stood at a distance watching. Michael lifted his left hand, palm out, toward the largest man, and repeated, “What can I do for you?” The three men wore sweatshirts, their hoods pulled over their heads. In the dim lighting, Michael stared into the shadow of the big one’s face. His voice was calm and strong. If he was afraid, he hid it from his attackers.
“Give me your wallet!” the leader shouted.
“I don’t have my wallet on me. I have twenty dollars.” He calmly reached into his pocket and pulled out the bill. “Here you go.”
The man snatched it out of Michael’s hand. But this gift didn’t appease him. His eyes were still angry. He had come for more than money. The triangle closed in tighter. In his peripheral vision, Michael saw the silver shine of a blade in the hand of one of the men behind him.
“Get him,” the leader commanded. He was apparently the toughest, and charged in for the first swing. His punch, aimed for Michael’s chin, struck only air. Michael slid to the side of the man and kicked him in the stomach so quickly that the man didn’t know what happened. He bent forward, gasping for breath, stunned. Michael shuffled in and cleanly punched the bent man in the side of the face, where his jaw connected to his head below the ear. The strike knocked him unconscious like switching off a desk lamp. The large man crumbled to the asphalt. As he hit the ground, the twenty-dollar bill fell from the man’s left hand, and an object dropped from his back pocket, perhaps a weapon. The other two men rushed Michael. He moved to the side of the one with the knife. The man, grunting, took a few slices at Michael, most of them missing the target. In the exchange, Michael landed a groin kick, turning the man’s grunts into a squeal. He followed the kick with a decisive palm heel strike to the man’s nose. The man dropped the knife and put both hands over his nose. Blood ran down his palms and through his fingers.
The third attacker was short and stocky. He grabbed Michael from behind and tried to throw him on the ground. But before he could gain the upper hand of leverage, Michael flung his head back, breaking that man’s nose too. Then he punctured the man with a series of elbow strikes that left him gasping for air through his mouth, since his nose was filled with his own blood.
Suddenly the motion came to a tense stillness. Michael turned around. The fourth man who had watched from a distance now stood directly in front of him, holding the gun that fell from the leader’s pocket. He pointed the gun at Michael’s chest. All eyes watched this fourth man for long moments. No one moved. Then Michael reached his hand up toward the gun, as if to receive a gift. “Thank you,” he said to the man in a warm tone. The leader began to regain consciousness and witness this strange interaction. The fourth man hesitated. If there had been more light, Michael would have been able to see the confusion in the young man’s eyes. He finally placed the gun into Michael’s outstretched palm. At this, the other three attackers ran, as best they could with their injuries, out of the alley. The fourth man wanted to run too. His mind desperately wanted to panic and flee. But something held him in place. The two silhouettes stared at each other in the dim alley. That violent street had somehow turned sacred, like a civil war battlefield after the soldiers sanctified the farmer’s land with their sacrificial blood.
“Come on,” Michael motioned to the young man. “We have a police report to make.” Michael turned and walked toward his car. The fourth attacker, as if blindly compelled, followed behind Michael. Maybe he was guilt-ridden for being a part of the attack. Maybe he was enamored by Michael’s martial skill. Maybe he was curious, or afraid. But the young man followed Michael and got into his car, against is logic and instinct for self-preservation.
They parked in front of the police station. “Wait here,” Michael finally broke the silence, then got out and shut his door. The young man watched Michael walk into the station. “Run now,” he tried to tell himself. “Steal the car, or get out of it!” But he couldn’t leave yet. Some question, something too deep to recognize, made him stay. After nearly forty-five minutes, Michael emerged from the building and walked back to the car. Before he even got the keys in the ignition, the young man blurted out, “What made you think I was going to hand over that gun to you?”
“Why did you hand it over to me?” Michael answered back. This disarmed the young man’s line of questioning. He sat, trying to regain his bearings. “Where are you headed? I’ll drop you off.”
“My car was back in that same lot where you were parked,” the young man answered. “But don’t I have to deal with the police or get fingerprinted or some shit like that?”
“Not right now.” Michael made a U-turn in the street and headed back to the lot. The two men rode in silence again until they arrived. “Is that one yours?” Michael asked, pointing to one of the few cars remaining.
“Yeah, that’s it.” Michael pulled up beside the young man’s rusty station wagon. He noticed that the back seat was filled with clothes, a suitcase, a pillow and blanket, and other personal belongings.
“Where are you staying tonight?” Michael asked.
“Wherever.”
The young man was embarrassed that Michael had so quickly figured out he lived in his car.
“Listen, you might get a ticket if you stay here overnight. Why don’t you come to my house. I’ve got a free driveway you can…”
“I’m not stupid. I know I’ll get ticketed here.” He got out of the car and held the door open for a few moments, staring down at his shoes. “How far away do you live?”
“About twenty miles,” Michael said. “I’m going to take off. You are welcome to follow me if you’d like.” With that Michael put the car in reverse and started to back away. This was a quick sign for the young man to shut the door he was leaning on and make a decision. Before Michael got out of the parking lot, he glanced in his rearview mirror to see a pair of headlights following him. They followed him all the way into his driveway.
Michael got out of his car and walked into the house without a word or glance back at his guest. The young man turned his car off and sat in the driveway with his stereo on obnoxiously loud for such a rural setting. A few minutes later the young man was startled by a tap on the passenger window. He jerked around in fear, then realize it was Michael with a plate of food. He rolled down the window.
“Leftovers. But it’s warm.” Michael handed him a plate of steaming spaghetti with a slice of garlic bread on the side, butting up against the red sauce. Then he reached in a new bottle of water. “If you want, tomorrow morning you can knock on my door around seven and we can make some breakfast.”
“Alright,” the young man mumbled, then rolled up the window. As Michael walked back toward his front door, the music stopped. The land was quiet.
By 7:00 the next morning, the sun was bright, and the birds had been singing for over an hour. By 7:30, Michael stuck his head out of the front door to find that his visitor had gone without a goodbye. Michael was alone once again in his modest country home.
It was a mild Monday morning, cooler than the day before. After cooking a small breakfast for himself, Michael spent about an hour cleaning his house, washing the dishes, and catching up on laundry. Then he threw on some hiking sandals and went out the back door, calling for his dog. He could hear her bark before he could see her. Then Gen came into view, sprinting toward Michael with playful affection. He greeted her with a bit of wrestling around, and then the two of them walked into the woods. Gen was a mixed breed, but looked most like a Doberman. She was black and sleek, and an extremely fast runner. She stayed ten steps ahead of Michael on the trail, and occasionally darted off to the left or right after a squirrel. She was fed well enough by her owner, so she didn’t want to eat the squirrels, just scare them to death.
After a nearly three-mile walk on familiar paths, Michael came to a clearing and sat at a bench near a small lake. He took a water bottle and a small book from his backpack, and sat down to read. A few gigantic clouds floated along above them, but the sky was mostly clear, as blue as the lake, and as calm. Gen sprinted around the perimeter of the lake once, as if in a dog race, then charged into the water. She was as good of a swimmer as she was a runner. But after ten minutes of playing by herself, she grew impatient. Her barks signaled that she wanted Michael to join her. He looked up, smiled, and turned back to his pages. Her barks grew more insistent.
“Not right now, hold on a minute,” Michael called from the bench.
Gen would not wait. She ran, waterlogged, up to Michael and set her head on his lap.
“Okay, let’s go!” He set the book down, threw off his shirt and shoes, and raced his dog to the water’s edge.

One week later, on Monday morning, Michael heard a knock on his front door. He was a little surprised to see a stranger through the peephole.
He opened the door and smiled inquisitively, “What can I do for you?” The young man in front of him did not speak. He seemed to be struggling to find the right thing to say. And he had something in his hands.
“Here you go.” He held out the plate toward Michael.
“You even cleaned it,” he said jokingly, now recognizing the visitor.
“Yeah.”
“Well, you’re a little late for breakfast, but you can come in if you’d like.” Michael opened the door a little further.
“About a week late, you mean.” The young man came in, and followed Michael’s invitation to have a seat at the table.
“Can I get you something to eat?” He asked.
“No, you don’t have to do that.” The young man looked down at his shoes.
“How about eggs?” Michael did not wait for a reply, but began cracking four eggs on the counter and plopping them into a skillet. “So how have you been?” Michael spoke as if they were old friends who had not seen each other in a year. His question was met with prolonged silence. Michael did not seem to mind. He continued cooking.
Finally, the young man erupted somewhat insistently, “Why did you think I would give you the gun?”
“Why did you give it to me?”
“Why won’t you just fuckin’ answer the question?”
“Why don’t you ask the real question?” Michael stopped cooking and looked the young man in the eyes. They exchanged stares for only seconds, then the young man went back to looking at his shoes.
“So, are you some kind of martial arts master?”
“Nope,” Michael replied. “I do have a sixth degree black belt in one art, and am proficient in a couple others.”
“So that’s why you were able to kick their asses.”
“Can you please help me set the table? The glasses are in that cabinet right there.” Michael pointed with one hand, stirred eggs with the other.
“Oh, yeah.” The young man got up quickly. “Which one has the silverware?” Michael pointed again. “Thanks.”
Conversation was merely functional as they set the table, ate, and then cleaned up. After the last dish was dry, the young man felt awkward, like he should leave. He had already intruded on a stranger’s breakfast, seven days later than he was invited, after being a part of a violent assault against him. They both walked toward the door, but Michael put on his sandals. “I’m going for a walk in the woods. Would you like to join me?”
“What, now? It’s Monday morning. Don’t you work?” The young man snapped back.
“I work, but not on Mondays,” Michael replied.
“Who gets off Mondays?”
“I do,” Michael smiled and walked out the front door, leaving the young man in the entryway.
After a few steps, the young man had caught up to Michael’s pace. “Where are we going? Is all this land yours?” Just then Gen attacked from behind. She ran to Michael expecting attention.
“Is she safe?” the young man asked, trying not to look as timid as he felt.
“She’s safe if you’re safe,” Michael said, rubbing her on both sides of the head. “Gen, this is…” He looked up at the young man. “Actually, I don’t know your name.”
“It’s Griff. I mean, my first name is Peter, but my last name is Griffin, so most people call me Griff.” He quickly regretted giving Michael that much information, fearing that he may still report it to the police.
“I’m Michael, and this is my dog Gen.”
“Hi Jen,” Griff reached down and slowly stroked the top of her head. “Jen—that’s kind of a weird name for a dog isn’t it?”
Michael half-laughed. “It’s short for General. She’s in charge of the house when I’m gone. She keeps the place in line.”
“Doesn’t seem like you of all people would need much of a ‘guard dog’ though,” Griff joked.
The two men walked through the woods for about an hour. They walked side by side, except when the path narrowed, then Michael led the way. They talked a little, about trees and squirrels and the property. But mostly they were silent. The longer the silence remained, the less awkward it became. It was a strange comfort that Griff had never experienced before. He was so unsure of what to say, but did not feel he had to break the silence. In the silence he felt accepted.
When they returned back to the house, Griff said he’d better go. He muttered something about not wanting to be late for work. Before he drove away, Michael invited him back the following Monday for breakfast.
“I don’t know, we’ll see. Thanks for breakfast. Later.” Griff sped off in his overcrowded Station wagon.
The following Monday, at exactly the same time as before, Griff knocked on Michael’s door. And then the next Monday, and the next. They followed the same routine each week. Eggs for breakfast. Michael cooked and Griff manned the dishes. Then they took a walk with Gen. Gradually, the walks grew into two hours, then three. Michael had a lot of land, and Griff was eager to explore a little bit more of it each week. Their conversation ebbed and flowed, but was mostly an inordinate amount of silence. When they did speak, it was about common things—the weather, jokes, Gen, or what happened the past week. Griff felt that he knew Michael well, but it was not because of their conversation. He didn’t really know much about Michael, but he thought that he knew the man anyway. It was hard for him to describe, even in his inner thoughts. Finally, one day Griff broke the superficial ice.
“Michael, will you train me?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, will you train me? I’ve always wanted to learn the martial arts, and now I finally know a real master, and… I mean I can’t pay you that much, but I can do something…”
Michael interrupted. “I don’t teach martial arts.” He paused. “I train warriors.”
Griff stopped walking, but Michael kept going. There was a sternness in his voice that Griff had never encountered before. It was as if he’d struck a deep chord, a bass note that vibrated deep within Michael’s soul. Griff was almost afraid to follow. But he did.
“What do you mean you train warriors?” He asked Michael in a shy voice. “Are you in the military or something?” He paused. “Are you a General? Is that why you named your dog…”
“No.” Michael’s countenance lightened. “I’m not in the military. I’m a pastor.”
“What!” Griff laughed. “You’ve gotta be fuckin kidding me…” He bit his lip, regretting his choice of words. “I mean, you can’t be a pastor.”
Now Michael was really amused. “Why not, Griff?” He couldn’t hold back laughter.
Now Griff was outright laughing too. “Because you can kick some serious … Are you really a pastor?”
Michael nodded his head.
“Well, it looks like I’m going to hell then,” Griff said sarcastically, with a hint of serious concern.
“Why do you say that Griff?”
“Because I assaulted a pastor,” he said.
“No you didn’t,” Michael said.
“Okay then, I was a part of a group of guys that assaulted a pastor. But the pastor kicked our butts. God has to take that into consideration,” Griff resumed his sarcastic tone. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a pastor?”
Michael said, “Why should I have?”
Griff’s face showed frustration. “Do you ever not answer a question with another question?”
Michael paused, then smiled at Griff, trying to resist the temptation to answer his question with another question.
“No,” he said with a smirk.
“But you just answered that question with a non-question… Anyway, what did you mean about not teaching martial arts?” Griff asked again.
“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to answer that question with another question. Is that okay with you Griff?” Michael asked.
“Alright, fine.”
“Why do you want me to train you?”
Griff thought for a moment before responding. “Basically because I want to be able to fight like you.”
“Is that it?” Michael pressed.
“No…” Griff didn’t know what other reasons he had, but he knew his first answer wasn’t good enough. “I guess I also want to grow as a person.”
“Griff, do you really have a job?” Michael asked.
“No, I lied about that. I mean, I sometimes work with a friend of mine doing construction and carpentry, but it’s not regular. And that day I said I had to get to work… I didn’t.” Griff looked at the ground.
Michael kept questioning, “Where do you live? In your car?”
“Yeah,” Griff said, still embarrassed.
“Alright, I have an idea. I’ve got that decent sized shed behind my house. You can fix it up and make it livable and stay there for a while. That will be free housing and some free meals, until you can find regular work. And we will talk more about your warrior training.”

That first night, Griff slept out in the cluttered shed. The floor was hard, and he was slightly cold because he only drug in one blanket from his car. The place was terribly dusty, and smelled of a combination of must and oil. “This is hardly an upgrade from my car,” Griff told himself as he tried to doze off to sleep. The crickets serenaded the forest animals that night, but Griff was used to falling asleep to the sound of cars revving and distant music. It seemed that nature housed just as many nocturnal creatures as the city did. When rest finally fell on him, it was routinely interrupted by the need to shift positions, resituate the blanket over his feet, or sneeze from dust inhalation.
The shed had three windows, and all of them were letting the sunlight pour in the next morning. The light, combined with a stiff back, was motivation enough for Griff to wake up early and knock on Michael’s door. No one answered, so he knocked again, then stretched both arms above his head, yawning. “Michael!” he shouted. No response. Griff tried the front door and found it unlocked. “Michael,” he called as he poked his head through the door. “You there?” He began to search the rooms. “Michael, are you…” He noticed a sheet of notebook paper on the kitchen table. It read,

Morning Griff,
I’m probably at work by the time you’re reading this. Help yourself to breakfast. Here is a list of work you can do on your “cabin” today.
1. Open the windows to get some fresh air moving in there.
2. Move everything you don’t want in the cabin into the garage, and move anything you do want from the garage into the cabin.
3. Before you move anything new in, sweep the floor and the two lofts. Find some rags and cleaner for the windows. You can use the same rags to dust.
4. Carry in the pieces of the wood-burning stove. Everything is in the garage—a set of about 30 bricks, the stove, and three or four pieces for the chimney. You will need to cut a hole in the cabin for the chimney top. Since you’ve done carpentry before, I’m sure you can figure it out, and how to do it so it won’t leak rain. If you don’t, you’ll have a wet cabin.
5. You can find a way to lock the cabin from the inside, if you want, for your privacy.
I will be back around 6:00. Feel free to have dinner ready.
—Michael

Griff ate a bowl of cereal and then began to explore the house. “This guy must either trust me a lot of be stupid to leave his doors unlocked all the time,” Griff muttered to himself. I wonder if he has anything valuable in here?” As soon as the words came out of his mouth he felt guilty. He had no intention of stealing from Michael, and he felt bad even talking about it.
The kitchen was small and simple, as was the whole house. It opened up directly into the small dining area, which held an old but well kept oak table that comfortable seated four. Three of the original wood chairs were still around the table. One of them was replaced by a metal folding chair. There were no barriers in between the dining area and the living room. It housed a couch, two reclining chairs, and a coffee table. There was no overhead light in the living room, just a tall lamp near each of the chairs and couch. Griff noticed, to his disappointment but not surprise, that there was no television in sight. “Maybe he just watches the view,” Griff thought to himself as he looked out the array of large windows that let him view the forest from any part of the kitchen to living room. The house was a rectangle, and he had already seen one of the long sides. He walked into Michael’s bedroom just to have a quick peek. It was as he expected. The bed was made neatly. It was a queen-sized bed. There was a large bookshelf filled with books, and a seemingly large closet that was cracked open so slightly that Griff couldn’t see anything inside. Next he moved to the middle of the house, where there were two doors. The first one was the bathroom, which he had used before. The other one was the basement. Griff only poked his head in and looked down. It was too dark to notice anything. The final door was closed. He opened it and found another bedroom. “A spare room? Why didn’t he just let me sleep in here?”
The house was simply decorated, and clean for a single guy, Griff thought. It’s not as if he did it consciously, but every artifact from Michael’s house made Griff wonder about the man’s life. How old is he actually? Why is he single? Maybe he’s a priest—they can’t marry. But no, he didn’t say priest, he said pastor. Where is his family? For all of the time they spent talking, Griff realized that he hadn’t done much listening, or much asking. Now he wondered to himself. Where did he get those scroll paintings on the wall? They look Asian. Hmmm. They’re a painting of the same mountain scene in four different seasons. And what about this basket on the coffee table. It was filled with real fruit. It seems too unrefined, like it was hand-made. It looks African. Griff did a second scan through all the rooms. “This doesn’t look like the house of a ninja,” he whispered. He wondered if there were weapons or martial arts videos or guns hidden somewhere in a secret compartment. Other than its functional simplicity, and intentional beauty, there was nothing out of the ordinary about the place.
Emptying out the shed was a more challenging task than Griff anticipated. He estimated the job to take about half an hour. It took two hours before it was clean enough to bring in a broom. “Oh, I forgot the windows.” Griff leaned the broom against the wall and pried open all three of the windows, one on each wall. The fourth wall of the shed was the front and only door, which was sprawled wide open. Griff felt a refreshing cross breeze. The shed was starting to feel more like a cabin now. It was barren. The floor space was big enough that he did not feel claustrophobic. There were two small lofts, one in the front and one in the back of the cabin. They were big enough to sleep two grown men each, maybe three, but that would have been a tight squeeze. Griff envisioned here he would put a chair or two, a small table, and a TV. He knew the TV was probably a pipe dream, but he dreamed it while he could.
The dusting also took longer than expected. It was difficult to breath while he worked. Griff’s frustration grew as the dust clouds mounted, until he finally blew out a puff of air and stormed out the front door. “What am I, Daniel-son?” He said sarcastically to himself. “I come out here to want to be trained, and next thing I know I’m sweeping floors. What’s next, wax on wax off?” Griff found his own venting amusing. “Alright, the difference is I actually get to live in this piece of… Hey Gen!” The dog came running. “Come here girl.” Griff bent down and clapped as she closed in the distance. “How you doing, huh girl?” He rubbed both sides of her head, like Michael did. “You wanna help me finish up this ‘training exercise’ before I gotta go make dinner?” And Gen did help. She hung around the cabin with Griff for the rest of the day, providing company and someone to talk to.
Griff pulled the list out from his pocket. It was nearly five o’clock, and he had completed the first four things on the list. “I better start making dinner, huh Gen.” He decided that if Michael left his house unlocked, he could probably forego creating a door-lock for now.
By the time Michael pulled in the driveway, Griff had a frozen pizza ready for dinner. It was on the table before Michael stepped foot in the house.
Before he ate, Michael bowed his head silently. After he was finished, Griff asked, “Hey why didn’t you pray at the other meals?”
“I did, Griff. Maybe you didn’t notice,” he answered.
“Well,” Griff took on a slightly defensive tone, “I’m cool with you praying but I just want you to know that I’m not into that stuff. I mean, I grew up in a Methodist church ‘til I was about fourteen, then I quit going. I believe in God and everything, but… I’m not into organized religion.”
“Well good, we have that in common,” Michael said with a half-smile.
“But you’re a pastor.” Griff looked confused.
“And…?”
“Well isn’t organized religion your job?” Griff asked.
“No, not really. My job is to join God in loving and caring for people. That can take a lot of different forms, but that’s basically the mission. My job is about helping people find God, grow in him, and be who they were created to be,” Michael finished and went back to his pizza.
“When do we start my training?” Griff felt uncomfortable with the religion discussion, especially since he didn’t understand where Michael was going with it.
“Griff, first I need to know that you are serious. Don’t worry, we’ll get to it.”
“Well can I be getting ready, jogging or something?” He asked.
“Every moment of training is life, and every moment of life is training,” Michael answered.
“I don’t get it,” Griff said.
“You will, don’t worry. Is there anything else you need tonight for the cabin?”
“Yeah, actually, I would like a mattress. Do you have a spare?” Griff already knew there was a spare bed in the spare bedroom.
“Sure, you can pull the mattress off the bed in the spare bedroom,” Michael said, pointing to the bedroom.
“And is it possible to get an extension cord so I can plug in my cell phone?” Griff requested.
“Yeah. There’s one in the garage in the corner cabinet, and a plug there near the garage window. I think it will reach out to the cabin.” Michael was finished eating now.
“Thanks.”
“Any more construction jobs lined up soon, Griff?”
“Not yet.” With that he walked outside and went into his cabin, waiting several long and boring hours until he was tired enough to fall asleep.

By the time Griff woke up the next morning, Michael was gone again. But this time there was no note on the table. Griff took this as a prime opportunity to explore the forest. He grabbed breakfast, then went outside calling for Gen. It took her about five minutes to show up, but when she did the two of them walked excitedly to the trailhead.
Griff was out all day, skipping lunch to push a little deeper in to the forest he had not yet discovered a boundary for. He took a mid-afternoon swim with the dog in the lake, and made it home just in time to prepare dinner by six. This was how the next several days went on. Each morning that Griff got up, he thought he would be bored. But each day of exploration proved to be too short. He became good friends with Gen. Her baritone bark became a familiar conversation partner, and her constant joy in each moment made Griff feel alive in whatever they were doing. Gen never got tired of sprinting after a squirrel, running headlong into the lake, or being stroked on the head. The routine of pioneering through the forest with his canine companion, followed by dinnertime talks with Michael, sanded away the rough adult that Griff was becoming and made him feel like a child again. He began to love the translucent green leaves that shielded his path from the sun. He breathed deeply the smells of the forest. It was a scent he never noticed, and could not describe. He developed a deep appreciation for the cacophony of noises that nature produced. It reminded him that he was not alone. Often on his walks he would spot a deer, or Gen would spot it first, and everyone would freeze. Griff and the deer would stare down for a few brief seconds that felt like hours. Finally Gen would shatter the silence with fierce barks and chase the deer off into the distance. Freedom marked those days in the woods, and his nights were more sound and deep.
Griff awoke suddenly to a knock at his front door. “Who is it?” he called out, half asleep and disoriented. As soon as the words left his lips, he realized it was a foolish question.
“It’s Michael,” a voice replied.
Griff rolled out of bed and opened the door. “What time is it Michael?” he asked.
“Get dressed and meet me outside.” Michael walked away as Griff pulled on a pair of jeans.
Griff stepped out into the black of evening, figuring that it must be around midnight, with a three-quarter moon shining brightly above them. He got into Michael’s car, rubbing his eyes, trying to wake up.
“Where are we going?” He asked again. Michael was silent. Their drive, a short three miles, remained a silent one. They pulled into a parking lot beside a church building. This must be Michael’s church, Griff thought to himself. What are we doing here in the middle of the night? Griff grew anxious.
Michael got out of the car and motioned for Griff to follow him. The two of them walked past the church and over a small ravine. A hundred yards or so away from the church building was a row of objects. As they moved closer, Griff realized it was a cemetery, surprisingly large compared to the size of the church. Michael led them into the middle of the gravestones.
They stood in silence, facing each other, for several seconds. Michael’s expression said that something significant was at work. Griff waited.
“These men and women and children died and were buried here in this dirt.” Michael spoke with a solemn confidence. “One day you too will die, Peter.”
The sound of his first name disoriented Griff. He felt off balance and vulnerable.
Michael continued, “Stay here and meditate on this until I return for you.”
Michael turned around and walked back to the car. In the distance Griff could see the headlights turn on and drive away until they vanished in the darkness.
Griff stood alone, with a three-quarter moon to illumine his fellowship with the field of dead bodies.
Long moments passed. Griff’s sleepiness was gone. It was replaced by angst, fear, uncertainty. Meditate on his own death? The hours of standing there, the only living one among the dead, was at first spooky to Griff. But as the night passed, the fear penetrated deeper into his soul, until it made his breathing heavy and his senses numbed. Alone, he stood among the gravestones and contemplated when one day he would lay below them.

Griff heard a noise in the distance. He squinted to see what it was. The sound of footsteps. Someone was walking by. No, someone was coming. The invisible stranger approached. Griff’s body tensed. Like the deer he frequently saw in the forest, he instinctually thought that if he remained still, maybe he would go unseen. But the figure now stood in front of Griff.
“Are you ready to go home now?” It was the familiar sound of Michael’s voice. Griff let out a deep sigh and his muscles relaxed. Griff followed as Michael led them back to the road. Each step they took, every scrape of shoe on asphault, every small pebble that was kicked and bounced along the ground, was somehow solemn and slow. Griff did not feel sleepy, even though his body was tired and his emotional energy was spent. He was aware. He saw the shadowed shapes of the trees outlined in moonlight as if it was the first thing he’d ever seen. He felt the solemn weight of another human being, Michael, walking beside him, pressing on his soul. He heard the song that the slight breeze carried, a painful reminiscent melody. He felt alive. Strange—feeling alive after spending all night in a graveyard contemplating his own death. They reached the house without speaking a word. There was no need for words. The power of the moment, the presence of truth—simply life and death—filled the empty space. Michael walked into his house, Griff to his cabin. And they went back to bed.
To his own surprise, Griff woke up early the next morning. He was out of bed by 6:00 AM, just in time to see Michael coming to get him. Maybe he wasn’t in the graveyard as long as he thought he was last night.
“Griff, let’s go, we’re going to go for a run!” Michael began a short pre-stretch routine, which Griff mimicked. Then they began their run on the road. “What happened last night, Griff?” Michael started.
Griff knew what Michael was getting at, and for the first time, had no sarcastic reply. He thought slowly, and spoke from the heart. After a few moments, both of them still jogging, he answered.
“I looked death in the face.” He paused and re-imagined the experience. “My body felt thin and feather-light. I thought of what it would be like to have no life left in it, to be laid beneath the dirt. I had to let go of everything, whether I wanted to or not.”
They jogged.
“At first my mind didn’t want to think about dying. I avoided it for a long time. Then I got really scared. But eventually, the fear faded away and I just realized it was going to happen no matter what I did. Then I didn’t really feel afraid. I felt kind of…” he hesitated, searching for the right word…. “alone. Like life didn’t have much of a purpose.”
Michael honored Griff’s words by holding them in silence as they ran. When they hit the two mile mark, Michael replied. “So where do you find purpose, Griff? Where do you find your power, that’s big enough to transcend death?”
After a few moments, he said, “I don’t know.” By now both of them were breathing in rhythm with their steps, Griff more tired than Michael, but trying not to show it. “Michael, where do you find your power?”
“God, Griff, God.”
Griff felt himself getting defensive. Was this going to turn into a sermon? He didn’t want to be converted, he asked to be trained. He looked over at Michael, and decided to hold his skepticism at bay for a moment. Griff knew that Michael was real. He spoke from the heart, Griff could sense that. Whether or not he was misguided, he was genuine. And he was a martial arts master, so Griff decided to investigate further.
“What does God have to do with my martial arts training?”
Michael answered, “I’m not training you in the martial arts, I’m training you to be a warrior. And God is the foundation of all of it. Just think, you face your death alone, without God, what do you have? Death. You are going to die. And in the brief time before you die, you are going to try to grasp for something that can give you a sense of meaning or power. You might try to become a great fighter so you can feel more powerful than others. If you can beat them up, even kill them, they can’t kill you, and you’ve beaten death for a day. So you spend your moments training to be a fighter. But there are no guarantees. Even the world’s best fighter might lose to cancer, or a car crash… or old age. No matter what you strive to achieve, it is never going to give you true power or security.” Michael’s words were hitting Griff like lightning. “There’s only one person in history that has had the power to beat death.”
“Jesus?” Griff asked.
“Yeah.”
Griff’s wheels were turning hard. “But everyone else, even the people who believe in Jesus, still die. What difference does it make.”
“Die, yes, but we are not defeated by death. In other words, death is not the end of the story. Like our Master, we die and then find new life. And besides, the point is not death, the point is life. I don’t follow Jesus just because I’m scared of dying and going to hell. Following Jesus is the way of life that is most true, most real, most gratifying.”
They reached the graveyard. Griff had not paid attention to where they were going, and didn’t recognize the route from last night because it was so dark. The two of them walked to the place where Griff stood under the moon only several hours ago.
“Some day you will be buried in a place like this. The question for your life is—who are you living for? And the question for your warriorship is—what are you fighting for? If you live for yourself, and fight for your survival, it is a small and egocentric war that may have its high points but will end up here. If you want to be a great fighter so you can send other people to the grave early, what good does that do in the world? But if you align yourself to a greater mission, the mission of God, you are part of an unending movement for good and love in the world. Your life and your story don’t end here with an epithet carved in stone. Your battles are in service to a great Warrior that will some day conquer all evil.”
Griff interrupted, “Now you’re talking about religion. Loving your neighbor. Turning the other cheek. I see your point, but how does this have anything to do with being a warrior. I mean, Jesus was a pacifist, and that got him killed. That’s one of the reasons I never liked church. It never dealt with the real stuff. I mean, go live on the streets for a while. Kids get beat up in school. The streets aren’t safe. You can’t tell me to go love my neighbor who might pull out a gun and blow my brains out or go respect my parents who could beat me to death with a baseball bat.”
“Jesus was a warrior!” Michael’s words stunned Griff, and he waited for more. “Jesus was not a coward and he did not lay down and get stepped on by evil.”
“Well then why did he get killed…”
“What do you want, Griff? What do you want? Do you want a God who always and only and ever beats the hell out of the bad guys and sends them to burn in hell? Do you want to live in a world whose only mode of operation is power and force? If God were that kind of fighter, what would your fate be? Would you deserve to be unharmed? Would any of us? What do you want? Do you want power over others so you can punish them, so you can decide what is right and just and bring down the hammer on your enemies?” He paused, his tone softening. “Or would you want a God that can change your heart, and make it good? Jesus showed us how to be warriors, Griff. He faced evil with courage and love. You can’t just kill violence by killing the violent. God cares about each of us, even the worst of us. He wants to change people from the inside out. Yeah, you can take a gun and blow another guy away. But only God has the power to bring peace. Can’t you see this? God’s mission is not to be stronger than the strongest person, it’s to change people from hateful, angry, lonely, violent, selfish individuals into a loving family.”
Loving family. Griff put both of his hands over his face. Can I ever believe in loving family, he asked himself? What do I want? Is God really like Michael says he is? Griff was shaken by the impact of these words. His heart was heavy, and he spoke in almost a whisper.
“So are you saying that violence is wrong?”
“I am saying,” Michael replied, “that as God’s warriors, our goal is to cultivate peace and love. Violence is a reality in the world. We can’t ignore it, we can’t avoid it, we can’t ‘defeat’ it. No matter what we do, we will have some kind of relationship to violence. I don’t have an ‘official position on violence,’ Griff. It’s a regrettable fact of our imperfect human existence. Sometimes, when the sacred is being threatened, I may use violence to defend it, if it is the best way.”
“Like if your wife was being attacked,” Griff added. Then he wondered if that was a bad example because he didn’t know if Michael was married, or had ever been married. Maybe it was a sore subject.
“Right, like if my wife was being attacked. I don’t think it would be loving to not defend her, even if the only means of stopping the attacker was to kill him. But I would never speak of my martial ability with pride, always confession.” Michael ran his hands over the top of one of the gravestones.
“What do you mean by ‘confession’?” Griff asked.
“I mean…” Michael stopped abruptly and looked down at his watch. “Sorry Griff, we gotta get back. It’s getting late and I have to be at the church soon.”
The two of them jogged the three miles back to the house. Griff admired Michael’s endurance, and felt a little embarrassed that he couldn’t keep up toward the end and had to walk some of it. It was Sunday morning, Griff had hardly noticed how quickly the week passed. Michael invited him to come to church, but Griff quietly denied the invitation.
“I think I’ll take a walk with Gen,” he said.
“Okay, have a good morning.” Michael headed out to go back to the church.

A fog of beauty and wonder shrouded the rest of those summer days. Griff continued to live in the small cabin on Michael’s property. Week by week, he made gradual improvements to his new house. His first step toward interior decoration was hanging a painting that he himself created. It was a nostalgic realism depiction of Gen standing at the edge of the lake, her paws immersed, with her tongue hanging out in mid-pant. The skies were blue and the water was evidently cool and clean. These were the kind of days Griff experienced that summer. Somehow the simplicity was sanctifying. He was bored for the first few weeks, and repeatedly escaped to his ipod, or cell phone to text friends unnecessary messages. But soon a walk among the trees was stimulation enough, and the sound of the wind on their leafy roof was more beautiful than the incessant pounding of the rappers’ voices he had filled his mind with before.
At Michael’s request, Griff began paying a small rent for his use of the cottage. It was a unreasonably low fee, but it still meant that Griff would need regular employment. His job search quickly unearthed three guaranteed positions: fast food, unloading trucks from a dock, or working at a lumber yard. Griff took the lumber yard. He was mostly responsible for moving things. He wondered nearly every week why, with the inventions of such high-tech machinery, people spent so much of their time moving things around. He mainly had to stack lumber, count it, and sell it. The business also sold live plants, so Griff eventually began to work with caring for the plants. The work was not particularly fulfilling. But he felt a deep good, that he couldn’t put words to, at the end of each day of working hard and getting paid for it. It wasn’t a difficult task. It required no special education or skills. But it was valuable. He was helping someone—providing a basic service. And his cost was enough to cover the rent.
Griff’s greater interest, however, was training. The path of the warrior was not as Griff expected, but it carried more weight of intrigue and worth than he had imagined. Michael trained Griff every weekday morning from 5-7 AM. Within a month Michael had coached Griff into great shape. He was faster and stronger than he had ever been. Michael taught Griff how to fight, how to avoid a fight, how to verbally disarm an angry person, how to kill, how to heal, how to defend against a gun and knife, how to use improvisational materials as weapons, how to meditate, how to control emotional responses to stress, how to open up and use all of his senses, and how to listen to his instincts. These were the kinds of lessons that every diligent student is dying to learn, and that every teacher wants to pass on if he could find the right student. As the days passed, Griff proved himself to Michael. It was not in his ability, but his humility. It was not in his skill alone, but the fact that he kept showing up. The more Michael could trust Griff, the deeper the training became. Michael had no magic techniques or death touches, only the true heart of a warrior. In fact, Griff was surprised that the path Michael led him on was incredibly ordinary. He somehow expected mythic adventure, but found himself in front of the sink doing the dishes as an integral part of his training. He had fantasies of flying spin-kicks, but they spent more time on posture and present-mindedness. Whatever Griff learned that summer, it was between him and Michael alone. To rip it out of context, to try to cut and paste it into a curriculum, to sell it in the storefront, would be like capturing a wild lion and throwing him in a cage and charging fifty cents to hear him roar.
With the changing of the leaves, Michael helped Griff see that another season of life was emerging for them as well. They continued their training, but Griff felt it was time to enroll in college courses. He started with a half-time semester and kept his lumber job on a more part-time basis. After completing the required introductory courses, Griff began to hone is major area of interest. It was in his first criminal justice course that he fell in love. Her name was Jen.
Griff never went to church with Michael, at least not that first year. But he did always wonder where Michael went every Sunday evening. So one day Griff accompanied Michael on his weekly trip to the bad part of town. This was one of his best decisions, the beginning of his uphill climb.

Summer Reflection 2009

2009-08-20T15:22:00.000-07:00

I’ve learned a lot from working where I work as well:

· STORY. Pastor Karen modeled the importance of taking time to get to know each person’s story when you’re in a new group. This individual expression and valuing the person’s life, showing them respect, cannot be skipped over to start the “task”.
· SHARING FOOD. Karen also has a great habit of ordering food a lot, and having meals together with the people she works with. This builds real relationships and is a wonderful way of bonding, and forming real friendships and ministry partnerships, not just co-worker type chats. Most of the time, the food is paid for by the church, which I think is a truly worth-while expenditure.
· ADDRESSING CONFLICT. Contrary to some of my previous thoughts, interpersonal conflict should be addressed right away, as a way of showing love and valuing the relationship. The best way to do this is
1. Go to the person alone first. If the person is unresponsive or there is no healing…
2. Go to the person with one or two other believers. If still fails..
3. Bring it before the church, and submit to their decision.
The WAY of addressing the conflict should be as follows:
1. Affirm your care for and love for the person.
2. Address that there is a conflict that you would like to discuss so that you can move forward to a healthier relationship.
3. Explain how you FEEL, OBSERVING the specific actions/words of the other person that are connected with your feelings, describe what you NEED from the person, and then make a specific REQUEST of that person.
4. Re-affirm your appreciation for the person, and their willingness to dialogue with you and care for your relationship.
I even did this this summer with Paul, about an old hurt, and it went really well.
· BE WITH THE PEOPLE. Karen is with the people. I always see her around the crowd. She’s not a pastor who seems to have “better things to do” than be with people. Even in insignificant tasks, she is there and serving. I greatly admire this. (I wonder about the behind the scenes aspects, and time management…. can you always be with the people and still get the prep work done in a 40 hour work week?)
· TEAM MODEL. Everyone working at the church and Get SET is a part of a team. There is mutual investment, shared responsibility, everyone’s imput is valued, each person brings unique gifts and ministry potential to the mix. There is functional hierarchy, but not qualitative. There is also a positive energy, optimism about the work, clarity and constant reclarification of the mission and goals, and support for team members, time to walk and cool off, and an environment of mutual growth and encouragement, not competition.
· INDIVIDUAL GIFTS. Instead of creating a program and filling people into slots, this ministry draws on the individual gifts, talents, and passions of the team members to create a program that utilizes those gifts. This was demonstrated in my ability to teach TaeKwonDo, and also the church’s strong effort to host the Women’s Self-Defense Seminar, mainly because it was a passion of my heart. They went to a lot of work to make it happen, and nobody was paid for the event. But it meant a lot to me in terms of valuing my dreams and seeing my talents utilized for the good of the community. At times, people will have to do work that they don’t enjoy, or are not fit for, but more often the team leader should seek out the interests and talents of the people and help them find the most invigorating and satisfying place for them to serve.
· DISCERNMENT. Discernment is a matter of making decisions based on which one will help you further become the person that God is calling you to be. So it’s not a pro’s and con’s list based on money, benefits, hours, etc, but it’s truly seeking God’s will according to his calling on your life. This outweighs the other factors. I definitely discerned the right position for this summer, as opposed to the YWCA job, even though that one paid more.
· EMPATHIC LISTENING. Karen modeled true active listening skills. She gave the person who was talking her full attention. She really valued and cared about what they were saying, she gave affirmative body language (head nods, “Yes!”, eye contact). She sincerely was engaged with each person who spoke to her, and did not rush them. This is a truly vital pastoral skill, and challenging to develop. I want to do it though.
· FOLLOW-THROUGH. If a good idea is mentioned, it doesn’t fall through to the cracks. It is turned into a goal and implemented in a realistic way, with full effort and support to ensure it’s success. This was demonstrated in my women’s self-defense seminar, where I didn’t push to make it happen, but I mentioned it, and then we set a date on the calendar, and others did the advertising, recruiting, calling, set-up, child-care, preparation, etc to make it actually be a successful event.
· TEACHING ENVIRONMENT. The church and Get SET were an environment conducive to personal and communal growth. Part of the goal of every program was that the leaders/volunteers involved would grow personally. This meant that the entire working environment was a safe place to be yourself, to explore your interests and abilities, to fail, to try again, to be confronted, to confront others, to research, to have time and resources to risk trying a new thing, to dream big and believe hard, to work hard, to learn something from everyone, to not allow hierarchy, competition, or power plays. I loved the freedom of this environment to explore myself, to utilize my gifts, to reflect on what went well and what didn’t, and to ultimately have a communal expectation that we are all in this to grow and learn. (not to judge each other, keep record of failings, and to prove who is better).
· REFLECTION. This was also called De-briefing. At the end of every day we spent 30 minutes as a whole group asking several questions:
1. What went well today.
2. What could have gone better?
3. Why should we do this again tomorrow?
4. Then we ended each day by giving our “one word” summary of the day, and then Alex read it all in a row. “We had a great, hot, chocolate, recreation, paint…. day 18 of Get SET!” This activity was a way to include everyone’s individual experience and voice, and then to bring it together in a way of communally concluding the day.
Other variants of the questions included
--What did you learn today?
--What was a highlight moment for you?
--How was art class… (other specific event)?
· NOTE TAKING. Alex took great notes at every meeting, and saved them in a binder that is used as a resource for the following year.
· BINDER. After every year’s events, a 3-ring binder was kept as a resource for the following year. Important documents were downloaded onto a cd, which was also stored with the binder. Things included in the binder were:
Names of people on the team
Dates and times, other 5 W’s info
Registration forms/release forms
Notes from each meeting
Contacts in the community and their info
Budget, expenses, receipts
Task and Activity Lists
Field Trips
Incidents and reports
Evaluation Forms /Feedback
Covenant, Rules Expectations
· COMMUNITY EXPOSURE. This was frequently getting the newspaper to take shots of the program, running articles, getting publicity. This served the purpose of making the kids feel important, advertising the positive programs that are in Trenton, gaining sponsorships, and recruiting more staff and students. I want to take this into my ministries in the future…. get press J
· CELEBRATION. At the end of the program, we had a celebration and awards ceremony for the kids. They got certificates with their name and picture on each one that was a specific award just for them. (“Lego King” award, or “Most Athletic”) Then we also had a party with special snacks and presentations of their art and drama, etc.
Also, somewhere in the middle of the camp, Angela noticed that the teens and staff were having a rough day, and she impromptu bought everybody coffee, donuts, fruit, as a way of celebrating their work and giving them a rest! Periodic celebration (with tangible expressions/gifts/food) is very effective in boosting morale and remotivating people toward their mission.
· FUNDING. Alex and Karen and Angela worked hard to get grants and funding for the programs. It was so nice to be able to purchase materials without worrying too much about the funding. We actually had money to obtain necessary resources. This allows you to dream bigger, and not waste all your energy on how much money you have. Purchasing the right equipment is also a huge morale booster to the program.
· TEENAGE HELPERS. Recruiting teenage help is inexpensive and great. They are able to invest a lot of time, they appreciate the money (which is often much less than what you’d give to adults), and they have lots of energy, and they are able to do lots of tasks. TRAINING the teenagers was crucial, which was the purpose of TTLC. This training served the purposes of:
1. Developing relationships and trust
2. Creating positive synergy
3. Setting expectations (covenant)
4. Leadership training
5. Work ethic
6. Building Teamwork
7. Teaching specific skills (i.e. how to work with children, how to lead a group game)
8. Giving the a certificate of completion (credentials and celebration)
A Teen Leadership Training is a great idea in any area. We accomplished this in 4-5 days, which included:
1. Introductions and get to know you games (yarn, name + adj., share your story, all about you poster, small groups)
2. Covenant, expectations (drawing rules and expectations out of the kids first… then also having a printed out sheet to give to each one of them for them to sign about the expectations of this relationship.. and if they break the covenant they are essentially removing themselves from the group, not being “fired” or kicked out.)
3. Leadership training. (Small groups working on questions like “What does it mean to be a leader… a Follower? Who are good leaders in the public eye? .. that you know personally? What qualities make a good leader? Bad leader? ) Then Practicing leadership…. giving each person a chance to lead something.
4. Personality and Team work training (4-H, True Colors personality workshop, ropes course, team building games)
5. Job skills, specific skills (give them research materials and have them do presentations to the group)
6. Communication and conflict resolution skills (bring in an expert to teach this, do drama and role-playing,
· TRAIN LEADERS. I realized that it’s the head leader’s job to train the other leaders under him. You are responsible for ensuring their readiness to succeed, then let them do the work to actually succeed. Your job is EQUIPPING THEM. Their job is to ensure that 1. THE TASK IS ACCOMPLISHED WELL, and 2. THAT PEOPLE ARE TAKEN CARE OF. So the leader’s job is about PROJECT and PEOPLE. They are then to equip the people to accomplish the task in a way that is well-done, and everyone is valued and uses their gifts , and respected. But first you have to train the leader on how to do this. I trained my recreation leaders by:
1. explaining to one person that he/she is the leader of the group, and let the rest of the group know so there is no struggle for power.
2. Explaining (or in writing) to them their job (PROJECT and PEOPLE) specifically. (ie. You are in charge of recreation. You need to…. You can also assign others or take volunteers. Yo ushould not do all this yourself.)
3. Give them a task list and adequate prep time, then have them come back to check in with me before we begin. (Example: Get your team together, get the equipment outside and set up, come up with a recreation “game” plan in writing, decide who is doing what, and then come in and show me the plan.)
4. Ensure that they have what they need and are prepared to succeed.
5. Motivate and encourage them. Believe in them. Tell them you are here if they have any questions or need anything.
6. Be present, but don’t overstep their authority as they lead.
7. Applaud their work afterward, and with the group.
8. Reflect with the group on what they did well and what could be improved.
· HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Have high expectations for staff, and all participants. Clearly express these expectations, with belief that they can attain them. Keep the energy positive, not disciplinary. Reward them when they meet expectations (applause). Believe in them from start to finish. If they don’t meet them, ask why, and remotivate.
· PEACE ROOM. We created room for peace and for people to cool down. If someone was having a temper or acting out, we let them cool down for a while before confronting them. We didn’t shoot first, ask questions later. We took time with them to talk, see what was wrong, Ask if they could have handled it better, and motivated them to do the right thing. Sometimes they needed consequences.
This “Space” was modeled with all staff. We should listen to our emotions and take some time to see what’s going on inside of us. We can, even as head leaders, take some time away to cool down or reflect on what’s going on. We can redirect that energy and then come back in a healthier way.
· WORK WITH FAMILIES. When working with kids, get to know their parents, and let them know up front that you believe in working with the whole family to help the child grow and to keep open communication with the parents. Inform them of discipline, or other issues. Listen to parents, and be an advocate for children and healthy families.
· AVOID NEGATIVE INFLUENCES. Niesha taught me this by the way she distanced herself from Gabby. I need to have more of this tendency at times, because I tend to see only the good in people, and want to help them, even if I myself am being negatively influenced by them.
· MENTORING. We created a culture of mentorship. This told everyone from the beginning that we were going to care about each other, and help each other grow, and we all needed to start with humility. The model of mentoring for me is:
1. I DO—YOU WATCH.
2. WE DO TOGETHER.
3. YOU DO—I WATCH.
4. YOU DO—I APPLAUD.
Being a mentor is about mostly LISTENING WELL. In some situations, I did 80% listening, 20% talking. But when I did speak, they really respected what I had to say because I had listened so well, and they knew I cared. Mentoring is about helping people discover things for themselves.
Mentoring is being a DISCOVERY GUIDE.
QUESTIONS are the vehicle for growth.
· CONSISTENCY. Youth and all people need consistency in their leaders. Developing a routine can be a very good thing. It shows faithfulness and stability (as long as it doesn’t become a rut). People in these mobilized and broken familied days take longer to develop trust in someone. You can develop trust and relationship, which is how you’ll have the greatest impact on someone’s life, only by being faithful, consistent, and PRESENT with the person. (Remember the drug dealer who was outside the school every day.)
· SHREWDNESS. Be as shrewd as a snake and innocent as a dove. Some kids and people will lie and cheat you, deceive you, play you, be dishonest in general. That happened to me with Gabby. It didn’t even occur to me that she could be lying or playing me until Alex told me. While I don’t want to assume the worst in people, I do want to be aware of the possibility of being deceived and have a quick discernment of it.
· OTHER NOTES: I became way too obsessive mind this summer, and actually for the first time needed more emphasis on the rest/retreat side of life. I pushed forward into stronger work ethic, and perseverance. I valued myself and appreciated my uniqueness. I realized my history with Katie, HOBY, and AU intensives, and how I developed my FIST philosophy because those things were too close to heaven to have, and close to hell to lose, so I started shutting off attachment, and became too much of a Buddhist. Now I am living freely in surrender to God and loving life and it’s experiences. I am striving toward a more optimistic view of life in general, coupled with a strong faith in each circumstance. This summer has greatly confirmed my call to ministry and mentoring, and given me a great culture of a healthy working environment, and model of many good pastoral traits, as above. It was an environment of grace, which was light and refreshing. Nothing at work was really that hard.

The Blooming of Humanity

2009-08-20T15:17:00.002-07:00

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Blooming of Humanity
An Interpretation of the Genesis 1 Story

The One who was before "making" decided to make. And he first made separation. He separated himself from all else, because it was only himself who existed.
In the expanse of the separation, he breathed a small breath, like a misty cloud on a chilled morning, before "morning" was born.
The breath from the Eternal Existence into the emptiness was breathed in silence. yet it was itself impregnated with all the potential of life. It held the creative genetics of time and space and every race. And like embryo cells, the breath took shape and multiplied.
The breath was n ot breathed by accident, nor was the Infinite One who breathed it unintentional. The breath was full of energy, the seeds of the One; and the energy vibrated with the Force of Love, also reflections of the One who breathed.
Swirling in the newfound space of existence, the breath multiplied. It extended newness. The energy expanded and the universe bore itself out, distinct from the One yet originating from him.
All the existence divicded. The universe spread, the particles grew into planets and systems and stars and expanse.
The refinement began. Spaced out in space the planets gave emphasis to life- and one or another sphere would evolve this life and harbor its growth like a mother to a newborn child.
The Eternal Creator watched with great delight as this life took its developoment, and he sang a song of purification that resounded off of the spheres.
Among these far-scattered planets, the wombs of life, was Earth. And it grew to bear plants and various kinds of animals. The best ones survived. Many were eaten. All energy (born from the earth which was born from the Breath which came from the Creative Energy) even plants and animals, was recycled back into the life progression. In that way nothing was wasted.
Perfection and Harmony were the characteristics of the Everlasting One. When things began to exist outside of himself, imperfection transpired and the emanation of the divine energy was found to be corruptible.
These two ways were manifest on the planets that held life: The Way of the Divine and the Way of Corrupting the Divine Way.
The second and mal-fated way infected the planet called Earth, and it worked as a poison throughout the whole progression.
Yet the song of purificatin still resounded. Life energy refined itself, as it had been breathed to do, and it moved toward the direction of the Way of the Divine.
Finally were beings crafted that took up the highest resemblance to the melody of the purification. The divine lineage of energy was personified into humanity.
A being with consciousness of the Great Being. An existence which could ponder over its own existence. A spirit-mind-body creation that could be willful about its destiny. One that could choose its course: either the Way of the Divine or the Way of Corrupting the Divine Way.
A being that developed language and communication to its greatest extent thus far since the breath was first breathed. A species that had consideration for its own way of life, n ot just an instinct for survival at any cost.
And the Divine Mystery was greatly pleased with humanity. For he breathed the first breath with humanity in his heart.
But the results were devastating. The process of refinement in no way served as a direct connection to perfecting the human being. and no time or natural development would produce a breed of humanity that could defy the cursed path and embody the spirit of the Divine.
The giver of life, though not astounded by the state of humanity, was nonetheless grieved by it.
Just as the poison of the corruption spread like a genetic disease throughout humanity, so the giver of life spread the goodness of life throughout the generations of humanity. And in one defining era of earth's history, the divine energy materialized into the same likeness as that of the human being.
Whereas the One was always present amidst the separate space and creatin, at this incarnation moment the Energy embodied a human body and took presence in a way that the human race couldsee, touch, smell and hear concretely. He created himself into the creation, just as he had done in several other planets at other periods in the history of the universe.
and thus the Great Mystery showed the human race the way of the divine. The life that was intentioned in the first breath was now being lived directly by the one human deity.
The dark force of corruption had brought death to so much that was living, especially humans. And with that death, to those beings who were thinking, it brought despair and fear. Thus an instinctual struggle for survival and self-promotion gripped the hearts of humans.
The divine One brought a different kind of death. His death was not that of unwanted consequence, but of glad choice. The relinquishing death of the human ego. The chosen death of 'fear of death' and of survival at any cost. The death of the 'individual as the center of the universe.' This death was repulsive to those who followed the Way Corrupt, but it evoked profound freedom and life renewal to those who embodied it.
The Ageless Man lived such a freedom. He lived compassion for all humanity, and all other created things, whether animate or inanimate- for the Great One had intended all life, and kn ew the good in it- it was a good derived from himself.
Contrary to the forces of the corruption, he showed that submission is the path to All Things Desired. So he submitted himself to the death of the body. A painful, hateful death. The claws-of-fear death that gripped the hearts of humanity.
And then, after dying, the Divine Energy displayed a most wonderful life. The specifically organized life of the Divine Human was restored. His body again alive. The Great One transcended even the darkest places of corruption, and planted a seed that would sprout eternal energy throughout the universe. And in the whole human. For the whole human.
This was a new breath. It was similar to the first, in that it began small and through the ages grew to vast expanses. It contained the fertilization for an ever better energy, which encapsulates the whole earth and those that choose it. This breath of death and new life allowed the created ones to go where they could never before travel: to true unity with the Way of the Divine; even to truest unity with the Divine himself.
A 'choice' creature remained to roam the earth. A human race. Like a royal child. Achieving a connection to the first breather that earth had never before experienced.
Some people chose the Way. Some chose to corrupt it. And some died before being able to choose. The dead were not done. Their energy was recycled. The meat reprocessed. The cells reused in some other organism. But the soul, the consciousness, the divine energy of the people was not snuffed out, nor was it redistributed. It swirled, in waiting, at the outer rim of the One.
Many people chose to walk the path of corrupting the divine way, but they never ruled the earth.
For many humans were lights in dark places, and all the good done was not lost in the passing of time.
But eventually the evil of the corruption destroyed the earth, and the planet that harbored life could no longer sustain it. With a great blast, life on earth ended.
Yet the energy was not dissolved, nor was the individual spirit obliterated. The energies of those living on earth amassed and separated, swirled and reverberated throughout the universe. The life forces of the people splashed through the waves of the Song of Purification, and there all opposition collided l ike dissonant chords. The usurping energy that followed the way of corrupting the divine way was devoured by the song. In this destruction, many humans were lost. What was not lost was renewed. The energy of the individual was quantified, as though it were being noted for its originality and purpose, and then it was joined among a great field of movement which danced around the core of the Great One, and mingled in intimate motion with the Great One, and then spun a circuit (with all life closely mingled) through the farthest galaxies and back again.
This perpetual motion moved so fast it appeared as complete stillness. It was not subject to time or space. It vibrated an ancient melody, not totally unlike the song of purification. And in this melody was the voice of the Great energy, harmonizing with the voices of all humanity who took part in the dance.
Though it was literally none of these things, the dance was as a great and piercing light; a perpetual emersion in a sea of bliss; a reuniting of what was lost and what longed to find it; a symphony's crescendo; a happily ever after that was really more of a beginning; a movement from science to poetry; a dissolving of all things cursed; the blooming of a beautiful flower that had waited all of history to unfurl.

Christmas Lights

2009-08-20T15:17:00.001-07:00

Christmas Lights- A Glimmer of Hope

Over the past few years, I have developed the habit of diverting my attention away from blinking lights. When I'm driving down a city street, I'll purposefully not look up at the numerous blinking lights and neon signs that are splattered in my view. For one thing, these signs are incredibly distracting. I couldn't read them all even if I never looked at the road on which I was driving. But trying to drive and read is a dangerous task. Distraction, then disaster.
But more importantly, I just ignore these signs because to me they all say "Give Me Your Money!" I own my own business too, I understand the importance of advertisement and good "signage". But I get sick of it. So usually I stare off at a cluster of pine trees, or the blue sky, or an island of grass floating in a sea of asphalt.

But this year I noticed something different... it was like a lightbulb clicked on in my head. Christmas lights are a glimmer of hope in a cut-throat illumination competition. People pay money to own Christmas lights, labor to put them up on their own accord (and believe me, it's often not an easy task), and then pay the electric to run them. People actually lose money on Christmas lights. What a beautiful statement. They are little strings of down-home artistic expression. They are rays of hope on dark street corners. They are reminders of a special time of year where every man and woman at least remember when they hoped for "peace on earth and goodwill toward all people"... a time when children's eyes shine brighter than the lights on the tree. A declaration of celebration. A brushstroke of beauty. And that's all. No advertisements. No phone numbers to call. No services provided. Just the simplicity of Christmas, shining like a universe of stars in the dead of night.

I hope that these captivating symbols reflect what is truly in our hearts. That we could, if only for a moment for starters, put away the investment opportunities, set aside the schedulers, unplug the commercialism, put away the dangerous distractions. And then we could, with a little bit of personal cost and effort, radiate the joy and beauty of Christmas to all those travelers who pass by our way.

Claire and Eunice

2009-08-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Claire and Eunice

Claire was a widowed senior citizen. She went to the doctor for a routine exam. She found out she was overweight, out of shape, had high blood pressure, had impending health problems. The doctor gave her some medication to deal with some of these problems. Claire complied. The medication became expensive, and she began to feel strained financially. She cut back on her spending and downsized her lifestyle, and she soon found herself feeling alone. Depression followed. So she went back to the doctor and he gave her a prescription for anti-depressant pills. Claire complied. The pills seemed to raise her mood, but they had a few painful side-effects. And more finaicial strain. Pretty soon, Claire was having anxiety attacks. More pills.
Pretty soon, Claire died.

Eunice was a widowed senior citizen. She went to the doctor for a routine exam. She found out she was overweight, out of shape, had high blood pressure, had impending health problems. The doctor prescribed her some medication to deal with these problems. But Eunice denied. She said she would try to make improvements on her own for a while. So Eunice went home and decided to walk three miles every day. At first, she could only walk ten minutes at a time, then she had to take a long break. But after several months, she could walk the whole three miles at once. On one of her morning walks, Eunice met a neighbor named Anita. Anita walked every day too, and so the two of them began walking together. As they would walk and talk, Eunice discovered that Anita shared her love for plants. They visited each others gardens, and eventually started a little florist shop, with the help of Anita's son Jeff. Eunice lost a lot of weight, and felt much better about herself. She made several close friends through the florist shop, and felt like she was able to offer something beautiful to the world through her flowers.
One day Eunice prepared a flower arrangement for a funeral down the road. The funeral was for a lady named Claire.

Cain

2009-08-20T15:14:00.002-07:00

Saturday, July 22, 2006

you must now scratch a living from the earth...
you will find great pain in the midst of great joy...
the tree of life will be hidden from you...
the weight of knowledge will crush you...

why have you forsaken me?
why do you not walk with us?
where are you when the lightning strikes?
where are you when the living die?
where do the dead go?

+++

What do you really want to say?

I want to cry.
Great sobs in the midst of great pain.
I want to feel the rain falling harder on me
than my tears fall to the earth.
I want to feel the rhythms of the earth again.

Why have you lost them?

Because we have gone mad.
Because we sold our gardens for asphault.
Because we have given our time for money.
Because we have killed our souls to quiet our consciences.

Wake me up from this nightmare.
Throw another quilt on my bed
and sit at the foot of it,
and tell me that everything will be okay.

+++

Why do I whisper?

So that you cannot be heard.
So few hear anymore.
Our noise echoes throughout the heavens.
Our static disquiets the trees.
Our machines rage against the stillness.
Whispers are too soft.

Why do you run?

I run because I fear death.
And I don't realize it.
I think that by running I might survive.
Everything is survival in my world.
We each bear the heaviness of our own mortality.
Cannot miss a meal- cannot fail to survive.
Time is money and running saves time.
Money is wealth and wealth means possession.
And possessions mean security.
This is what happiness is made of.
Lies.
Maybe I run to ignore death.
Or maybe I race toward it.

Who are you?

I am Jarod Scott Osborne.
I live in Mansfield, Ohio.
I work at...

Who are you?

I work at...

No. Who are you?

I am Jarod Osborne.
I work at...

No. Who are you?

I...
Love.
I love being a part of a wilderness landscape.
I...
love running because I'm free- not because I'm late.
I love eating food that is good for me.
And I love eating food that tastes good.
I love conversations.
Conversations.
That are about who I really am.
And who you really are.
I love how the sun draws the sweat out of me to water the grass.
I love living things.
I love the intrigue of the planets.
I love eyes.
I love a few human beings that I know.
I love walking when everyone else drives.
I love the piercing anguish of beauty.
I love the way the ocean calms my spirit.
I love the dirt that collects beneath my nails as I scratch out a living.
Keeps me living.
Keeps me loving.
Keeps me sharing my one glass of water when the whole world is thirsty.
I love words.
And moments that transcend them.
And gazes that are timeless.
Souls are ageless.
My soul.
And your soul.
I love them both.
I love failing.
Breaking.
Dying.
I love being born again.
I love stories.
They shape me.
I love the journey.

Who am I?

I cannot answer that.

Who am I?

I cannot answer that.
I don't know.

Who am I?

You are too terrible for words.
I don't know you.

Who am I?

You are too good for words.
I cannot...

Who am I?

I cannot answer you.
I cannot face you.
I cannot hate you.
Why did you leave us so alone in the trees.
So alone with ourselves.
So alone with our cruelty.
And knives and guns.
Why did you whisper when the bombs fell.
Why did you not stop me from drinking the poison.
I cannot answer you.
I cannot...

Who am I?

Please.
I cannot face this.

Who am I?

You...
you are the fragmented images...
of my greatest dreams.
You...
you are the first burst of light over the horizon.
You are like the feeling I get when I look at her.
you are a gardener.
you bleed the poison from me.
you hum me to sleep in the middle of the war.
you take my hand with a firm grip.
and a soft grip.
you whisper me to my feet when I am expended.
you whisper me slow when I am typing too fast.
talking too fast.
working too fast.
eating too fast.
listening too fast.
driving too fast.
dying too fast.
you bring them near.
and open up my heart so I can see them for who they are.
and we have conversations.
about who we really are.
you find ways to take the old
and make it new.
old me.
old them.
old you.
old air.
old land.
old life.
New.
you are the breath behind the wind that carries the pollen to new frontiers.
you are the song the birds hear at dawn.
you are the face the dying see at dusk.

Adam

2009-08-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

i know how he felt
cool of the grass
between toes
pre-mowed
walking so know-close
rustling wind and laughter
too much to discover
and rejoice in beauty
like taking a bath
in the sea

hollow though
missing her
cannot climb enough mountains
name enough beasts
whistle enough tunes
because
missing her
the green still-life painting is
slightly cold and
missing her

too full in the side
and too empty in
the heart
i am fearless
and yet
sighing
at the sunset
my screams echo in his mind
and terrorize us both in paradise
barefoot fun for one

he felt old after the wars
the battles with the dirt
to stay alive
felt used when his life was spent
and love did not take the turn
he dreamed of
on the days when dreams were being flung into space
and shining
he felt sadness touch his shoulder like an old friend
too softly to weep
too strong to ignore
he watched smoke rise
from the fire he ignited
which has in his eyes grown
dim and
calm

he felt eyes watching from the trees
and heard laughter on the wind
for in all that was lost
the first one was not

Garden of Imagination

2009-08-20T15:12:00.002-07:00

Monday, October 16, 2006

What grows in my garden?
I plant seeds.
Ideas.
Questions.
Doubts.
Figments of my imagination.
Seeds of despair,
when planted in the garden of imagination,
will eventually blossom into hope.
I hope the scent of hope is the strongest smell
in my garden.
Or love, maybe that is stronger.
I also plant seeds of doubt.
Once they leave my mind,
they are transformed into an unreconciled tension,
like a thorny rose... a thorn in my side
that may not quite leave, but doesn't really bleed.
Allowing the tension means
mystery,
health,
honesty,
vitality,
integrity,
to me.
I plant parables in the garden,
some are like rocks that may cause stumbling.
Tread carefully in my garden.
There are so many intrigues there,
and no plant or flower is labeled.
No tags to specify their names.
I tend to tend a wild garden.
That is the way I like it.
A little wild.
A little unpredictable.
A safe haven for thoughts to play and grow and die.
A paradox of a place- a sanctuary among the crowd.
Yet this is my garden.
I am not the best gardener,
sometimes I am gone for long periods,
usually mulling thoughts and ideas
that will become seeds,
and I'll come back and plant them later.

So I plant myself in the garden.
My dreams and longings.
My joys and sorrows.
My rabbit trail wondering.
I know who I am and what I bury in this dirt.
And I also know who comes by at night,
after I have locked up the garden
and put my imagination to bed.
A quiet old man walks through my garden.
He never steps on the plants.
He looks around and smells the flowers
and the maneur that I spread around here.
He lifts up damaged shoots.
He pulls out the weeds.
He makes everything in the garden grow.
He tends my garden when I am unaware,
and I know he works with the gentlest care,
whispering one word in the silence of the night,
that brings the garden to life the next morning-
"Redemption."

Letter to a girl in my youth group

2009-08-20T15:12:00.001-07:00

Letter to a girl in my youth group
Hey! How are you?

I’m typing you a letter because I can type faster than write, and because there are several thoughts I want to share with you.

I hope you’re doing well, and ready for Christmas!

The first thing I want to talk about is hell. You had to leave the meeting a couple weeks ago just as we were getting into the discussion on hell. To open up questions about such a topic and then not discuss them is a frustrating thing. So I wanted to follow up with that discussion. The meeting itself didn’t get very far because we ran out of time. We watched a clip from the movie “What Dreams May Come” which depicts the author’s version of hell. Then we talked about the clip, and then I had to end fast with some summary ideas. I’ll share those ideas with you. But first, let’s reflect on the questions…

Where is hell/heaven?
Why do people go there?
What is it like?
Those really are the basic questions. I’ll give you my thoughts on these questions. I say “my thoughts” because I definitely do not feel like I have these things figured out. It’s like a journey of discovery, and we’re all on the journey together. Maybe I’m just a little farther. I look around at those who are farther than me and ask them what they think (like last week, I asked Denise her views on hell.)

So where is hell? I don’t really know. People used to think it was below the ground. But then we discovered the earth is a sphere, with rock and water and solid mass beneath our feet. People used to think it was somewhere out in space, but then we discovered that we’re one little planet in a huge galaxy, which is in a huge, expanding universe. So… if hell is “out there” we sure haven’t found it yet. Just lots of open space, stars, black holes, planets, comets. No definitive signs of life yet though. So maybe it’s in another dimension. I don’t know much about these theories, but it would be interesting to find out. We live in primarily 3-dimensions (or at least understand that many regularly). But what about the fourth, fifth, sixth dimensions? I really don’t know, but I plan on reading more about it soon. Some people think hell is in your mind, which may exist after you die, or die when you die. Some people think hell is the earthly consequences for your actions.

While I think there are earthly consequences, I don’t think that’s hell. I think hell is a final judgment, a God-given consequence for the wrong and evil in humanity, and in the individual. I’m not sure where it is, or how it’s done, but I believe there’s life after death, and some kind of judgment for us. I know I wouldn’t want to go there and find out.

Next, Who goes to hell, and why??? I really believe that only God decides who goes to hell and who doesn’t. I think hell is separation from God, and he is the judge of that. The bottom line is, I am not God so I won’t say who is going to hell. I can have my guesses, of course ☺ So does that mean a good Muslim can go to heaven? Maybe. I think maybe. I think God gives grace to people, and he knows their hearts and motives and souls. All grace is the grace for us by Jesus’ death on the cross. That’s the only way to be made right with God. But maybe God gives that grace to people whether they understand it all or not. What I do know is that the Bible, and history, and the Church, and my spirit and God’s spirit give me enough information and direction on how to live my life. So I want to use what I know and live for God now. I’ll trust my eternal judgment to him. So I live now like Jesus taught us. Love others. Be generous. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, strength. Do not be caught up in the things of the world. These things move me in the ‘direction of heaven’ right now. When Jesus talked about the “Kingdom of Heaven” he said it was here “now.” It’s already begun though him, and in us! So we’re living out the path right now. And it will be carried on forever, after we die. I suspect hell is somewhat the same. Many people’s lives right now look like hell.

What is heaven or hell actually like? The Bible uses a lot of description like hell is a place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Hell is a lake of fire. Heaven has streets of gold. Heaven has a tree of life for the healing of the nations. Heaven has a stream running through it that looks like a crystal sea. Heaven has no sun because God is the light. These beautiful images, and horrible ones, give us a good idea of what to expect. Whether or not it’s literally a lake of burning sulphur, I don’t know. Maybe it’s burning oil, or maybe it’s not a lake, it’s more ocean-sized. Or maybe it’s streets of silver instead of gold. Or maybe it’s poetic imagery to give us a glimpse of something beyond our comprehension. Whatever it is, I know heaven will be a place where dreams come true, where we’ll be connected to God in ways we have only longed for.

I probably only raised more questions in your mind, and didn’t answer many. But that’s kind of how the journey works. I can remember asking my youth pastor (when I was in high school) about some of these questions. And I remember not getting very good answers. I was frustrated, and it sent my spinning on my own quest for truth. I was too much of a philosopher though. Too rational.

The journey continues. I hope this letter is somewhat helpful to you. I’d be happy to discuss this more if you feel the need ☺

Later.

Jarod
¶ 8:21 PM 3 comments

The Traveler

2009-08-20T15:11:00.001-07:00

The Traveler
Dave,

What is it about traveling? We grew up out of a cluster of ministry-minded college friends- many of whom did some serious world travel. Jacksons. Johnsons. Carder. Kind & Schmerse. You. Me. And I could name lots more. And it seems that these travels have defined us in many ways. Changed us. Especially spiritually. I have watched the faith of my friends, and especially my own, go through a really difficult metamorphosis. The question is, was the caterpillar better than the new butterfly? Some have become Universalists. Some, inclusivists. Some, screwed-up-ivists.
Part of this changing is just growing up, finding our own way. But I really believe part of it is a unique experience in our time and culture. Now, more than ever before in history, American students can gain the whole world (through traveling and studying abroad)... and perhaps lose their soul in the process. There have always been the elite members of the global community, the religious intelligencia, the cultured people, the world-minded. But now there are more of these than ever. Students who, during their most formative educational years, are exposing themselves to other cultures, other religions, and stimuli that they often do not know how to process or assimilate into their lives.

It's like The Traveler. The Traveler is different than someone who travels. Anyone can go to a different location. Vacation. Visit. And come home. But a traveler is one who has undergone a paradigm shift- his home is now anywhere he lays his head (this person can by all means be female too, I am just using male pronouns for clarity's sake). He has no place of ultimate return. He has no restful haven where he can call home. Every town is his town. Every street his pathway. And though he may stay here or there for a while, even a long while, he has packed all his belongings in his heart, and he could leave at a moment's notice. And he doesn't waste much time "unpacking" and settling into a particular place, because he'll probably just leave again. The Traveler is one who frequently travels, but it is also an internal state.

He sees a town, and he knows what a town is. Regardless of what country he is in, or what language they speak, a town is still a town. A group of people. They have their own little power structure. Their rules- written and unwritten. Their method of waste removal. Their politics. Their local heroes. Their embarrassing moments of the past. Their methods of food production. The Traveler knows what it means to be a town. So when he walks into a small town, he has an heir of mystery to him. "There's the guy who has been everywhere." "He's not from around here." "He's different." The mystique of the larger awareness. The scent of the pilgrim. The face of the hero.

The Traveler can enter a town council meeting and listen to their quibbling about whether or not they should expand Main Street to a four-lane highway. Everyone has their own opinion. Those who want more business and economic growth say yes, it will draw more people into the town. The farmer who is concerned that the town will get too big (and that his farming business might be marginalized), raises all kinds of caution. And they debate. But the Traveler has seen it before. He doesn't really care if the town grows big or small. He knows it will probably expand the highway, and probably draw a lot of larger chain corporations because it is in a prime location. And the local farmer will probably be beaten out by a mega-market that sets up shop ten miles from his fields. The Traveler has seen it before. Knows the way things go. So he can advise the council members, and warn them of the possible dangers. And bring the wisdom of experience.

He can go to the high school football game on Friday night and wonder why all these adults get so emotionally involved in a small-town game. Do these sixteen year olds really think they're so special? Or the best? Why would any one of the mature people here get upset if this team wins or loses? It really means nothing in the scheme of life. In the world. He finds it amusing, and yet feels that he doesn't belong. Can't speak their language.

He meets the farmer's wife. Both of them smiling from ear to ear. Married for twenty years, but still very much in love. The farmer tells him that he married the most beautiful woman in the world. But the Traveler has seen the world, and seen at least two hundred women who were more beautiful. But he doesn't tell the farmer that. He just smiles. And the farmer wonders what the Traveler knows that he doesn't know. And what is really over that mountain- the one that the Traveler climbed. And he goes back into his house with his wife and eats dinner and watches someone's adventures on the television.

The Traveler may be the hero. May hold some prestige in the town. May feel special. But then he leaves. He moves on. For that's what he does. He's a Traveler. Knows the whole world, but strangely lost something. Maybe battles with loneliness and lack of meaning. Maybe feels more foolish than the farmer.

The farmer, however, sees the town very differently than the Traveler saw it. The farmer knows what it is to plant a seed and tend it until it grows in to a vegetable, and then harvest and eat the vegetable. And feed your kids with it. Knows what it is to wake up in the same bed every morning, and walk into your investments and see the returns. The farmer cares about the town highway project. He's not been in many towns, and doesn't know how these things work, but he knows that too much commercialism could hurt the town. And he doesn't want to see that happen.
When he goes to a football game, he pays his five bucks without thinking. His son's the starting running back this year. And when his son makes a good play, he's cheering louder than any of them. And his son might even be able to get a scholarship to play in college. And he knows the other boys on the team. Seen them grow up. Seen them practice hard. Wants them to be their rivals this year, the first time in ten years.
And the farmer loves his wife. Nobody in the world, or no amount of money could convince him that she's not the most beautiful woman in the world. He chose her, and he still loves her, and he didn't need to see two hundred pretty girls to make his pick. And most of the time he's happy with it.

The Traveler is likely to get lonely. Likely to envy the farmer's love and commitment to his wife. But could he commit? Could he actually care about a high school football game? Could he patiently plant and wait. He's seen the world, climbed the mountains. What's next?

The farmer is bound to have a long night now and again where he dreams of the world he never saw. Of the adventure he never had. Of the Princess he never rescued. Where he wonders if all life is is this damn field, where his sweat makes the beans grow. He'll wish for a prettier wife maybe. Or a younger one. He'll wish he'd done what the Traveler did. But then he'll probably go to sleep and forget about it in a couple days.

I've been the Traveler. It has sunk deep. It's who I've become. Not just for a day, or for a trip. But in essence. I can remember the day I packed up my emotional backpack and set out on a journey by myself. And I have followed on that quest for years. Seen the cities. Now I know what it means to be a city. Dug deep into the wilderness. Now I know how to survive. Tasted cultures. Now I lost some of my own in the process. Studied other faith systems- seen them - met them. Now I can't just cling to my own like I did. Slept in hundreds of different places.

Could not see myself committing to a place. A field. A girl. A job. A town. A team.

I am tired of being a Traveler. It is getting lonely.

I want to see the dew on the field in the morning... the same field that just a few months ago was covered with snow. I want to wait for the cherry blossoms to burst out in their song. And watch them die. And watch them resurrect.
I want to taste what I planted years ago, for once.
I want to get to know my neighbor, not just this culture.
I want to hear a voice that I have created say "I love you daddy."
I want to be as convinced as the farmer, that the woman I wake up with in the morning is the most beautiful woman in the world. And I want to make her feel like that.
I want to be buried next to another Osborne, not just be buried in the last town I was in.

I will never be the farmer. I will always reminisce of the mountain top, or the great battle, or the long journey through the dark forest. I will always smell the new smells of the new city. Sometimes wake up and wonder where in the world am I? See the scars on my stomach from that one time. Scream. Cry. Long for the Traveler. I don't suppose those things will ever wholly leave.
But I would rather master the language of loving my wife than master the languages of ten nations.

I suspect I will be ire for those farmers. A pricking, raging beast settled among them. Until I must move on. I strongly expect to be forever untamed, even in my small town. Yet farming.

And this applies spiritually. Through education and diverse experience, we can learn of many different religions. See many "towns". And we realize their similarities. See their faults and prizes. Condemn their ignorance and applaud their spirit. After stepping out of our own religious system or origin, we can ask ourselves the question, "Why is my town better or more right than anyone else's town?" And that is a valid question. And perhaps someone may then be whole-heartedly convinced that one particular town (religion/ belief) is the absolute accurate one. I suspect such a person will immediately settle in that town.
But maybe the religious Traveler will have to choose a town. Maybe he can never be wholly certain, absolutely sure, where to settle. Thus, the Traveler's choice is now either to remain a Traveler, or to become a farmer.
While the Religious Traveler can sample the best delicacies from every town, he will never get to know the cook who made his food. While he may have an heir of authority and mystery, he will never experience the depth and relationship offered within the community.

I humbly admit that, as of now, with my understanding of epistemology, I cannot say for sure "for sure" regarding all my beliefs spiritually. I believe in the Christian story, and have laid down roots there, but I doubt I'd ever be able to prove it to you (or even to myself). I have chosen to stop and stay in this town. I love the people. I love the heritage. I love the love. And I think it is the essence of reality as best as can be described in human language. I much prefer committing my life to Christ over being a spiritual wanderer. I prefer accepting a few essentials by faith over never holding my ground on any belief. I prefer devoting myself to this marriage (in a sense, to Christ) rather than forever searching for the prettier girl.
I'm never gonna be a tame farmer, or citizen, or Christian.
But I am one.
I may never settle down.
But I am going to wholly invest myself here.

God, please accept all that I believe, all that I do, and all that I say as my humble and sincere attempts to worship you because you are far greater than me.

Changing,
Jarod

Giving Blood

2009-08-20T15:10:00.001-07:00

Giving Blood
A group of men walk into a Red Cross clinic to donate blood. They all start by reading a statistics sheet about how much blood is needed in the U.S. every day, and how injured people are anticipating their donations. The first man skims the sheet, but he can't stay concentrated. He is thinking about his new rims. He just bought them, they're sitting in his trunk, waiting to be put on his tires. That's it- he can't take it anymore- he has to go.... his rims are calling. So he leaves the clinic and goes to his car.
The second man leaves too. But this man read the paper carefully. Slowly. And then read it again. So much injury, so many deaths. The nation needs so much blood, and there are so few who give. He doesn't see how his small gift can make a difference. His burden gets the better of him, and he starts to feel nauseous. Already nauseous, and he hasn't even seen the needle.
The third man fills out his paperwork, goes through the screening process, chats with the health-care workers. He asks his buddies where they want to go for dinner after they donate. He talks about the football game with his nurse as his blood is being drawn. He is robust. This man hardly feels the loss of his blood- glad to give it to someone in need. Smiles and gets a bandage on his arm. Says "thanks" as he leaves. The fourth man decides to stay. He felt the same temptation as the second man... too much need. But he stays. He doesn't have quite as much fun as the man before him. He is already hurting with those who have been injured. His donation is a direct transaction of grief mixed with blood... the recipients take some of his blood, he takes some of their grief. The needle hurts this man. He goes light-headed. They run to bring the fan. Elevate his feet. "Do you want us to stop drawing?" They ask? "No." He keeps squeezing, pumping. The bag fills slowly. But the man knows his discomfort is only a minor price to pay to help. He finally meets his quota, and they withdraw the needle. They bandage him, but the man walks away unsatisfied. He doesn't want to leave. He turns around, asks "Can you take any more?" "No." They say. "That's enough for today." The man knows his body will soon recover, but someone else who was wounded many not. He wishes he could go back to the chair again, fill up ten bags, give them all his blood. But they would never allow it. So he leaves the clinic, waves to the man installing the new rims on his car... wonders how such a man can live with himself... then helps him finish putting on the rims.

Portrait of Grieving

2009-08-20T15:07:00.001-07:00

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness.
They will be filled
with the radical ancients.
And yet we hunger and eat-
but our palate craves cardboard and drugs.
False to the body,
Narcotic to the mind,
Gnawing to the virtues.
Ingestion. this came from a million miles away
separated from the earth by ten processes.
Flew through the hands of ten businesses.
Flew through the air for ten hours.
All for me- glutton of all of history-
So proud to be eating that which one can hardly call food.
hunger and thirst, and eat… eat even before I get hungry.

Blessed are the poor in spirit.
we are the rich.
and the poor
and the indebted.
We are the have-too-muches.

We are the mutants. our lives are an inseparable blend of skin and steel.
man and machine.
A million conveniences
to fragment us.
Next invent the mind-saving device: Silence.
All these to keep me to you
keep me from you.
artificial insanity.
We have created an army of metal mosquitoes
that bite from every angle,
infect us with hybrid diseases.
Go home.
Sleep.
Rest.
Cook a meal,
Then eat it.
Talk.
Not to a machine.
Talk to a person,
and listen.
Talk slowly.
Chew slowly.
Think slowly.
Walk slowly.
Talk about your true feelings.
you are bitter about your life.
The promised mansions they said you can afford,
you can’t.
Or you get in there and
can’t afford to heat them.
Be honest with yourself.
you’re cold and naked and alone
Even in your expensive rags and busy days.
Talk without hiding.
no machine, no title, no degree, no bank account, no job
ever substituted a well-developed character.
Did you hide in the basement while the tornado came?
You should have been learning to face the storms of your life.
Grace still waits.
I don’t see it.
Do you?
Can you have hope for me?
Or is it my turn?
Vacations don’t renew anymore.
Days long past- too far for remembering except with tears-
where the family did something together,
when the family was even together.
Before destruction.
But not yet despair.

Blessed are the peace-makers.
For they will be called children of God.
Peace to you.
Peace of Christ to you.
You are drowning in paper and pagers.
I see you- you are still breathing.
Same breath, in and out, in and
Out.
Peace to your mind-
One mind
That does not answer to bosses who tax you
beyond your income,
That does not splinter with infinite choices,
That does not collapse under the weight of the Information Age.
Peace to you- or to your heart…
An old myth, the heart, about which people used to care.
Now it’s just- see a doctor, lower your blood pressure.
There’s a pill for that.
For everything.
Not the real heart.
The real self.
The piece of information lost in the shuffle.
Who are you?
What did you dream of when you dared to dream?
I think you forgot.
You can’t even remember what your scheduler has you doing on Tuesday.
Heartbeats can’t be heard unless it’s quiet.
But it’s never quiet.
At first it was just that way,
Now we make it that way.
Peace to your heart, in stillness, you will find it, and
find you.

Peace to your body, riddled with dysfunction.
Maddening diagnosis;
Dis-ease hides in nomenclature,
And ancient paths to healing have been paved over and forgotten.
But you, peace to you, who are not yet wasted away.
Dirty your hands in the garden,
If you want to save yourself.
And don’t wash them before you eat.
Leave the dirt.
Don’t you know, we are dirt.
Dirt.
As the sun sets on your life, and gray grass grows in your upper fields,
You will feel your love for the dirt,
if you are ready,
if you know how to lie down,
the dirt will welcome you, and
you will sigh in rest.

PORTRAIT OF GRIEVING
By Jarod Osborne
Copyright by Jarod Osborne, 2006

A Tribe

2009-08-20T15:06:00.001-07:00

A tribe was foraging through the jungle...
A tribe was foraging through the jungle. One day their travels for the finest fruits led them high into an unchartered mountain range. At these new heights, they tasted some of the best food they had ever encountered. And they sang and danced together around the campfire every night to celebrate their discovery.
A few days later, one of the young girls in the tribe was walking along the rocky cliffs and fell into a large hole. She fell far, but was unhurt. Her father, who was walking behind her, ran to the edge of the opening, but the rocks gave way and he fell in too. The tribe all gathered around the hole, shouting to those who fell. They were in distress because the large cave that surrounded them was dark and cold. So the tribe began a rescue attempt. But it failed. And two more people fell in the hole. The next rescue also failed, and more fell. And eventually, in their zeal to free the fallen, all had fallen.
The cave was deep and long, and had only one opening- the hole they had fallen in, high above the rock wall. The people began to worry. The children squirmed. The women cried. The men held a council. They decided that the only way out of the cave was to climb.
So they began. The whole tribe agreed to devote themselves to climbing out to their freedom. They began to work diligently, but the tribe had never climbed before. They had always been foragers in the flat forests of the world. So they started small. Toughening the feet. Walking on sharp rock. It hurt. Cuts. Then callouses. Strengthening the fingers for gripping small places. Raw fingers. Then callouses formed. Building up the arms so they could endure the climb. The men worked night and day at training so they could climb out and free the tribe. Meanwhile, the women began to make fires and collect the scraps of food and rodents and a few green plants that grew in the tomb of the mountain.
They practiced for days... and weeks. The women built shelters. No one could make it to the top. They trained harder. They practiced for weeks and months. Some of the old men died-the leaders of the council. No one could yet make it to the top. They trained for months and years. New babies were born and half-grown... all they'd known was the cave. The opening had begun to be covered with leaves and fallen branches, and the light hardly shined into the cave anymore. No one could make it to the top.
After many years, one of the council leaders declared that the man who could make it out of the cave first would be the chief of the tribe, and his family after him. So the men began training with renewed vigor. They held competitions and made sport of the climbing. They developed make-shift equipment to aid their ascent up the rock wall. They grew closer. More died. More were born. Huts in the cave were fixed up into houses. Rats and mice were always on the menu. Moss was a delicacy. Clean water was forgotten. No one remembered the taste of fruit. And the men and boys climbed.
They climbed so much, and held so many competitions, that the winners became famous and respected among the tribe. They held regular tournaments to see who could climb the highest. The boys would prepare hard. The winner would be a celebrity, and the young boys would admire him. They climbed and cheered and climbed and cheered. Ate and talked. Slept in their dark houses.
One day, during the climbing competition, a young man was nearing the top of the cliff. The tribe was silent, amazed at his ability. No one had ever climbed so high. When he reached the top, the people cheered! But the young man did not pay any attention to their cheering. He noticed something at the top. Branches. Dead leaves. He began to pull away the debris until he revealed the hole. He cleared the entry way, and the sun burst into the cave. The people were blinded by the brightness, and yelled at the young man to close the opening. It was hurting their eyes. But he kept making the hole bigger. The old men searched deep in their memories to the place of their childhood. They had seen the hole before, like the ghost of their ancestors. But they did not understand its meaning. They had forgotten its place. The people began screaming at the curious young man to come down, but he would not listen. They threw rocks at him until he lost his grip and fell back down into the cave.
The boy was not injured. The people were silent. The children were unsure. The women began to prepare lunch. The men held a council. And they warned the boy against doing such a foolish thing in the future. He could have gotten hurt, or blinded the entire tribe.
And no one was able to reach the top.